2nd Biggest Relapse, Re-set 90-days NoFap

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by VanillaMochi, Mar 10, 2015.

  1. VanillaMochi

    VanillaMochi Fapstronaut

    1,261
    79
    48
    After going 74 days without masturbating or edging/watching PMO I relapsed.

    The stresses of this relapse were a number of things from being rejected by a love interest, gambling away all of my tax money, and family problems/home-life. During this time I also quit smoking cigarettes and drank only water for around 60 days.

    Currently I've been smoking everyday... PMO every other day at least once a day for almost a week and a half now. I also recently went on a gambling binge and turned $100 in to over two thousand before losing it all back.

    I've taken steps to get the gambling under control which was probably the biggest trigger of all. Or at least the straw that sipped the milk shake flat.

    I'm creating this journal as a fresh start to give this another try. I may stray off the path but I will always come back. I know when I've been licked... and PMO has the barbed tongue of a feral cat made out of desert sand paper.

    I'm not going to set any goals currently. I need to rest and recuperate. The first week is always the hardest if not the first two days after a big relapse for me. And I relapsed on everything. I mean everything. When I burn out... I burn big. It's not a fancy and glamorous bon fire on the beach either... it's almost like destroying an entire rain forest with plants and wild life that could have potentially cured a rare disease and saved my life.

    No matter how bad something gets... it can get better. I do not have to live this way. I do not have to give up. For a while I had given up. It feels good to let go and do whatever I want without thinking of the long-term consequences. That short-term buzz is never worth it. If you are not improving yourself a little each day, you are setting yourself back substantially over the long run and eventually it will kick you in the kaboose!

    I have learned a lot from this relapse. I am hoping to make it further this time. Only time will tell and I am more than willing to let the days pass by. Every single day is an achievement. We all know how hard it is to remain disciplined and focused on something. You earn every single day. Do not sell yourself short. I don't care if you have 100 days or 1 day. You earned every one of them and should be commended for your effort.

    God bless all of you who are trying to beat this. You only lose if you give up. Read the quote at the bottom of this post in my signature. It's the first one I came across on http://emergency.nofap.org and a really good one.

    If you are thinking about relapsing but have made it this far in reading my journal visit that link and get some help. Then log off of your computer and do something interesting. Life is too short to waste it rotting away in front of a monitor to digital imagery. There are millions of other things that can stimulate you on a more meaningful level. Go out and find those things.

    - vM
     
  2. Finalfight123

    Finalfight123 Fapstronaut

    470
    5
    18
    Dude whenever I relapse dude I binge so hard. Its probably a character defect in myself that if something isn't perfect I'm just gonna burn it all down and start fresh. But its good to see you learned something because life's to short to make the same mistake twice.

    I have a feeling man that these coming months you'll get where you want to go it won't be easy but I know your up to the challenge i'm sure. Good luck man.
     
    headedup likes this.
  3. seventyniner

    seventyniner Fapstronaut

    1,285
    1,142
    143
    Best of luck for the first days. And good choice to come back here. You can do it!
     
  4. newusername

    newusername Fapstronaut

    15
    0
    8
    Once you get like a week or two away from this relapse, it will feel like you are still on your original streak! you got this!!
     
  5. Rising_up

    Rising_up Fapstronaut

    55
    3
    8
    Do meditation bro!
    You'll get better and better..
    We need the mental workout very badly..
    You will find the strength you need because there is greatness within you!!
     
  6. VanillaMochi

    VanillaMochi Fapstronaut

    1,261
    79
    48
    Thank you for the post and kind words. I read your "Post worth reading" and it definitely was worth reading.

    I could have went two directions in taking its advice. I think I chose a better one. Instead of studying gambling I'm going to focus on writing and music.

    I will be spending the next six weeks learning to play piano.

    I feel better. Telling the truth feels good. I am ready to get back on the horse.

    I enjoy doing the right thing more than not.

    I have a GA meeting tonight.
     
  7. PrevCDM

    PrevCDM Guest

    Own it. Sounds like you know what to do. Wishing you a speedy recovery from all those relapses. Congratulations on moving towards learning the piano. Best way to stop doing something is to start doing something else. I'm rooting for you.
     
  8. Howie

    Howie Guest

    Gotta keep on trying bro....Keep on trying and dont ever give up....Even though I have been edging, I have not spilt my seed all over the ground and kept it in....But im even gonna try to stop edging too....
     
  9. VanillaMochi

    VanillaMochi Fapstronaut

    1,261
    79
    48
    Two days have gone by without an issue... I have no libido right now thankfully. I have been focused on other things and PMO is not an issue or even a thought on my mind.

