26M My short story - quite extreme I believe - hope someone can relate :)

At 14 I started masturbating to women using my imagination, then I transitioned to google images and I eventually approached porn streaming within 6 months.

Watching mostly mainstream hardcore porn with cum-shots and stuff that you all know.
I stayed in that place for the longest time, scoring a total of 2-3 masturbating sessions per day for many years, sometimes less, sometimes even more (reaching 7) for a total amount of 2 full hours per day.


Between 14 and 20 I only managed to go NoFap and porn-free 1 month.
As soon as I started porn I immediately lost any imaginative capability whatsoever to mentally portrait anything turning me on even 10% of what porn could.

Around 18 and for one year I smoked weed compulsively (1-2 full joints per day) which really paved the way for more extreme addition I think (I might be wrong, surely added to an already not-so-healthy mind) which I came off abruptly because I was really destroying my mental health.

I got insomnia , the chronic type, which haunted me for 5 years, and I am mostly over it although to this very day I still keep it at bay with mild medications specifically meant for sleep maintenance (have no problem falling asleep but for some physiological reason I can't stay asleep naturally, might be weed abuse, my not-so-good mental health, porn rewiring my brain or just random).
Insomnia made it even easier to fall into addictive behavior.

I got to the point where I shifted to transwoman porn while high on weed (I picked it up again for 3 months at 23 to put myself to sleep - 1 full joint per day before bed).

Now, I have always been attracted to women; but I can tell you this or that within the compulsive porn masturbatory behavior (tolerance and novelty seeking and all that) changed my sexual tastes 100%.


I don't really masturbate to women anymore, I only do transwoman porn.
Initially the shift horrified me and I would feel shame , now I take it easy, at least for what concerns inner conflicts on sexuality . I came to terms with it and accepted it, which doesn't diminish my commitment to eradicate this cancer that is porn addiction and keep masturbation at a minimum.

I went so far down the rabbit hole, with my insomnia reaching its peak and my life being witnessed through lenses that would turn every frame color to a melancholic gray shade with little joy and little emotional resonance , that I engaged in real-life sexual intercourse/foreplay with 4 transwoman prostitutes (active role).

I'm on my journey to get my life back. Overall I'm a cool dude and nobody would suspect anything about all this.

I had my normal social life, I reached high academic achievements, went to parties, went out, lived the life of any normal university student.
At the moment I don't feel like I want a girlfriend although I still get that little anxiety when I'm around girls I deem good-looking, thus I might still like women.
I can't imagine my future self having a healthy relationship with a transgender MtF person, but I can imagine myself having inter-courses with them again.


I had two relationships (GFs), the most notable one between 19 and 20 y.o. (between quitting weed and shifting sexual tastes and before insomnia).
I wasn't masturbating back then, although we were both hooked on sex and we would have sex 2-3/7, even in parking lots when home was not an option. All in all, a toxic relationship.


Last year I ended up being so incapable of feeling any drive or focusing for 1 minute on something that I went for a ADHD consultation and I am now on a daily low-dose of Adderall Extended Release (30mg). Blame it on the porn addiction rewiring of the brain, insomnia, weed.. I don't know; any of those as much as unknown random events combined might have brought me here, I guess there's no use in knowing now.

I feel like meds improved my life quite a lot. I paid a price as I got hyper-sexuality from them, which made me binge even more on transwoman porn.
On the bright side, after months of getting accustomed to it, I feel like I'm more or less a normal person and I can make it through the recovery process with the right equipment.

I guess that's it.


The main reason I shared my story here is to feel some empathy and support so that any relapse along the way is less likely to happen.
You guys stay strong and positive,
BB