3 Weeks in...Could use some advice.

[JacobHorton95]

What's up guys, I'm Jacob. I'm 23. I started my journey of quitting pornography and masturbation exactly 3 weeks ago, alongside completely quitting drinking alcohol, and I've been feeling on top of the world, of course. Every aspect of my life is improving and I feel alive and in control again. I'm going to continue on my streak, without a doubt. I don't really have much desire to watch porn, but I do have urges to masturbate quite frequently, especially since my man parts are definitely bigger and more "full" if you know what I mean. I've also been eating a very healthy "testosterone increasing" diet along with working out, so overall I just feel like a freaking animal. I love it.

My issue is this.. My confidence with approaching and attracting women has increased a lot, but, I can tell that this "confidence" is rooted in a desperation for sex. I think about sex with basically every woman I come into contact with. For example, I just started a new job and have only worked 2 days now, but have already exchanged numbers with two girls (who have openly expressed their attraction for me) and I have played through "strategies" in my mind continuously about how to get them in my bed. It's consuming my thoughts. I guess I feel as if my brain is trying to swap the pornography habit over to real life itemization of women, and this isn't the kind of man that I want to be. Yet, good lord, I would love to be having my way with a woman, in my bed, right now.

Sex is important in a man's life, of course. But I don't want it to be the driving force of my thoughts and actions, because I'm starting to feel like it is becoming that.

Any advice from more experienced Fapstronauts, and really anyone, is highly appreciated. Thanks!

Jacob

 

[Deleted Account]

What's up guys, I'm Jacob. I'm 23. I started my journey of quitting pornography and masturbation exactly 3 weeks ago, alongside completely quitting drinking alcohol, and I've been feeling on top of the world, of course. Every aspect of my life is improving and I feel alive and in control again. I'm going to continue on my streak, without a doubt. I don't really have much desire to watch porn, but I do have urges to masturbate quite frequently, especially since my man parts are definitely bigger and more "full" if you know what I mean. I've also been eating a very healthy "testosterone increasing" diet along with working out, so overall I just feel like a freaking animal. I love it.

My issue is this.. My confidence with approaching and attracting women has increased a lot, but, I can tell that this "confidence" is rooted in a desperation for sex. I think about sex with basically every woman I come into contact with. For example, I just started a new job and have only worked 2 days now, but have already exchanged numbers with two girls (who have openly expressed their attraction for me) and I have played through "strategies" in my mind continuously about how to get them in my bed. It's consuming my thoughts. I guess I feel as if my brain is trying to swap the pornography habit over to real life itemization of women, and this isn't the kind of man that I want to be. Yet, good lord, I would love to be having my way with a woman, in my bed, right now.

Sex is important in a man's life, of course. But I don't want it to be the driving force of my thoughts and actions, because I'm starting to feel like it is becoming that.

Any advice from more experienced Fapstronauts, and really anyone, is highly appreciated. Thanks!

Jacob

Hi. Welcome to forum!

Make sure you create a personal journal thread in Reboot Logs section and blog there on a regular basis. As well as just generally be active participant in various forum discussions. I recommend this to everybody new here because it's the major thing that helped me when I was first starting. Just lurking on forums, reading and learning is great. But it usually is so much more powerful to engage. It helps to keep us motivated and accountable when we are active part of community. And keeps this in front of our minds so we don't forget about importance of it and slip away in our old habits. Sharing is also therapeutic. This is a major reason why AA meetings work so good. But that was developed before internet era. These days we can get most of the same benefits online through communities like this. So don't underestimate the power of active participation.

I would also like to suggest you to look into mindfulness meditation. It has helped me personally tremendously to learn how to deal with urges and triggers. It takes a while to get good at it and notice results, so you need to be consistent with it, but once you do it's very powerful. It has been used by sages for thousands of years to deal with various issues of the mind. And in recent decades the science is also catching up to what ancient sages have know for centuries. Meditation these days are widely used as very effective tool by psychologists for treating addiction and by neurologists for supporting recovery of the brain. It is a great exercise for the brain the same way as jogging is great exercise for the body. Check out this Ted talk, it gives a good idea of what's it about when it comes to philosophy. As far as practical side of it there is this awesome smartphone app called Headspace for guided meditations to get you started.

Wish you lot's of strength and success in your reboot journey!

 

[Moon Shot]

isn't the kind of man that I want to be

Yet, good lord, I would love to be having my way with a woman, in my bed, right now.

Well... You have a dilemma. Your words draw out two possibilities. Do you think bedding a woman (at this point) is against your morals? I don't know, I am just a stranger asking whether you know what you want.

The choice is really simple, but maybe for you, it may be difficult to decide. But the only questions you need to ask and answer yourself (SPOILER: No one can answer it for you ) are whether or not you are okay with this:

But I don't want it to be the driving force of my thoughts and actions, because I'm starting to feel like it is becoming that.

And whether the choice of character (if there is one) is one you are willing to take. But when you decide, stick to your decision. Maybe at this point, with three weeks on your clock, there's still time to wait? Maybe your addiction is manifesting itself in another form? Just be aware of all the possibilities, and you'll be fine.

I wish the very best for you in your travellings.

 

[Deleted Account]

I used to have this same dilemma when I was single, I felt almost a desperation trying to be with any woman (any, older, younger (all over 18 of course, any size and shape) and when I couldn’t get a woman I was interested, then I would find interest in guys and trans online and when I totally struck out, porn was always there.

Now as I’m married, I still find myself fantasizing about any woman I see or talk to, but I find that to be perfectly Normal because thinking it and acting upon it is two separate things. I have never physically cheated on my wife, and while I have never exchanged numbers with any woman while being with my wife. I have grown to talking to women I work with and being polite with women at the gym and at the store and anywhere in general, and I have never been like that before nofap. While some of them I do fantasize about for moments or at random times after words or will bullshit about with my friends “oh this one chick at the gym...” etc I don’t act on it.

I think it’s fine for you to want to have sex but don’t let it consume your life and spill over into porn and other actions. Everything you’re saying (getting numbers etc) sounds very natural and let everything happen naturally even if it leads to sex.

I don’t believe in literal God but a higher power so take this advice into play...

“I've looked on a lot of women with lust. I've committed adultery in my heart many times. This is something that God recognizes I will do--and I have done it--and God forgives me for it." - Jimmy Carter