29 days P/M Free!

On the eve before accomplishing my first 30 day NoFap goal, there are a lot of thoughts swirling around in my head. There are a lot of emotions I feel energized in my soul.

I'm thinking back over the last month. The steps it took to get here, and the goals I clearly set out to accomplish. The drafting of my "why" statement, and needing to aggressively recall it during times of temptation. The measure of accountability I have taken, and the transparency that was needed to make it effective. I bore my sole to my girlfriend, my best friend and A/P partner, and a group of guys via private messenger through a Telegram NoFap group. I have checked in with them every single day with my progress, and have posted two threads per week on NoFap.

I have gone through physical withdrawal symptoms: headaches, mood swings. Emotional disparity and uncertainty: depression, anger, shame, confusion. It has been a veritable rollercoaster of ups and downs.

Most of the 29 days was spent without major temptations, until a couple of nights ago. I had some really aggressive and alluring fantasies pop into my imagination. Thoughts of old girlfriends, sexual experiences we'd had, or ones we could have had. And lying in my bed, wrestling with those fantasies, and fighting the insatiable urge to masturbate was hellacious. I had been in that same scenario a thousand times before in my life, and most of the time had failed miserably.

But this was different, because this time I am connected to a community of people, and have already come so far in such a short amount of time in my commitment to be porn free. I did not want to start over by sabotaging my freedom. I fought those thoughts, and chose that night to say; "fuck you," to those temptations, and went to sleep instead.

It has taken a commitment of time, effort, energy, vulnerability, and difficulty to overcome P/M thus far. And yet, it all feels like a fraction of the effort and energy that P/M has robbed from me over the last 20 or so years of my life.

It has all been worth it, and I will keep pressing forward hard. I have come to the realization that porn has cost me not simply a few seemingly trite things like lack of energy, libido, or more mental focus. I really believe it has cost me opportunities in my life, and therefore slowed down my dreams. For example, job opportunities, opportunities to pursue some different paths in my life that I had not taken.

My next goal is 60 days (total), and then 90, and I'm going to get there. But I cannot do this alone, and I have not done this alone thus far. I need you, the NoFap community, and that has been the difference between a thousand previous failed attempts to quit porn, and my current success. All of the times I tried previously to quit porn the one major thing I was lacking was being connected to a community of like-minded people, on a like minded journey. We are in this together, and I'm here to walk with you through this, as we all pursue a porn-free life.

`Jon