29 never had a girlfriend or dated, I’m losing all hope

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by superstorm250, Jun 18, 2022.

  1. superstorm250

    superstorm250 Fapstronaut

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    So technically I’m about to turn 29, but close enough. But I’ve never had a girlfriend or dated (I’ve only been on 1 date 7 years ago) me and the girl I went out with on that one date a long time ago hooked up at the end of the night, but I haven’t had sex at all since then. I just have a feeling that at this point, its gonna be really hard for me to date or get into a relationship because of the fact that I have so little experience at such a late age. I feel like its gonna be a repeating cycle of going out on dates (if I can even get any in the first place) only to be rejected once a girl finds out how inexperienced I am. And I doubt any girls in my age group want or are expecting to be a guy’s first girlfriend. The main reason why I want to carry on with nofap is to get a girlfriend and have real sex on a regular basis, but I’m really starting to feel like I’ve lost my chance because no girls will even be willing to date a guy as old as me who has no experience.
     
  2. berylliumwages

    berylliumwages Fapstronaut

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    In my case, losing all hope was a good thing. I'm 35 and I've accepted it and am even content with it. There are reasons to do this besides girls and sex.
     
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  3. superstorm250

    superstorm250 Fapstronaut

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    For me, there really isn’t. I’d rather be a PMO addict if I can never have a girlfriend or real sex.
     
  4. Jiminy Cricket

    Jiminy Cricket Fapstronaut

    Hey friend, thanks for sharing.

    Have you asked girls what they think of a man with little experience? Because I think you are projecting onto them your own thoughts. What you think may not be true.

    I'm reading this book called The Subtle Art of not Giving a Fck and it tells a story of a guy who thought girls wouldn't want to date him for his height (he was small). He just assumed that nobody wanted to date him because of it, but never asked. As a result he didn't go out on dates or didn't really try. It was a self-fulfilling prophecy in a way.

    I'm sure many women woudn't mind a man with little experience, many may find it cute, attractive, and interesting even. Do you think that may be right?
     
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  5. superstorm250

    superstorm250 Fapstronaut

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    I don’t think that would be right, when they say its cute, they usually mean it’s a puppy dog kind of cute, not an he’s fuckable kind of cute, most girls are lying when they’re saying its attractive and will turn around and say that they actually think its weird when that guy isn’t around anymore, and they think its interesting for all the wrong reasons. I even asked girls about it in a poll format on a website that allows you to ask gender specific questions. These are the results so far.
     

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  6. Jiminy Cricket

    Jiminy Cricket Fapstronaut

    My thoughts,

    What you're doing psychologists might call mind reading, which is assuming you know what others think of you. But is that fair to other people? You think that they won't give you a chance. But by that assumption you're actually not giving them a chance to prove otherwise.

    Your asking about a "red flag" is kinda broad and open to interpretation. Someone might say it's a red flag, but that doesn't mean they never would want to date you. Also, there are those who voted that it's not a red flag. So that may be the kind of women for you. By having a limited "pool" you aren't different from anyone else. I mean, no man in the world is attractive to every woman.

    You're focusing on those who voted "yes" but that's also part of confirmation bias. From the link above: "When we engage in a lot of mindreading, we usually only consider evidence that confirms our predictions. Rarely do we ever pit our assumptions against evidence that steers us away from our predictions."

    How many women do you want, if I can ask?
    If the answer is one, then who cares what all the other women are thinking.
     
  7. jamesharris2431

    jamesharris2431 Fapstronaut

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    That poll isn’t representative of the opinion of most females as you’ve only gotten 12 responses. In most studies, a sample size of 12 wouldn’t be enough for the results to be reliable. Also, you said that you hooked up with a girl a few years ago, so you do have some experience. Perhaps you could go on some more dates until you find a girl you would like to be in a relationship with.
     
  8. MarioCorrelos

    MarioCorrelos Fapstronaut

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    Well, I'll tell you about my case, since I think is similar.

    I turned 28 and, same as you, didn't have sexual experience. I had had what you might call a date, but never even got to the point of hooking up with the girl. So not even a kiss for me. And suddenly this girl appeared in my life. Now we are in a relationship for over 3 years.

    What I mean is never lose hope, even more based on age. But furthermore, and keep this in mind, precisely women around 30 start looking for someone to settle (at least in my country), and as long as you are a normal guy with normal thoughts and feelings, experience shouldn't matter at all. They might consider other aspects to be more relevant than experience.
     
