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24 Yr old new to NoFap

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by JamesTheSquirrel, Sep 20, 2019.

  1. Hi,

    I'm a 24 year old man who wants to get over my PA. I started using porn when I was around 12 years old and through the years I've realised I am addicted. I've tried to stop multiple times but I always seem to find my way back.

    I've been married to my wife for a year and a half and together for 6 years. By the end of our first year together I realised I had an unhealthy relationship with porn and we agreed together that I would stop. I had issues with delayed ejaculation and at times, an inability to climax from sex and could never finish from her hands or oral.

    That worked for a while but then I started again. I lied to her, I hid it from her, even when directly questioned. I have pretty much destroyed our relationship with my resultant lack of libido and affection for her. It's at the point where I do not ever initiate or seek sex. It's really hurt her self confidence and she frequently cries about what is so wrong with her, for me to show no physical affection or attraction.

    Today I finally admitted to her that I had still been watching porn and had been for several years. I had even lied about it 15 minutes prior to her face. Things are bad right now. It feels like a positive step to admit it but I need to stop watching porn completely and stop lying to my wife about it.

    I know that it is a long journey ahead of me but I'm hoping with the support of this community I can finally get out of my old habits and maybe repair my relationship. I really feel like this is my lowest point right now.

    My plan is to completely stop watching porn and not masturbate. I am hoping that sex may come in time but at the moment my relationship is too fractured and my wife is very hurt.
     
  2. Hello and welcome! :)

    We are glad to have you as a part of our community. Here are some quick links to get you started.

    Getting Started Guide | How to Use theNoFap Forums | Panic Button | Day Counter | Rebooting Resources | ForumRules | Glossary

    If you wish to keep a journal of your progress you can do so in the appropriate section found here

    You can also take part in one of the manychallenges available. It can be a tremendous help. Challenges

    Also, there are groups you can also join if you wish to do so. You can browse through them here. Groups

    There are plenty of wonderful, friendly and knowledgeable people here to help you along on your journey to a life free of PMO. I wish you nothing but the best!
     
    Br1 R1, rafael33 and JamesTheSquirrel like this.
  3. safa61947

    safa61947 Fapstronaut

    You're on the right step. Do not give up.
     
  4. rafael33

    rafael33 Fapstronaut

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    Your plan? Sounds to me “Well, I planned it and then I changed my plan.” Is it your intention, are you determined?
    As you describe your situation this is not a joke. Not for your wife and not for yourself.

    The NO PMO journey is not easy but worth the effort.
    The community will support you. The determination has to come from your side. Stop betraying your wife and yourself.
    This life is very short and very precious. Don’t waste time by watching porn and fapping. You made the habit and you can break the habit.
     
  5. Daedaleus

    Daedaleus Fapstronaut

    Welcome to the community, there will be plenty of ups and downs but stay the course; I'd also suggest keeping a journal of your journey, it will help both process your days, both good and bad, and allow the community to support you on your unique challenges. If you haven't already, I'd suggest checking out the rebooting in a relationship subforum as well!
     
    | Nico | and JamesTheSquirrel like this.
  6. It’s never too late to change. You’re taking a courageous step forward and trying to be honest. Addiction thrives on secrecy and dishonesty. I admire your resolve to change. Stay humble, it’s probably going to be the toughest challenge you’ve ever faced. I’ve seen a lot of people succeed here. I feel like I’ve made significant progress here. It all depends on you. Will you come here frequently or will you only give a halfhearted effort? I’ve seen all kinds of people who say they’re serious but when it gets tough they seem to disappear. You can do it! Let me know if you have any questions or if I can help. You owe this to yourself and your family.
     
  7. Thanks for the support! I am determined to do this and I know that I can. Failure is absolutely not an option. My wife has made it very clear she will leave me if not.
     
    | Nico |, rafael33 and Jefe Rojo like this.
  8. I've had a look at both the journal and rebooting in a relationship sections. I am going to be as active as I can be on here.
     
    | Nico |, mrtumnus and Jefe Rojo like this.
  9. I feel like a complete scumbag right now. I never fully processed the damage I was doing to myself and to my wife. I know that I can do this, especially with the support of the community!
     
    | Nico | and Jefe Rojo like this.
  10. Life's Journey

    Life's Journey Fapstronaut

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    Hi JamesTheSquirrel, welcome here, and wishing you loads of strength and good luck to overcome you porn addiction and to heal your relationship with your wife. As you describe it, things sound quite dire with you and between you and her. How determined are you that you really want to stop? And how will you achieve this and stick to it this time around? There is plenty of good advise in the links already provided by others to translate your plan into a course of action. You can do it! The community is here to support you.
     
  11. We all regret our past. The guilt we feel serves a purpose though - it motivates us to make the necessary changes in our lives. Try not to hate yourself and continually blame yourself for your current state. Is it your fault? Yes. What’s done is done. But what you can change is the future. Every moment you go without PMO will make you a better man. That doesn’t mean that you’ll be perfect. You’re still probably going to make PMO related mistakes for a while until you’re strong enough. Don’t get discouraged. You must learn from every failure and implement defense strategies. You essentially become wiser with each setback. You learn what your triggers are and you develop healthier ways to deal with them. When you do this it re-wires your brain over time. You currently have many deeply entrenched neurological pathways that need to be short-circuited. It isn’t a pleasant experience by any means but it’s required in order to change your future.

    If you’re like me, You’ll need to learn to like yourself again. I did a lot of despicable things that destroyed my self esteem. I’m slowly repairing it over time.

    You must continue to be open and honest with your wife. Let her know how you’re doing / feeling. I would recommend attending an SAA meeting and finding a therapist. Both of those things helped me a lot and we’re key in helping me leave P behind 10 years ago.

    You’ve got this. Your future is bright. Make today better than yesterday. Small changes each day will bring phenomenal results over time.
     
  12. Heyyy welcome to the NoFap forum : ) It's nice to see you here fighting the good fight alongside us!

    Here is just some advice:

    First and foremost please take a look at each section in the forum,there might be something(s) you may find of big help to you. Feel free to post there :+)

    Then secondly I just strongly advise you to be active on your profile(as there quite a few active people in the profile section). Please start by choosing an avatar and then make daily status posts to show you're active and needing support/encouragement. They've also got a neat little feature that shows freshly posted statuses for all users to see. People will find your profile and give you encouragement/support.

    People (are beginning to) love communicating in the profilesection..(it should be and is )mostly spportive talk but it doesn't hurt to deviate from supportive talk. It would be great to have you join in and support others in the threads, profiles, and journal. Make sure and be grateful for the help you received and help after receiving some. Invest in some people's journeys. We could always use your help and in return you shall receive some as well!

    Thirdly, You should also highly consider creating a public journal and write about your days in more depth for us members to follow along your journey and offer support to you by way of posting in your journal.

    Last but not least: Good luck on your journey here, make sure to really give it a try with all your heart!
     
    | Nico | and mrtumnus like this.

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