VanillaMochi
Fapstronaut
After going 74 days without masturbating or edging/watching PMO I relapsed.
The stresses of this relapse were a number of things from being rejected by a love interest, gambling away all of my tax money, and family problems/home-life. During this time I also quit smoking cigarettes and drank only water for around 60 days.
Currently I've been smoking everyday... PMO every other day at least once a day for almost a week and a half now. I also recently went on a gambling binge and turned $100 in to over two thousand before losing it all back.
I've taken steps to get the gambling under control which was probably the biggest trigger of all. Or at least the straw that sipped the milk shake flat.
I'm creating this journal as a fresh start to give this another try. I may stray off the path but I will always come back. I know when I've been licked... and PMO has the barbed tongue of a feral cat made out of desert sand paper.
I'm not going to set any goals currently. I need to rest and recuperate. The first week is always the hardest if not the first two days after a big relapse for me. And I relapsed on everything. I mean everything. When I burn out... I burn big. It's not a fancy and glamorous bon fire on the beach either... it's almost like destroying an entire rain forest with plants and wild life that could have potentially cured a rare disease and saved my life.
No matter how bad something gets... it can get better. I do not have to live this way. I do not have to give up. For a while I had given up. It feels good to let go and do whatever I want without thinking of the long-term consequences. That short-term buzz is never worth it. If you are not improving yourself a little each day, you are setting yourself back substantially over the long run and eventually it will kick you in the kaboose!
I have learned a lot from this relapse. I am hoping to make it further this time. Only time will tell and I am more than willing to let the days pass by. Every single day is an achievement. We all know how hard it is to remain disciplined and focused on something. You earn every single day. Do not sell yourself short. I don't care if you have 100 days or 1 day. You earned every one of them and should be commended for your effort.
God bless all of you who are trying to beat this. You only lose if you give up. Read the quote at the bottom of this post in my signature. It's the first one I came across on http://emergency.nofap.org and a really good one.
If you are thinking about relapsing but have made it this far in reading my journal visit that link and get some help. Then log off of your computer and do something interesting. Life is too short to waste it rotting away in front of a monitor to digital imagery. There are millions of other things that can stimulate you on a more meaningful level. Go out and find those things.
- vM
The stresses of this relapse were a number of things from being rejected by a love interest, gambling away all of my tax money, and family problems/home-life. During this time I also quit smoking cigarettes and drank only water for around 60 days.
Currently I've been smoking everyday... PMO every other day at least once a day for almost a week and a half now. I also recently went on a gambling binge and turned $100 in to over two thousand before losing it all back.
I've taken steps to get the gambling under control which was probably the biggest trigger of all. Or at least the straw that sipped the milk shake flat.
I'm creating this journal as a fresh start to give this another try. I may stray off the path but I will always come back. I know when I've been licked... and PMO has the barbed tongue of a feral cat made out of desert sand paper.
I'm not going to set any goals currently. I need to rest and recuperate. The first week is always the hardest if not the first two days after a big relapse for me. And I relapsed on everything. I mean everything. When I burn out... I burn big. It's not a fancy and glamorous bon fire on the beach either... it's almost like destroying an entire rain forest with plants and wild life that could have potentially cured a rare disease and saved my life.
No matter how bad something gets... it can get better. I do not have to live this way. I do not have to give up. For a while I had given up. It feels good to let go and do whatever I want without thinking of the long-term consequences. That short-term buzz is never worth it. If you are not improving yourself a little each day, you are setting yourself back substantially over the long run and eventually it will kick you in the kaboose!
I have learned a lot from this relapse. I am hoping to make it further this time. Only time will tell and I am more than willing to let the days pass by. Every single day is an achievement. We all know how hard it is to remain disciplined and focused on something. You earn every single day. Do not sell yourself short. I don't care if you have 100 days or 1 day. You earned every one of them and should be commended for your effort.
God bless all of you who are trying to beat this. You only lose if you give up. Read the quote at the bottom of this post in my signature. It's the first one I came across on http://emergency.nofap.org and a really good one.
If you are thinking about relapsing but have made it this far in reading my journal visit that link and get some help. Then log off of your computer and do something interesting. Life is too short to waste it rotting away in front of a monitor to digital imagery. There are millions of other things that can stimulate you on a more meaningful level. Go out and find those things.
- vM
