29 never had a girlfriend or dated, I’m losing all hope

Usersamedame · Aug 9, 2022

superstorm250 said: ↑

So technically I’m about to turn 29, but close enough. But I’ve never had a girlfriend or dated (I’ve only been on 1 date 7 years ago) me and the girl I went out with on that one date a long time ago hooked up at the end of the night, but I haven’t had sex at all since then. I just have a feeling that at this point, its gonna be really hard for me to date or get into a relationship because of the fact that I have so little experience at such a late age. I feel like its gonna be a repeating cycle of going out on dates (if I can even get any in the first place) only to be rejected once a girl finds out how inexperienced I am. And I doubt any girls in my age group want or are expecting to be a guy’s first girlfriend. The main reason why I want to carry on with nofap is to get a girlfriend and have real sex on a regular basis, but I’m really starting to feel like I’ve lost my chance because no girls will even be willing to date a guy as old as me who has no experience.
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this is a painful subject. On one hand we are humans, social creatures who crave and need love, companionship etc, but on the other we need to progress and become our own person.

if you are obsessed with a relationship you are evidently lonely and love sick, (this thread is loneliness do yeah obv)
but realistically you need to understand alot of modern women, usually younger like 20s.

these girls just want to have fun with guy and live carefree in their early years and c'mon don't we all? You do don't you? You said you want several women, you wanna have fun like them, so just make that energy your focus, you're inexperienced but so was everyone else at some point, but horniness says "fk that". I cant give you expert advice anyhow, I'm 21, no kiss or relationship. But i have something, a girl crushed on me in college, never spoke to her. That's confidence for me.

you had a bird in bed with you 7 years ago had had sex right? Be proud of that bro.

so a summary as another guy said, we all wanna have fun when we're young and you're around 33% into your life, women at 30s are more serious than those younger bunnies, so maybe date at women your age or slightly older?
good luck i suppose.

Usersamedame · Aug 9, 2022

accurate.

Jiminy Cricket said: ↑

Hey,

Don't you think you're just painting yourself into a corner by only looking at and thinking about things that confirm your bias? Doesn't it just become a self-serving excuse not to try, and thereby stay insecure?

Can I ask how often you have been rejected for the fact of having little experience? Not in a poll, nor a dating app or other thing on the internet, but by some woman you've actually met? If the answer is a lot, then I'd say you have a point, and I'll admit my view of women may be crooked (or you're meeting the wrong kind of women!) But if it is just two or three times, then perhaps you'll have to admit your assumption may not be true or at least a bit rash.

Either way, maybe your assumption is right, maybe it's not. But since it mainly exists in your head regardless, what have you got to lose by changing that assumption? If you live your life as if your past experience doesn't matter, then what will you have to give up? And on the other hand, what do you think you might gain? Perhaps think about these questions before you read on; have your own answers before I give you mine.

I'm going to be blunt here, sorry for that, but perhaps what you'd lose is the excuse that it's not even worth trying. Because by telling yourself you are undateble, you do not have to create the courage to step up to women. That creates safety from being hurt, because some part of you fears getting rejected. In other words, instead of looking at your own insecurity, you place the responsibility with others. You imagine a problem in the world "out there" so you don't have to solve anything "in here". That fear of being rejected, the insecurity, I suggest is the real problem here.

That's exactly why women answer "yes, it's a red flag" in your poll. Because having no experience is a red flag for insecurity, and few women like insecure men. It's not that the actual lack of experience ITSELF is a problem. If you can be confident despite, or even better, WITH your little experience, there's no issue.

You're just creating this barrier yourself, dude. Hell, even if it WERE true that it made you less desirable, no girl is going to ask you on the first dates how much sex you have had or how many ex-girlfriends you have. Trust me, they don't want to know, really. They're also not going to tell by how you act in the bedroom. So if you just don't bring it up until you're ready, they won't know anyway, until you're ready to tell them later in the relationship.

