3 Things I have learned

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by chris4nj, Dec 31, 2015.

  1. chris4nj

    chris4nj Fapstronaut

    While I still consider myself an addict, there are three things I have learned in the two years I have been dealing with the addiction (I have been aware I am addicted for two years, addicted much more than that):
    1. It starts with lack of connection
    2. It's all about the brain and retraining it
    3. I have a choice
    It starts with lack of connection
    • From what I have read, all addiction has its roots in the experience of a lack of connection.
    • This fits in my experience - the times I have the urges to PMO are when I feel alone, afraid, anxious, etc.
    • To have true success in dealing with the addiction seems to take establishing nurturing connections with others
    • One of the things that has made the biggest difference for me is telling a few close friends that I am addicted and what I have been going through.
      • It was VERY difficult the first time I did this. It continues to be uncomfortable, and MUCH less so than before
    It's all about the brain and retraining it
    • Endless gratitude to Gary Wilson, who created http://yourbrainonporn.com/.
      • When I stumbled onto his website was when I realized that I was addicted. This began my recovery.
      • If you haven't looked at that website - stop what you are doing and go there now
    • I have unwittingly trained my brain to go to porn and want more and more
    • What it takes is retraining my brain
      • This takes practice and time
      • The practice can at times be very uncomfortable (just like physical exercise)
      • Sometimes I fall
      • And, like any training regime, the more I stick at it, it pays significant benefits
    • I am not bad, wrong, god doesn't hate me, I am not the scum of the earth
      • I have just unwittingly trained my brain a certain way and what there is to do is retrain it
    I have a choice
    • I have a choice whether I go to the PC and look at porn or I
      • Get up and go for a walk
      • Phone a friend
      • Go exercise
      • Anything else
    • And, sometimes I forget I have a choice
    I hope this helps.
    Thank you all - those who started this site, those who have been on for a while, those who just joined. You presence makes a difference for me.
    Patillitas, volt8721, Napav and 25 others like this.
  2. Rav70

    Rav70 Fapstronaut

    Great post!
    Deleted Account likes this.
  3. nomo

    nomo Fapstronaut

    Nice, I have put this in my "watch thread" file so I can reread it when I need some encouragement.

    Good luck, congratulations on 92-days. I want to make 90-days and see if a reboot occurs.
  4. ukkometso420

    ukkometso420 Fapstronaut

    ^ This is also what I've found. The addiction doesn't come from the substance/behavior you're addicted to – it's just a twisted way of coping with the dark shit in your life. I recently read an article by a psychiatrist, who put it pretty neatly: "Addiction is born, when a person can't – or is afraid to – be fully present in their own life". For the life of me I can't find this source, but this sentence struck a chord.
  5. HelpIsOnTheWay

    HelpIsOnTheWay Fapstronaut

    I agree it's being aware and present, and trying to soothe a deep lack or pain.

    I noticed that I'm not thinking about p0rn when I have connections and when I am active. Idle time and frustration are the worse!
  6. nomo

    nomo Fapstronaut

    You are 100% right on this post. The hard part for me is finding enough connections, keeping active can be a challenge but I know how to do that. I wish I could build a bigger friend base to be active with, it gets harder to meet like-minded people as I get older. In 2016 I'm trying to get out of my house to do something social at least 2 times during the week and the weekends I can usually find one activity that involves others.
    Good luck, stay strong.
    chris4nj likes this.
  7. chris4nj

    chris4nj Fapstronaut

    Thanks, guys for your comments.
    2016 is the first year (in more than 40) of no porn!
    I must say, life is different (read: better) without the porn and PMO.
    I am getting more able to handle the rough spots (not that they go away, just better able to handle them.

    I also agree with nomo
    One additional thing I may add - what makes a difference is giving up judging myself.

    Here's to us and the new world we are creating!
    Andyst343, nomo and Rav70 like this.
  8. johnwick

    johnwick Fapstronaut

    Thanks for this bro, just replying so I can read it later.
  9. vxlccm

    vxlccm Fapstronaut

    My Journal
    @chris4nj Been a while. Hope you're going strong!
  10. I Free I

    I Free I Guest

  11. Prince Mishra

    Prince Mishra New Fapstronaut

    Hey friends I wanna ask you all.I have recently joined this community.I have left PMO.But what should I do with all the energy that I am feeling after abstaining PMO.Suggest some good things that I can start with this new level of energy inside me.
  12. vxlccm

    vxlccm Fapstronaut

    My Journal
    1. Congratulations on your new commitment. How about starting your own reboot journal? Pick an age range from the main page and start telling your story. I'm sure you'll get suggestions. That's the best way to let the conversation be about you, and to keep it from getting scattered all over the forums so it's easy to find help when you're dying for an emergency idea or help right then.

    2. There's also the self-improvement area which would totally be a good reference.

    Aside that, for starters, the most common thing I see people talk about success with is setting some kind of fitness goals. Often that's a gym, but many of us run or hike or whatever else. If you're not into any practice of prayer, meditation, or mindfulness, then that's your next go-to skill to hone.

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