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29 year old male virgin looking for advice and help

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by artist52488, Nov 2, 2017.

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  1. Nov 2, 2017 #1
    artist52488

    artist52488 New Fapstronaut

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    Hi, I'm new to this site and this is my first thread.

    I need help and i'm looking for different perspectives so I can fix myself.

    I'm a 29 year old male virgin and its been bothering me for the past 9 or 10 years.
    i want a relationship and sex. Someone who knows and accepts me for who I am.

    I thought about commiting suicide over my virginity for the past ten years, at least once a week and I'm tired of feeling this way.

    I don't feel like I'm a man, and I feel like I live in a doomed existence that's unworthy of love.

    The older I get, the stronger the suicidal feelings.
    I feel like I've missed out. If i havn't had sex yet, its never going to happen.

    About myself,
    people from my past, my mom, female coworkers I work with say that I'm handsome or attractive, but I don't believe them. How can I?

    I've never been on a date, because of lack of confidence and feeling ugly and worthless all the time.

    I'm not very social and I feel anxious and on edge at parties (once or twice a year) when I'm around people i don't know.

    I have no "real friends" just aquaitances and coworkers. i try to be social, but I'm not good at it.

    Maybe its my personality and lack of confidence. Maybe I'm attractive on the outside and unnattractive on the inside. My mind is racing and I don't know whats true about myself.

    Though,
    With age I've come out my shell more, but the girls i'm interested in all have boyfriends already and I'm stuck in the friend zone

    Also,
    My stepmother and my father would emotionally and psychologically abuse me from when I was 7 till i was 13 years old. Talking to my mother about it was the only thing that kept me sort of sane.
    I think that's where my lack of confidence might have come from

    I'm about to get my bfa in a couple of months and I have a part time job (I'd prefer full time, but alas the economy) and no car. Though, my mom lets me drive her car whenever I need it.

    This might sound stupid, but i thought about having sex with men if it would make me lose my virginity faster. I enjoy anal masturbation and maybe I'm bisexual. But if I had to choose, I'd prefer a woman over a man.

    I've been masturbating and looking at porn since i was 15. I masturbate 2-3 times a day.
    Is it true that masturbating to porn will keep you from getting a girlfriend? Different sites say different things, and I don't know what is true.

    If anyone could help me out and give advice, It would be greatly appreciated:)
     
    artist52488, Nov 2, 2017
    artist52488, Nov 2, 2017
    #1
  2. Nov 3, 2017 #2
    DogDaysOfLife

    DogDaysOfLife Fapstronaut

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    Hello Mr. Artist. I’m a few years younger but I can empathize with some of your concerns. I think you’ll find everyone who finds themselves drawn to the idea of quitting porn has their own unique story but some issues come up very often.

    First thing: Don't commit suicide. People care about you, and most of all you deserve a good life and you can keep making an effort to get better every day.

    I know it bothers you that you can’t find love. Romantic love includes sex but when we look at porn it’s all about sex. And it makes us define ourselves by the fact we haven’t had sex. That’s a self-defeating way to define yourself. “Virgin?” You’re a man who is capable of a relationship with a woman. There’s nothing wrong with being bisexual, but don’t settle for a man if a straight relationship is what you want. It really wouldn’t be hard to get in a man’s bed but I’m just saying it’s clear that it’s love, not sex, that you’re really yearning for.

    Most of the time on nofap we suggest abstaining from porn and similar content and not masturbating for 90 days. Once you get there you’ll at least have a taste of what it’s like not to be a slave to porn. Also check out the Self-Improvement subforum for some tips.

    That becomes a porn addiction question. Many people have managed to cage the sex drive by using porn multiple times daily. How can the sex drive lead you to pursue real-life partners when it's being given what it wants through porn? Your teaching yourself that feeling sexual excitement has a quick solution - no girlfriend needed! And the problem is you don't get anyone to love that way!
     
    DogDaysOfLife, Nov 3, 2017
    DogDaysOfLife, Nov 3, 2017
    #2
    texman likes this.
  3. Oct 27, 2018 #3
    Passingthru12

    Passingthru12 New Fapstronaut

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    Quickest solution to your problem is to screw traditionally non- attractive women. Men have been doing this for centuries. Before I'm label a sexist pig I'm a woman who mean well. But it's depressing to hear someone say they're suicidal about their lack of sexual experience. Plenty of manwhores out here who feel less of a man bc of something trivial as well. If sex is this important go have sex with a woman who gets zero attention from men. It's a confidence boast for both of you. Go to therapy workout your self-esteem issues. I know I'm late responding to your post hopefully you're in a relationship by now
     
    Passingthru12, Oct 27, 2018
    Passingthru12, Oct 27, 2018
    #3
    Deleted Account likes this.

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