    I've been chain smoking but I'm smoking less. No money means no cigs means I can quit again.

    I look to my left and see a huge amount of books to occupy my time and I am thankful to have put together this reading list to learn how to be a better writer. Some good may just come of this relapse. I think I am taking the necessary steps to actually succeeding this time around. I was missing some key points but I think I am plugged in to them.

    Good luck to everyone out there

    @How stop edging bro. I heard that's the worst thing you can do for your reboot.
     
  10. VanillaMochi

    VanillaMochi Fapstronaut

    1,261
    79
    48
    Feeling better.

    It's going to be a long journey but I am happy to make a little progress each day. I am smoking less, which is good. Not completely quit yet. But less.

    About seven chapters in to my first book. Going to read more tonight and tomorrow. I really want to get in the habit of reading a lot every day.

    I was feeling really low earlier. This relapse has taken away my good mood and joy. I want to be able to smile again. To feel good about myself again. I no longer want to succumb to my addictions.

    Here's to being a better me. For me.
     
  11. ChangeofDavid

    ChangeofDavid Fapstronaut

    222
    45
    28
    Read the book will power!! You can do it
     
  12. VanillaMochi

    VanillaMochi Fapstronaut

    1,261
    79
    48
    I'm not taking this serious anymore. I need to re-educate myself and find a new focus.

    Things I feel like I should be doing but I'm not:

    1) Keep my door open and curtains open at all times.
    2) Wear a rubber band at all times and snap when any sexual thought occurs.
    3) Read other journals and respond to new members with support.
    4) Exercise daily. Run + push-ups
    5) Meditate daily. At least 20 minutes.
    6) Read/study daily. At least three chapters.
    7) Pray daily. If not for myself, for others.
    8) Go for a walk or bike ride at least once a day, even if it's only around the block.
    9) Socialize with a stranger whenever possible, even if it's just a hello.
    10) Watch videos about this addiction. (Sacred Sexuality, YBOP etc)
     
  13. Monster Carrot

    Monster Carrot Fapstronaut

    1,020
    1,268
    143
    Hey vM. Thinking about you now. Don't let this get you down. I think you should expect the urges to be stronger, or at least your will to beat them to be a bit weaker for now. That is just the way it is in the beginning. And I guess even a week in is still danger territory.

    Please do pray for yourself every day. It's not a selfish thing to do. Your well-being should be the top priority. You can only accomplish things for others by prayer if you yourself are in a proper state. I shouldn't preach about this because I often forget to pray for way too long, but I am trying to get better at it. Help is there, you have to just ask for it. You aren't guaranteed all kinds of nice blessings in life, but you are guaranteed help during temptation.
     
  14. KoalaDude

    KoalaDude Fapstronaut

    117
    15
    18
    Hey Guy

    Just wanted to let you know that I've been keepin up with your progress and man you've progressed a lot further than I ever have.
    Like what Finalfight123 have said, your many challenges you have set up for yourself may be a bit of an overkill.
    Maybe take out one thing at a time, all those things you've been abstaining from sure shows your courage and determination but I also see an All or Nothing mentality. I know I struggle with it as well.

    Out of all the bad habits I consider PMO to be the most damaging, so I'm taking out the biggest one first and go from there.

    Well if anything, it seems you have learned alot from this relapse and I wish you best of luck on your next streak!
     
  15. VanillaMochi

    VanillaMochi Fapstronaut

    1,261
    79
    48
    Had some lapses but I'm at three days... just gave up the smokes. So, here goes.
     
  16. VanillaMochi

    VanillaMochi Fapstronaut

    1,261
    79
    48
    Gambled away all of my money again.

    PMO'd again.

    Got another pack of smokes, again.

    I feel so hopeless... so lost....
     
  17. Finalfight123

    Finalfight123 Fapstronaut

    470
    5
    18
    Get back on route. Everything youve done is a learning experiance. Just remember there is tomorrow and maybe stop gambling for awhile. I know easier said than done. But we have to try win or lose doesnt matter the effort you put in is everything.
     
  18. headedup

    headedup Fapstronaut

    890
    265
    43
    Dude, you need not only a program (Fortify, NoFap Academy) but a therapist. I'm 100% serious; it's an easy step and I know you can do it. How hard is it to go? Not hard at all. You will succeed. Please, please do this. For yourself. There is no reason to stay at rock bottom.
     
  19. Monster Carrot

    Monster Carrot Fapstronaut

    1,020
    1,268
    143
    Hey guys, I think he is posting on a new thread now: here
     

Share This Page