28-year-old Christian male, Looking to quit PMO for good

Discussion in 'Accountability Partners' started by scrat_on_speed, Dec 4, 2013.

  1. scrat_on_speed

    scrat_on_speed Fapstronaut

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    I’m 28, still a virgin (and not just because I’m a nerd), and have been addicted to porn since I was 13. It’s affected my relationships – and my fear of rejection if I were to get serious and share my past with a woman I care about – and led to some serious self-esteem issues.
    However, I’ve got God on my side. I know that now. It’s been a very tumultuous year, and I’m ready to kick this thing for good.
    I’ve been pulled way out of my comfort zone in my journey from self-loathing to unburdened by shame and regret, but it’s been for the good. I’ve thrown off the hypocrite, and now live in the open, un-phased by what people may think of my past. I’ve been pulled into a difficult role, where I’m mentoring a few younger guys on this very subject, yet can’t seem to get myself out of this rut. I’m honest with them when I struggle with it, but I’m ready to lead by example.
    Frankly, I’m happy that there’s a site like this where men (and women) can be so open about it, as it’s still kind of a taboo subject, when dealing with it seriously. I’d love to have someone in my similar situation to keep me accountable, but honestly, how many virgins are still out there? And no…I don’t live in my mother’s basement. I’m just a commitment-phobe – something else I’ve been working on.
    Onward and upward.
     
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  2. Paarthurnax

    Paarthurnax Fapstronaut

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    Hey Brother, welcome to the group here.

    While I am somewhat younger than you (20)I too am still a virgin, and by choice. Personally, I am waiting for my wife as part of my walk of faith (also not just because I'm a nerd). =P

    Finally decided I need some help in my journey and sofar haven't relapsed since signing up for a accountability partner here. If you would like to be mine, feel free to shoot me a PM or respond here.

    God Bless and stay strong my friend.

    Peace be with you!
     
  3. mikecowan

    mikecowan Fapstronaut

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    Good post, Paarthurnax! Keep praying. (Genesis 15:6)
     
  4. rebels8

    rebels8 Fapstronaut

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    scrat_on_speed,

    I'm still a virgin, partly due to my Christian faith, and I would like to wait to have sex until I get married, though I know that it will be very hard to do so. As I wrote in my newbie thread, I've never been in a serious relationship with a girl before. A big reason for this is that I'm generally very introverted. I'm afraid that if I wasn't more introverted and I had already gotten a girlfriend, then I would have also already lost my virginity due to my very high sex drive. I really don't want to be a 30 year old virgin (I'm 23) and so hopefully in a few years I will meet a girl that I will fall in love with and then marry. Hopefully, NoFap will help me to end my addiction to PMO, which should make it easier for me to have a healthy, serious relationship with a girl, and hopefully one that would result in marriage. By the way, my college roommate is also a 28 year old Christian male virgin. And a couple of his close friends, whom I've kind of become friends with, have pressured him to lose his virginity, though not aggressively or anything like that, but he's always resisted.
     
    Last edited: Dec 7, 2013
  5. ikaika

    ikaika Fapstronaut

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    Stay strong guys! I seriously wish I was still a virgin. Once you taste it, its like a drug. I was with my HS sweetheart for 7 years, we both started out as Christians, were going to wait till marrage, then sex drives kicked in, started slowly doing things, then at my friends wedding night in our nice hotel room we went all the way and lost our virginity. We were deeply in love, and we ended up getting engaged but we were far from following Christ at that time. We both were at the point we needed to be high on weed to feel in love with each other. I was deeply into PMO also and that really messed things up. Still to this day I see how much of a fool I was and lost the love of my life. 2 weeks before our wedding she left me, my grandmother who I was close with had passed away from cancer a few days before this, and I was just so far away from everything. I was doing shrooms, and E, and smoking so much pot. It was at that time I feel so deep into a whole that 8 years later I am still trying to recover from. Thank Jesus for His grace! With that being said, I bounced between relationships trying to fill that hole in my heart. Having sex, tons of PMO, etc. Its all VANITY! Meaningless heart breaking trash. I am looking for a serious reboot of my brain right now so I can actually have a meaningful relationship with a great Christian woman, and not have to hide some trashy sin and destroy everything. I want to get married with a rebooted brainwashed mind. True love as God intended it. So stay strong guys. Do not give in to what the world thinks is "cool" or "normal".

    I will be praying for you guys, and God knows I need the prayer too.

    Keep your eyes on the Cross and Jesus!
     
  6. thom_flood

    thom_flood Fapstronaut

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    th.jpg

    Your vanity thing really hit home I had not thought about ecc. in a while. thH2BKDITP.jpg
     
  7. rebels8

    rebels8 Fapstronaut

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    ikaika,

    Thanks for telling us your story! It's a motivation for the rest of us. God and Jesus can help us overcome anything, including an addiction to PMO and meaningless sex or the emotional pain of a bad break-up. We'll all pray for you!

    Paarthurnax,

    We're all here for each other in our respective journeys to overcome the sin of PMO!

    mikecowan,

    You're right. We should all believe and trust in God during our respective NoFap challenges.

    thom_flood,

    I love your Bible verses! Are you making the one from Ecclesiastes a pun about the sin that we are all struggling to overcome?
     
