I found out about the addiction when I got into boxing and was around 14. I noticed that it was a big problem and started trying to take care of it, however, it’s gotten even worse! I’m so shameful and disappointed in myself, I prepare myself like crazy and I have never even gotten past 15 days!! I’ve tried the “just wing it” approach too and of course that didn’t work. I’ve tried: counter, no counter, meditating, cold showers, accountability group, accountability partner, audiobooks, watching NoFap videos, reading NoFap articles, journaling, accountability mirror, working out (I do it all the time but seems like all it does is raise my testostorone from all the lifting and makes it harder), writing a big ass page on what to do when urges hit, even blocking the sites on my computer and phone but I just end up turning the restrictions off. I don’t know what to do. I MUST quit it right now. I have ~18/19 days until a birthday party and I couldnt even imagine what would it be like, but It’s be dreadful to turn up after relapsing again. I’m so tired! I want to change, I’m tired of my own self but I always indulge in the urges and not look at long term goals, I’ve lost all belief in myself and motivation to even push through the urges. Today I just relapsed again after getting my stuff “together” and being ready... parents left the house, cancelled my chores to just indulge in this bs... and almost did it twice, just stopped... My fetishes have become crazier and I’m edging for longer periods of time... until I get blueballs, because when I start PM’ing it’s just like “whatever” for me from then on. I know I’m whining right now and this post is chaotic but I literally dont know what to do. Please, help any way you can, I have to get it right..I see no point in living like this. (No this isnt a suicidal thought it’s just dreadful and I hate my current boring lifestyle).