  9. Mr.Tony

    Mr.Tony Fapstronaut

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    You're not alone my whole life never hold a girl's hand, I'm one month from turning 29 years old too, extremely virgin, lonely, whatever you like to call it. Do I care anymore ? Hell NO! - Why is that ? I'm following my own Path not following the crowd, I'm a Lion not a Sheep! - I will move according to my own values and principles, focusing on daily self improvement in all aspects until death, so what ? I will make NoFap a Lifestyle and focus on myself, and lastly, Fuck our Urges! You can control them by doing daily meditation! Good Luck my Warrior Brother!
     
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  10. it really doesn't matter how experienced you are. trust me, you are operating from a false assumption
     
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  11. superstorm250

    superstorm250 Fapstronaut

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    How is it false? You give no explanation as to why this wouldn’t be an issue for most girls.
     
  12. superstorm250

    superstorm250 Fapstronaut

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    That’s just it though, I’m not looking to settle, I’ve never even dated before and that means I’m at the furthest point away you can be from settling down. You do bring up a good point though, I’m wondering if I would mostly encounter girls who are looking to settle down at this point and none of them would want to date me since I’ve never dated and I’m not at that point yet, not that I would want to date anyone looking to settle down either though.
     
  13. superstorm250

    superstorm250 Fapstronaut

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    Only for her to run away when she finds out I’ve never been in a relationship... I hooked up with that girl 7 years ago and haven’t had sex since, that’s still virgin territory. Also, Match.com did a poll asking both men and women if they would date someone inexperienced, like 35% of men said no and 51% of women said no.
     
  14. superstorm250

    superstorm250 Fapstronaut

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    I want several so that I can make up for lost time unless I really hit it off with one of them. Its not really me mind reading, watch some YouTube videos of guys asking girls if they would date an inexperienced guy, most said no.
     
  15. why do you even need to tell her you’re a virgin or whatever. just keep it to yourself

    If the roles were reversed would you find any issue with the girls inexperience?
     
  16. Girls don't care about that. Just be yourself, be confident. There's a lot of rejection in the process, don't take it personally. You don't have to tell them anything. Be interested in her, talk about her. Escalate. No big deal.
     
    Mob Barley likes this.
  17. superstorm250

    superstorm250 Fapstronaut

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    I personally wouldn’t, but I know that a lot of people who have the average amount of experience for their age, (both guys and girls) would rather not be with someone inexperienced because they feel like they’ll end up having to teach someone what most other people their age already know about sex and relationships in addition to running the risk of the inexperienced person becoming super clingy since they’re that person’s first partner.

    Well I wouldn’t bring it up or volunteer that information, but the topic of past relationships and dating history is a pretty standard topic of conversation to have with someone you’re dating when its looking like a relationship might happen between you two, and then they have second thoughts about continuing to see you once they find out how inexperienced you are.
     
  18. superstorm250

    superstorm250 Fapstronaut

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    It seems like a lot do care, at least from what I’ve seen and heard. A lot of times, girls like a guy who is wanted by other girls and her finding out that you’ve never been with anyone gives her the impression that no other girl has wanted you and that she would be settling for someone undesirable that no one else wants. Not to mention that I also still live at home and for the most part, have no friends. I’m just gonna come off as a social reject and a loser when those 2 things are added to my no dating experience.
     
  19. All you can do is try. You are going to get rejected before you find someone. That's just how it works.

    Don't assume that the things that you think girls want is always going to be a barrier with EVERY woman.

    But you can do some things to get your confidence up. It's confidence that you need, bro. Start a hard mode 90 day reboot. Quit the video games. Start earning some money, building a career. You need to have optimism about your future before you will have confidence. Optimism is built by meaningful achievements through work.
     
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  20. kowhte

    kowhte Fapstronaut
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    Hi @superstorm250,

    First of all, My english is not so good sorry for that. I hope you can understand what I am about to say.

    I am 27 years old, I am from Colombia. I know how you feel because I am in the same situation. I have suffered a lot because of that. At his moment I don't try to think about it . I have tried to get out my comfort zone, approached to women and I have been rejected jaja and it hurts, I wanted to resign but I thought it better to keep trying and say I tried instead to close in on myself. I am in therapy and it has helped me a lot. I am trying to improve my self-esteem because it has given me to understand that a woman will not fix my problems. It has not been easy, at the moment I have depressive and anxious behaviors but I try to do my best. I just want you to know that you are not the only one and when I started to get rid of my self-hatred I feel better.

    My best wishes.
     
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