260 days report

35 years old. I have used porn for almost 20 years. Severe PIED since many many years. No stable relationship since many years. You can complete the picture by reading other posts in this forum.

Current situation:

260 days pmo free. The first 150 days on hard mode.

There is no way back, I’ve lost too many years. I started rebooting the day after I discovered nofap, so this is my first (and only) try. However I know I will always need to be careful. The motivation of the first months have diminished and I see myself in the middle of a long distance race. At this moment I would label my feelings as a mixture of uncertainty and hope.

Psychologically I am great and there is still room for improvement. Much less social anxiety, much more energy, much less depression and much more joy. I feel smarter, funnier and much more social and mindful. Of course I have good and bad days, but I am more balanced mentally.

Facts:

- I am rewiring with prostitutes (I live in the Netherlands, so it’s easier). There are good things and bad things. The positive side: I can try real sex and check improvements. The downside: I cannot stay long, I cannot sleep over and most of them put less passion that the civil servant renewing the driving license. It is not the best way to rewire but for the time being it’s my only option.

- I was able to have sex for the first time around day 180. My penis was 80% hard and I was able to perform. It was a great feeling and an important boost for my self-esteem. But as many have pointed out, this is not a linear process. I’ve visited prostitutes six times since the beginning of nofap. Once I was able to have sex. Two times I was able to have sex but could not maintain the erection and she had to finish with her hand. Another two times my penis did not get hard at all and another time I came after two minutes of blowjob and 70% hard. Sorry for so many details but some of you might find them useful. I have also masturbated several times but I will stop with it.

- I stopped smoking weed fifteen days before discovering nofap and I haven’t smoked since. Before I was a daily smoker. The consumption of other drugs have also decreased dramatically.

- I work out more. I have gained some muscles and have lost several kilograms. I am in better shape.

- I have been playing the guitar since the beginning of the reboot. It sounds like a cliché but to me it has become part of the recovery.

- I am going after my dream job. I hope to get it in the next five-six months.

- I stopped smoking cigarettes five weeks ago.


NoFap does not make miracles but to me it meant the beginning of a new lifestyle. I could tell much more things but for now it’s enough.


Good luck to you all!!

 

Hi Myfortress, thanks for your message. I am not putting all my effort in finding a girlfriend because first I want to avoid (or reduce to a minimum) the shame of not being able to perform with a possible partner. It already happened to me too many times. I see visiting prostitutes as a transition period of 3-4 more months maximum until I reach one year on nofap. Then I hope to feel even better. I have had so many addictions in my life that I can detect when I am developing a new one, and for now that’s not the case. However I am open to meet new people, so if the occasion of meeting a nice girl comes up I will go for it.

Rewiring with prostitutes is not the best option, and you are right by saying that the lack of desire doesn’t contribute to have an erection. But even though there might be similarities between porn and prostitutes I don’t think it is exactly the same. Porn is you, yourself and a screen. A prostitute is a flesh and blood person, so there might be no desire, but at least there is human contact. Besides, online porn came to our lives 20-25 years ago but there have been prostitutes since several milleniums. The problem might appear when someone visits prostitutes in search of love. But again, I acknowledge that it is not the best option to rewire. I wish I had a girlfriend or a wife. I am trying to adapt to my circumstances.