30 day challenge, baby

I've given this some thought. I thought about forcing my demise by pissing off staff members/ admin by just being brutally honest with other members here. But I think I might choose a more constructive route. I hope this will help others following this same path. After a year of nofap, where do we go? No one wants to have an AP that is for real about this. People here see me as a freak because I have such a long "streak." This is my final streak, though. There is a general consensus here that masturbation is cool, as long as you don't look at porn. I don't want to be a semi-jerk off. I'm all in. So here is my challenge: No Nofap for 30 days. I will report back at the end of 30 days. I foresee a positive outcome. I feel like a restless star about to burn out and shoot across the atmosphere. I will log off on the 12th and report back in 30 days. I just wanna send a final shot-out to all those that supported me. Thank you.

 

When I sent a final shot-out to those who support me, I was thinking about you. You've been my biggest fan. Thank you.

 

I never said I rebooted.

 

I don't really feel "impressed." I'm still sitting at home on Saturday nights, drinking, and making rude comments on Nofap. I do feel fortunate, though. I am still very much a "work in progress." I guess you could say I'm rebooted in the physical sense. But that is only a result of understanding my own demons of which I created. I came here desperate to get my penis to work again. Only to find out that my penis wasn't the problem. It was much deeper than that. I found out that I had created this hell. It was a matter of self-realization. That's what I mean by not being "rebooted." It is an ongoing process of self-realization. Or as the mystics say, "waking up." I am a hard sleeper. And I'm having a hard time waking up. Good luck on your own journey.

 

Yes, I have been bitter, lately. I've been frustrated here lately. I'm projecting my dissatisfaction with myself. I've become stale in my recovery. I don't think about PMO. But my tolerance of others sucks. I feel alone. I will try to be more respectful. When I drink, part of me wants to act out. I'm hoping to get kicked off of here. But I think leaving gracefully may be a better option. Maybe it can be an opportunity to help someone else having issues with their recovery. I've been scared to leave here. Now I'm scared of staying. Feel free to call me out in the future. I know I can be an asshole.

 

I think when a person considers themselves "rebooted," they miss the point. Sure. My penis is working again. But that is a result of me not worrying about whether or not it would work again. My fear of it not working is what the problem was. It is this irrational fear that I am always on the look out for. Not just in my sex life, but in general. It's about breaking through illusions for me. Giving up masturbation was a very scary proposition for me. I wanted to justify why I needed it and so forth. I quit fighting it. I surrendered to this path. In doing so, I have come to realize my fear wasn't real. So I am practicing this in other aspects of my life, now. So I am still unlearning, or "rebooting." Hope that helped. And sorry for being such an assbag lately.

 

My drinking is doing for me what masturbation was. It is providing some temporary relief. But it is also numbing growth pains that I should be embracing right now. I met this beautiful woman recently. And it has been a real test of strength. I can get lost in a woman as easily as a bottle or PMO. She shows a high level of attraction. But she doesn't reach out to me. I'm playing the waiting game, now. I'm not used to dealing with quality women. Or any, actually. lol So I've been using alcohol to ease the tension. And yes...alcohol has caused me problems in the past. I can drink socially. But if I'm going through some crisis, I can lose control. Giving up masturbation has helped me to see how I can develop habits to escape reality. Definitely something to take a harder look at.

 

I love to write, but a journal just didn't do it for me. Accountabil

I do not keep a journal. I did in the beginning, but found it to not be beneficial for me personally. I was more into accountability.