30 Day Lite Mode Challenge

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24/30. Five or six hours the other day were pretty tough. Thought I could indulge in some fantasy. Like you guys said, you check some woman out a little too much, and then linger in a dreamy fantasy about what might be, and before ya know it you're tumbling around falling out of orbit. We'll do this.
 
25/30. Gaaack!! @Deth, one things fer shur, you're honest. That's not nothing.

I was on-site at work today so less temptation there. Spent some time talking with a female colleague. She has serious curves that, most of the time, she keeps draped, but today it was a tight stretchy sweater and skinny jeans. We have a good rapport that I can't afford to destroy, so it was laser-focus on her face or else looking away.

Despite some breakthrough moments, I'm still ambivalent. Not gonna lie, I still like my porn. I think because I'm not all in, all the way down, that it continues to be a struggle. After doing my 90, I'm still hoping to find some "porn responsibly" accommodation, instead of doing this:

iu
 
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EdricKr said:
25/30.
I was on-site at work today so less temptation there. Spent some time talking with a female colleague. She has serious curves that, most of the time, she keeps draped, but today it was a tight stretchy sweater and skinny jeans. We have a good rapport that I can't afford to destroy, so it was laser-focus on her face or else looking away.
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Good on you! It's hard not to look sometimes.

Something I've had on my mind lately. There's this girl I've been talking to online for some time now. There's always sexual tension between us, and I have the feeling something is going to happen between us sooner or later. I find myself fantasizing about her often, and logically I struggle to see this as wrong, considering the nature of my relationship with her. Also, I'm obviously okay with sex, but sexting has always fallen into this really weird gray area for me. Does that count as PMO, or is that an exception? And if it is an exception, it's hard to see PMO with the person I'm sexting as okay while PMO while fantasizing about this person is not. Does anyone have similar thoughts?
 
26/30

Deth said:
but sexting has always fallen into this really weird gray area for me. Does that count as PMO, or is that an exception?
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I was reading a contentious debate about this in another thread the other day. I strongly disagreed with one of the posters, a member whose been around NoFap for a long time.

Since you "have the feeling something is going to happen sooner or later" I assume you know the girl in real life; you see her face to face sometimes. My analysis is that sexting is the same as talking to her in real life (I'm trying to rule sexting with cam girls or other professionals). So,

* It's not porn (the fact that a screen is involved doesn't matter) because it's with a person you met in "real life".
* It's not masturbation (unless your hand is down there)
* It's not an orgasm (unless you can come without touching yourself, just from the sexy chat, in which case, congratulations!)

So not, in itself, PMO. Let's talk about fantasy.

I think fantasy is OK even if one has vowed "No PMO". Like above, fantasy is not P, not M, and not O. If your vow is "No PFMO", that would be different. By OK I mean that fantasy is not a "reset" or "relapse".

The real question (and the grey area) is, "Is fantasy a good idea when one is committed to "No PMO". Arguably not. Like the old joke: "If you can't stand the heat, don't play with the thermostat.". Sexting is like fantasy, or like getting naked with her in the same room. If your goal is "No orgasm", such behavior is not helping.

I suggest you change your counter to just "No Porn", or maybe "No Porn no Masturbation". It sounds like you want the freedom to have sex with this girl. Do you really want to promise "No O"?

If you change your commitment to align with your true feelings and intentions, you will have a lot more success with NoFap.

Hope this helps
 
Deth said:
Does that count as PMO, or is that an exception? And if it is an exception, it's hard to see PMO with the person I'm sexting as okay while PMO while fantasizing about this person is not.
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Arragh. I wrote my first reply at 2AM. Then I went back to sleep for another six hours.

Now, when I read this, it sounds like the question is different than I thought. My opinions:

(1) Does having real-life sex with this person violate the PMO promise? If you have an orgasm, yes it does. But if your promise is "No P" or "No PM", than it's completely OK.

(2) Does MO while sexting with this person (or viewing pictures/videos she might share) violate "NO PMO". Yes. But it's totally OK if your promise is "No P". Pictures/videos sent to you by a person you are relating with in real life are not porn... for you.

I hope this helps.
 
EdricKr said:
Arragh. I wrote my first reply at 2AM. Then I went back to sleep for another six hours.

Now, when I read this, it sounds like the question is different than I thought. My opinions:

(1) Does having real-life sex with this person violate the PMO promise? If you have an orgasm, yes it does. But if your promise is "No P" or "No PM", than it's completely OK.

(2) Does MO while sexting with this person (or viewing pictures/videos she might share) violate "NO PMO". Yes. But it's totally OK if your promise is "No P". Pictures/videos sent to you by a person you are relating with in real life are not porn... for you.

I hope this helps.
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Thank you! My only problem with O is due when it's excessive, or when it's paired with PM, so for me, sex is great.
I guess my only question is whether nudes count as P. And now my answer is no. Thank you!
 
Deth said:
I guess my only question is whether nudes count as P. And now my answer is no. Thank you!
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Hey Deth. As long as the nudes from your GF, I don't consider them porn just to look at. But if you MO to them, strictly speaking that's a PMO reset (but I would kinda let it slide, actually. so yeah, I think you're OK, unless it becomes excessive).

If you hit a search engine and look at nude pictures of a bunch of girls you've never met in real life, that's porn [1], and a PMO reset.

It sounds like you're clear about what works for you (sexting, pics and sex with your GF) and what doesn't (excessive O or PM). That's what's really important.

Just for good form, it sounds like you want to change your counter to "No Porn, Masturbation". That's really the promise you're making.

Just one fapper's opinion. What do you other guys think?

[1] Some people call that "erotica" and the hard-core stuff "porn". Even the United States Supreme Court couldn't define porn. (One justice famously said "I know it when I see it")
 
Got completely fed up last night. Total abstinence is not working for me. I don't want to do it any more. I'm going to do something different. I am rescinding all commitments and rethinking everything from first principles.

So I'm outta here. A couple of days early, alas! @Deth, I'm really excited about you getting together with your girlfriend. I'm sure that's going to be great. Mojo seems to be humming along without any drama. Thank you Phil/Dad for setting up this "Only no Porn" challenge. Even though officially NoFap is about porn recovery and supporting people in establishing a healthy relationship with porn (which may be no relationship at all), sometimes the site seems to be about "No PMO" and nothing else.

I will be still working my journal. I think what I'm planning fits in with the NoFap guidelines, which give more room to reboot journals than elsewhere on the site. I'll probably stop posting advice, though. I don't hold the orthodox view, and I don't want to get tagged for undermining other people's reboots.
 
0/30

I'm not perfect and nobody is. I caved in yesterday. Was alone and bored. Sexual thoughts were all over my mind and got the best of me. ::Sigh::

Oh well! my mom's coming over next week and she'll probably stay over for 4 weeks. And thus, I should be able to get to 30 days a lot easier this time.

I think if we keep emphasizing on not watching porn, brain always does the opposite. The emphasis should be on changing & improving life style and to be the better version of yourself
 
I have decided that I am only going to check in once a week, as I am very busy these days. It's been almost a week for me and I already feel better.
 
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