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Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Survival of the fittest, May 25, 2020.
If it's really killing you, just see an escort
Bad advice. No offense.
I don't care.
It’s not the end of the world, if your a virgin. Just write down 10 things you are thankful for in your life. Go take a walk into the woods. Observe the beauty that’s in our world. Look after your mental health. Do a technology detox (Ex: Internet, Social Media, Video Games.) Just because life is challenging, doesn’t mean you can’t make it bearable and livable.
Sometimes it seems like the path of least resistance is
to just be single, and not chase women.
I've been like this for so long, it's not a big deal.
It was hard at first though, after my divorce.
But now, it's like I am ok with what life brings,
what God brings, I am ok with me.
I don't need anybody's approval, I don't look for that.
It's a healthy space I'm in right now.
Similar boat... I don’t like to admit. Most ppl assume I am not a virgin. But. I am. At age 26. Idk.... I’ve search for a best friend love my entire life but I never knew this was a big problem I always had since like 12 but didn’t really know or always wondered why I never received attention from a girl... now I know....
in college I met someone.... who I thought was very special. My biggest crush and the one. I couldn’t help but feel that way about her at the time.
I became somewhat friends with her and was making a real effort for once in my life....
Basically, because I was still fapping and unaware of the negative shit pmo does to you. I lost her. I put myself in the dirt and made an impossible barrier there because I never really been in a relationship or close to anyone before.
it wasn’t until after late college and her no longer being my friend that learned about nofap. So here I am now . I go on streaks of 30-49 days but always struggle with flatline and loneliness and end up relapsing around there.
I'm 25 and am in exactly the same situation as you.
Iv'e always had a PMO problem which hasn't helped things but my only girlfriend cheated on me about 6 years ago because she was "tired waiting on me" because I didn't fee ready.
I'm pretty scarred from that and have no idea how i'm ever going to have sex if
1. I can't get it up
2. I'll have zero experience
My friends chat casually about sex and i'm sitting there thinking how alien they all are
I'm also 27 and a virgin, i started masturbating when i was 14 , i had self-confidence issues at that period due to my body (had to much body hair for my age , my friends didn't have any so..) which complicated stuff , so i hid inside videogames and avoiding traveling with family or going out just to fap ... this continued for so long , my friends used to tell me why are u so cold wiith girls although i was horny as f*ck . and when i thought everything getting better (age 20 / college) i got bald , lost my hair , depression strikes, addictions ... my only experience with a girl was when i got drunk , she was into me , we kissed , felt her vagina (i mention it , cause thinking of it makes my urges worse) but no sex (a stupid story)... it went dark in my life i was underweight, i went out rarely and done nothin but smoke n drink and pleasing others ..
I'm 27 now , i dropped out of college , i have no degree, no income , no girlfriend or ex , no friends,no sex ,nothing ... all i have is my parents and i feel like they can't wait to get rid of me (not in a bad way , they just want to see me successful ..but still) , i sometimes which i was dead, days goes by mostly empty, the only thing i get myself to do consistently is working out, most of the time i feel lonely, unachieved, repressed, sad, ...
i was 58kg last year , i'm 82kg now :boom: thats about it .. now i'm workin toward gettin an income, getting my own place, a bike/car , settle down n get married... it feels so clear in my head and doable but everyday i wake up , i do fr*akin nothing of it .. i turn on my computer and waste 80% of my time 20% goes when i eat , workout and occasionally try to achieve my goals..
Its ok she wasn't meant for you , you'll find a better understanding one, meaning better first-time sex .. i had chances to have sex but i declined cause it didn't feel right i wasn't ready
1. you won't until then , and if there is feelings between you chances it will go alright
2. no body is born with experience and its not rocket science, you enjoy each other, enjoy the moment, don't overthink and communicate!
now for friends , i learned that they lie most of the time about this stuff to feel better about themselves, don't compare yourself to them its their story , live your own , you maybe would have experiences than them
It seems it is the change we always wanted . And we knew Subconsciously what is the cause for our problems we had in our lives but never dealt with it as our àddicted brain did not let us do . So it's time time to grow , not to get weak .
It's okay to accept your past . This actually in a way helped to know what failure is actually and make us learnt the value for success . I am glad rather that there are people like me who suffered a lot . And just don't open up about their issues because of stigma in the society.
Thanks to this forum . Time to put an end to this slavery .
It's my day 100 . In any way I could help do let me know . All the best guyzzz.
I'm 30 yo and lost my virginity at 24, because in my previous relations couldn't get an erection due to pmo. I've just read this sentence from @Defytheodds : "she wasn't meant for you". Don't you see where you are failing guys? No girl in this world is "meant for you". Harsh reality is that no girl in this world care two shits about you. They don't even care if you are virgin or not. What they care is how you feel about it.
"But I don't feel ready" "It doesn't feel right" lol, that's the stupiest BS I've heard in my life. Please stop overthinking your situation, you don't need any kind of "preparation" for make love to a lady. Sure, you need to be PMO free an healthy so you can have an erection, but that's it.
