3-part relapse prevention with something that's mostly overlooked

What comes first is that you should make sure daily that the riskfactors for a relapse stay as low as possible. This is all the basic advice such as not looking at images or thinking about things that turn you on. And the physical and mental health play a part in getting a healthy diet, enough exercise and enough sleep. And meditation is recommended.

When you're having urges, or shortly before, during, or shortly after a relapse or edging session, you are probably asking yourself: “This is so difficult to resist, how am I ever able to resist this, let alone on a daily base?” This can cause the fear that you will have to fap forever.

But the solution actually lies in the question itself. It was during the moment that you were in an uncontrollable state that you questioned it.

It is obvious to all that you don't have urges and relapses all the time, but what is mostly overlooked is that the above question of how such a hard thing can be controlled, is usually only asked during those PMO-related moments, and that's what makes a key obstacle.

During those moments of having an urge, peeking, fantasizing, or relapsing, your brain is in a state where you have a lack of control of your decisions. The part that manages emotions is way more active at that time then the part that manages rational decisions.

That's why all those times you have that thought at that moment likely end up with frustration instead of an answer. And especially when this gets repeated over time it can cause a hopeless outlook for abstaining consistently and on its turn cause more relapses.

This leads me to the following, and with that the second part, which is making some sort of protocol for when a riskful situation occurs.

Usually you don't get certain complex questions like the one mentioned popped up at random moments, in this case it was strongly caused by the strong emotions that went along with it. But unfortunately, during an urge or relapse, you don't have the opportunity to patiently think about difficult questions.

And because of that I realised that you can think outside the box with this, and that the prevention of relapses and urges lies in the moments when you don't have them. And at a dedicated time and place where you have the opportunity to be in a controlled state, and then observe the urge.

For getting inspiration about your own ideas for methods that may benefit to anything related to abstaining, I would say one good wasy is to sit in a quiet place with dimmed lights (in a meditative way is optional but may put the focus too much on meditating), but not laying down as that can cause urges and you to go to sleep. But outside while sitting or with mild to moderate exercise is a good opportunity as well.

I actually got much of my inspiration during cycling outside, and it came together with a strong motivated and optimistic feeling regarding the future. I think this is because of the increased blood flow and oxygen. I unrecommend exercise at home for getting ideas for this, because the increased blood flow combined with the hormones from exercising and the urge to lay down can trigger a relapse.

For the final part I will use one of my examples. When you have come up with an idea or use my example, the next step is to practise to get that method as a new reaction for when you get an urge, or see something or think about something that can cause you to keep focusing on it with a relapse as a possibility, instead of the old reaction that made it more likely to keep focused on it.

For this part it is important that you practice it in a place where you can sit and where there's little distraction. It should be done regularly so that you really stay used to the new responses. I would say 3-5 times a week 10-20 minutes each time.

There are different types of initial urges, mostly physical, visual and thought. It's either good to do many times the same in a row or more variation.

The key is imagining the moments where it started, and then let it be followed by another action that redirects it. And the important difference here is that this time, you first have a controlled mind, and then you confront the PMO-related thing that seemed so impossible to deal with at first, instead of what used to happen it came when you were in less control.

When you focus on physical urges for example, the sensation that you get always starts very light and at a specific place. So then you can consider that sensation as a visual point of energy at that place that causes that sensation.

And as soon as you notice sensation there, visualise it going up and spreading out to the rest of your body, causing it to get less and less bright, and simultaneously the sensation getting less and less strong.

For a visual or thought induced urge it works much the same in that it is something or someone that you see. Like with the physical example it can be viewed as energy points that can be redirected in another way. But now the difference is that it is remote from you instead of inside.

As soon as you notice a stimulating thought or something that you see, view it as if something you can touch remotely and push it aside. Not necessarily with your hands but as if you're exerting some force on it causing it to move.