30 Day Clean

I've reached the 30 day mark. It has been years since I have been 30 days clean. I want to share a few things that I hope will help others.

My Story

I was exposed to P as a child at about 11. It was readily available in the home I grew up in and its use was barely discouraged. By 15, I had already started my own collection of books and began my PMO habit. Then by 19, I had a computer and internet so it got worse from there.

Because P was not discouraged, it really didn't occur to me until by 30's that it was a problem in my life although I knew it was not right deep down inside and because God convicted me of it.

My Desire to Quit

In my early 30's I realized I needed to quit and after trying, I then realized I was addicted. I did manage to quit for 15 months but there was really no recovery. I spent all my energy just fighting PM. I would think about it all the time, I would notice women in public, and it was a big internal battle. I made a innocent internet search one day and run across nudity. I clicked off but didn't get the image off my mind. I ended up relapsing a few days later and spent the next several years in the worst PMO habit of my life.

My Firm Decision to Quit

Fast forward to 31 days ago, I had one of the worst days of my life. I was on a hours long PMO binge. I felt so horrible. I was physically and mentally exhausted. I took a good look at my life as realized where I was. I was sacrificing my goals and my life for something I was watching on a computer screen.

The business I own had seen sales decline 70% over year over year, I was going no where is my derivatives trading, and I was not on track for any of my goals. I had spent 25+ years of my life with a PMO addiction.

I made a firm decision to quit that night to quit. I woke my wife up just after midnight and told her I was quitting. I told her I was going to join this forum. She has been very supportive of me.

Here is What Really Helped Me

I sit down and wrote out on paper exactly what I want out of life and how I want to live. I have focused on those things. When I failed years back, most of what I thought about was P. I don't think about that now except for a brief moment and then I get my mind back on my goals.

In the beginning weeks when things were tough, I spent a lot of time on here reading and interacting with others. The more I read here, the less I wanted P.

I also made frequent use of the "Panic Button". Each time, I was met with good information to keep me on track.

Twice in my journey, I have run into nudity online. This time was completely different then when I wanted to quit years back. With the goals I have for my life, PM has no place. I was able to objectively see what was on the screen and move on. In summary, it took me knowing what I wanted out of life and making a firm decision to move in that direction and leave PM behind.

The Benefits

After 30 days, I have more energy than I knew was possible to have at my age. It is only now that I realize the physical toll PM was taking on me. Our business is bouncing back. My marriage and our relationship together has never been better. I am confidently moving towards my goals. Btw, my wife has always had a dream of having a beach home. We are working on that now.

I thank all who took time to read this and I hope it helped you in some way. I look forward to the day I can look down and see 500+ on my posts. My intention is to be a lifetime member of this community. I am thankful for the freedom I have and want to help others have that freedom too.

I thank God and all the members of this community! For the first time in my adult life I am free of this!