  8. thom_flood

    thom_flood Fapstronaut

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    You know It just popped into my head I didn't want to say about the pun aspects
     
  9. ikaika

    ikaika Fapstronaut

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    Man you guys are such a encouragement. I feel like I couldnt talk about this issue with anyone. Now I am here and I feel like I can just say it how it is. Maybe its because you need to confess things between brothers yet your scared to confide in friends or people at church because you think judgement. This feels comfortable and we are all in the same boat.

    Man I had energy today! Its been crazy cold here and we got decent snow. We did CHRISTmas decorations today, I ate a meal with out feeling like I had to take a nap. I didnt even nap today. I totally understand how the PMO robs you of energy now. I have noticed the words I have been saying and things coming out of my mouth have been cleaner. I have been catching myself before saying sexual things about girls I see out and about. I feel good! Just some encouragement for you guys!

    Father God, fill us with your Holy Spirit overflowing so we can overcome these sins that so easily entrap us into a endless cycle of guilt. Speak to us through your Word. Take our shame away and give us grace. Jesus you were perfect and yet took this trash upon you for our sakes. We deserve unending torment for our actions, yet you love us? MIND BLOWN. In Your Name Jesus make it so. Amen.
     
  10. rebels8

    rebels8 Fapstronaut

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    ikaika,

    As I have let myself do more and more PMO over time, more and more inappropriate and even vile words and thoughts about women have popped into my head, especially when I'm mad about something. But the thoughts haven't all been explicitly sexual. The objectification of women that PMO encourages has led me to subconsciously look down on women. But I know that this has been very sinful of me and it absolutely must stop, along with PMO. I know that I can probably never have a healthy, serious relationship with a girl, one which could result in marriage, until I stop subconsciously looking down on women. Jesus of course deeply respected women, including his Mother Mary, Mary Magdalene, Lazarus's sisters Mary and Martha, and the Samaritan woman at the well, among others.

    By the way, I greatly appreciate all of your encouragement for us fellow fapstronauts and those of us who are also your fellow brothers in Christ! With God's grace and mercy, we WILL indeed overcome these sins that lead to nothing but guilt and shame and make it harder to achieve real intimacy with those women whom God destines us to "become one flesh" with.
     
    Last edited: Dec 7, 2013
  11. Trainman471@yahoo.com

    [email protected] Fapstronaut

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    "There are always greater things ahead than any we leave behind."- C.S.Lewis. My friend, will be praying for you :)
     
  12. rebels8

    rebels8 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks,Trainman471. I'll be praying for you too.
     
  13. Nice group of people here! We all must seek Christ, His healing and restoration. I mean, some times He will intervene supernaturally. But most of the time He will want us, as His mighty men, to wage war and win back all that was stolen from us. If you have been fapping for 10 years, what makes you think that you could overcome it in 10 days? Oh no, the war is vicious, the enemy is cunning and the battle is long and brutal. Let's fix our eyes on our General and King and press on towards the prize, which is the glory of His Kingdom and the honour of being in His throneroom!
     
  14. rebels8

    rebels8 Fapstronaut

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    Aryangor,

    Amen, brother!
     
  15. smithb3

    smithb3 Fapstronaut

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    I love your verbiage Aryangor! We are men of courage and we shall have our victory!

     
  16. scrat_on_speed

    scrat_on_speed Fapstronaut

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    All great stuff guys. I kind of fell off the face of the earth to go pheasant hunting - which was fun, but frigid - and have been pretty much unplugged for three days. Been good to get away from the computer, especially with this being a new start.
    We are in this boat together, guys. Iron sharpens iron. Great to see you lifting one another up, not tearing others down. I pray that I'll do the same, and try to emulate Christ in everything I do.
     
  17. ikaika

    ikaika Fapstronaut

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    I was just reading this passage this morning and thought I would share. Sometimes we want to skip over harsh words, but I really think we need to read what we really dont want to hear so that we can be healed:
    Romans 6:6-14
    6 Knowing this, that our old man is crucified with him, that the body of sin might be destroyed, that henceforth we should not serve sin.
    7 For he that is dead is freed from sin.
    8 Now if we be dead with Christ, we believe that we shall also live with him:
    9 Knowing that Christ being raised from the dead dieth no more; death hath no more dominion over him.
    10 For in that he died, he died unto sin once: but in that he liveth, he liveth unto God.
    11 Likewise reckon ye also yourselves to be dead indeed unto sin, but alive unto God through Jesus Christ our Lord.
    12 Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, that ye should obey it in the lusts thereof.
    13 Neither yield ye your members as instruments of unrighteousness unto sin: but yield yourselves unto God, as those that are alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness unto God.
    14 For sin shall not have dominion over you: for ye are not under the law, but under grace.
     
  18. smithb3

    smithb3 Fapstronaut

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    This a great uplifting and encouraging thread. Rebel mentioned he didn't want to be a 30 yr old virgin; I didn't want to be one either, but due to a previous lack of self-confidence and being entrenched in PMO, despite my Christian faith, I am that 30 yr old virgin. By the grace of God though, I'm happy that I have physically held out for my future wife, even if I haven't in my thought life.

    Aryangor mentioned that you can't overcome a 10 yr addiction in 10 days; so true. We must remain viligent to the taks our of purity and quite frankly fight for what's rightfully our through Jesus Christ. Of course our fight isn't with flash and blood (except with ourselves) but with darkness and principalities. We shall have our victory gentleman and in our growth, truly become men of courage! I am claiming for us all that we remain strong and true to our faith and our persoanl Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and that we will hear one day, "Well done thy good and faithful servent."
     

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