That's my 2 cents. I know it's a bit rough, sorry bout that. But I hope it can help, because I recognize some of my past self in you. I was a relative late bloomer myself. My excuse was, "no girl is attracted to the nerdy guy who likes math; no woman wants a man who doesn't care about sports; blablabla." Turned out to be nonsense that only existed in my head. After I let that go, I dated and flirted with some really beautiful women. Even the most "different" and "distant" kind of woman I could have ever imagined beforehand, like a professional soccer player who was really good looking. (Remember, I was the no-sports lanky guy.) How? Self confidence, first and foremost.

Confidence, by the way, which I did not get from sexual experience, for I don't have all that much. I got that confidence mainly from one thing: learning to be fine with rejection. Rejection is just part of the dating game, and you'll need to get used to it. Sorry! No pain, no gain, I suppose. You can do nofap for years, and you will gain confidence surrounding self control, but if you don't learn to deal with the possibility of rejection, in my experience you'll still stay insecure around women. (But still stay away from porn, because one of the attractions of porn is exactly that those girls never reject you. So it aggravates the problem of insecurity.)

In fact, I might even suggest you'll need to do it yourself, to reject a few girls. That truly creates confidence, since you show to yourself you don't really need verification from someone else. Don't worry, they'll be fine. No, you're not using them as a tool, for you have a real reason for rejecting them: you're not ready.

But if you never place yourself in situations where you might meet up with girls because you assume none will want you anyway, then when will you ever have the chance to either reject or be rejected? When will you actually gain the experience and confidence? Sure, live by your assumption if you want, that no single girl in the whole world would ever want you. But you'll be wallowing in your self-pity until you're 90 years old. Is that how you want to live, or do you want to live with the knowledge that at least you gave it a good shot?

One final idea, think of yourself like this: "That little experience of mine, that's just exactly who I am and wish to be. That's my thing which makes me unique!" Sounds silly, I know, but you might as well embrace it fully, since you can't magically wish it away, anyway.

Let me know what you think, including if you think I'm being a total asshole!
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in all honesty, guys mess up 90% the time.
girls ain't gonna know your experience or dik size until it's in their face right? So just keep screwing them until you get good? Just me broski

TheRisingShogun · Aug 14, 2022

superstorm250 said: ↑

For me, there really isn’t. I’d rather be a PMO addict if I can never have a girlfriend or real sex.
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Watching couples have sex when your a single virgin is like locking a dog in a cage and making the dog stare at a pile of meat.

PMO is emotional pain disguised as emotional pleasure.

OhWhenThe · Aug 15, 2022

Same, although it's mainly because I've never actually tried meeting anyone, I completely replaced the need with porn. Only since trying to quit did I see how bad that was and the hole it's left me in. I don't know the first thing about women or dating, it's a totally alien concept to me now and one that I struggle to comprehend in my mind. I have no idea how people even meet once you're past the school stage and it seems doubly impossible when you also have literally zero friends.

superstorm250 · Aug 15, 2022

OhWhenThe said: ↑

Same, although it's mainly because I've never actually tried meeting anyone, I completely replaced the need with porn. Only since trying to quit did I see how bad that was and the hole it's left me in. I don't know the first thing about women or dating, it's a totally alien concept to me now and one that I struggle to comprehend in my mind. I have no idea how people even meet once you're past the school stage and it seems doubly impossible when you also have literally zero friends.
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Couldn’t have said it better myself, I did the exact same thing because I’ve always had low confidence when it comes to dating and girls, I thought that I would get rejected at every turn and no matter what I did or changed about myself would make any difference and that PMO was keeping me safe from that.

It wasn’t until I got older that I realized how bad of a mistake that was, and I was past the school age when I came to that realization as well. I’m considering working with a dating coach that I found online who specializes in helping adult aged men with no dating experience, I don’t know if it’ll help but it might be worth a try. I also feel you on the zero friends thing, my last friend moved away a couple years ago and the only other people I could hang out with are my coworkers from a summer job I do every year, but we usually only hang out once after the work season ends and that’s it. So I really don’t have any friends either and I get worried that a girl won’t want to get involved with a guy who has no friends.

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29 never had a girlfriend or dated, I’m losing all hope

Usersamedame Fapstronaut

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