(25 days in) I want to quit, NoFap is making me sad and miserable.

This is practically my first streak, the first real one was 4 years ago when I was 17 years old and I went 31 days without PMO back then I was is high school and had a somewhat of a social life but now I am 21, virgin, never kissed and never worked either, I can not get a job because I have a personality disorder called "schizoid personality disorder" and because of that I never went to college or did any courses... My only connection with sexual activities were PMO and now that it is out of question I am miserable.

I feel weak, ashamed, dumb and way less confident my sleeping pattern is messed up the days feel weird and the feeling of shame is taking over me. I hate social interaction and because of that I do not have social skills, I just found out that I can not notice when a woman is interested in me because the way I feel emotions and connect them to people's emotions is different because of my neglected childhood. All of that is coming up because I stopped fapping and watching P... Usually I sweep that under the rug with some videos...

Has someone been through something like that? How do I deal with feeling like a sack of shit when I have a disorder that makes me demotivated to change? It is not like I can just suck it up and "do even if I do not feel like it".

TLDR: I am seeing how much of a piece of shit I really am and I have a disorder that makes me demotivated. How do I deal with it?

 

Thanks a lot for your words and I agree with them, no external thing can change our self image for better I remember that after a few months of working out and having a body that girls liked I was still feeling unworthy even when they looked at me on the street. In fact, I remember two instances when they looked at my abs which is a clear sign to notice even to someone like me that can not notice when women are interested. I am going to try to stop saying and thinking bad thing about myself, thank you and stay strong too.