You can act like if you were not virgin or you can pay an scort (but only one time) that's the two options you have.
@Livermore90 I totally agree with you. i meant by not feeling right about having sex with a girl, that i feel like I'm tricking her into doing it, I talk by experience, i can't push myself to pretend that i care just for the sake of it , i feel unworthy and something always bugs me when i do so, i want to have a good mutual experience, its true that i overthink a lot and look for excuses, but i won't pretend or ignore red flags just for sex (not talking one night stands)... or maybe i'm saying that cause I'm a virgin x)
A big problem is "self-fulfilling prophecy".
Like even if you are PMO-free for many months and successfully overcame the 90 days, your brain is so afraid of PIED and failing at getting an erection at the first time that it will automatically lead to a self-fulfilling prophecy. It's a vicious cycle we need to break out of.
I'm also wondering how to solve this problem for myself, even though I'm not a virgin anymore. After my last relationship I had one instance of PIED and it scared the shit out of me. Since then I didn't even try to initiate anything with women, cause I don't want to experience that again. But of course that's not solving my problem. It's just avoiding/postponing it.
So far, I only see 2 solutions:
1. Either tell the girl outright before sex that you are nervous about your erection. (I don't know how women react to that? Any experiences? Are women understanding when it comes to that?)
2. Take Viagra 30-45 min before sexual activity and don't tell her. Only for the first time. Your self-confidence will explode and you won't need it a second time again. But it needs some timely planning.
I would rather suggest you to consult a specialist or a psychiatrist rather dealing this erectile dysfunction by yourself and taking med before sex as it will not solve the purpose . You haven't thought about it . Actually it seems it's in the head nothing else nor pathological to have medicine for it . I think mild psychotherapy and counselling with a good psychiatrist will do . So avoid hesitation and consult .
Hey man, sorry to hear you're struggling. I've had very similar struggles earlier in my life. I didn't lose my virginity until I was 21 and well into the pursuit of recovery, and I had the same thoughts of shame before I lost my virginity with my ex-gf. I feel like there was a lot of subconscious pressure that I wasn't recognizing during that time. I had friends who lost their virginity in high school and college and I used this as a way to make myself feel lesser than them. The truth is, just because I didn't lose my virginity didn't make me of any less worthy than somebody who has. Sex is propped up a lot in many different forms of media, and honestly, as one of my friends told me before I lost my virginity, "it's really not as good as its knocked up to be." Trust me, I can now tell you that my friend was right. Albeit, it is so much more rewarding than porn. There are a million other things that are amazing in life; sex is just one of those things. You are a loveable worthy person no matter what. Regardless of your porn use and regardless of when you will have sex for the first time. The time will come man, have faith. I realize now that I got fixated on a lot of things that didn't matter when I was early into my recovery from sex addiction, and as time progressed, I see now that the real problem was that I wasn't happy with the man I saw in the mirror. As soon as I became compassionate for myself and realized that I have worth was when I met my first girlfriend and lost my virginity. Work on loving yourself first and foremost, and others in your life will love you more as a result. Good luck with your recovery man, feel free to DM me if you want to talk.
Stay on track man. If you can stay away from porn for long enough you'll feel better everyday. I can attest to this fact.
We are different though and I won't pretend to know what it's like to be you.
I wouldn't worry about the virginity thing too much. You're 27? You are totally fine. Let's say, for example, that you lose your virginity at 30. If you are a guy who takes his health seriously, works hard, saves money, eats right, goes to the gym... you can sleep with attractive women until you are at least 50+. That gives you 20 years, or more, of enjoying intimacy with women.
And what do you have to show for being a virgin at 27? No kids. No sexually transmitted infections/diseases. No child support payments. No custody battles...
I'm 44 and let me tell you, there are many girls who stay fit and attractive into their 30s and higher. So many girls now exercise and take care of themselves. You have decades of sex ahead of you after Hard Mode is complete (and any other NoFap goals you have).
But, he may fall prey to this paricular escort dame, or escort dame in general.
Falling as a prey not only drains one's wallet very quickly but one can become utterly poor, indebted, and devoid of his physical energy, psychical energy, and complexion.
That said, addiction to escort dame is maybe worst than addiction to gambling.
Yes you are right . I totally get what you are trying to convey . Thanks a lot brother . It's my day 103 of nofap hard mode . And felt a lot of changes in my mindset in these past days . Although I am still fighting for existence and wet dreams too but still I have hope . Thanks again
I almost had a panic attack when an attractive girl was walking towards me down a narrow street, honestly I think my heart would have been racing less if I were about to jump out of a plane. Maybe it's because I'm hitting the withdrawal stage again so situations like this become heightened but it just makes me feel so depressed and hopeless. If that's what I'm like just walking past a girl how am I ever going to talk to one, let alone get to the point of having sex. When I was 15 I would hang out with girls all the time but now at 30 I'm scared to death of them ... God I have a long road ahead of me.
When our brain stops objectify them as females and take them as a person the hesitation and panic behaviour will vanish automatically . And that will be achieved by nofap . There is no other way I guess .