30 days - Build the new, don't fight the old.

So, I finished 30 days. Yay! I did this also a year or two ago, but I then I went back to Porn again. Such a waste. Anyways, there is no time like the present. I will keep going.

The reason why I started NoFap in the first place was that I had some problems performing with my girlfriend and also dealing with severe anxiety and irrational fears.

I am not doing NoFap for better sex, I am doing it for a better life overall. The sex being better is just a part of it. I want to take my original life back and meet my goals and dreams. Here are some of the benefits I've seen these past 30 days:

Benefits:

1. More relaxed
2. More confidence - Feels easier and natural to initiate conversation.
3. Less anxiety and fears
4. Clearer and brighter skin. I would have a lot of problems with really dry skin, especially in the winter. This has gotten much better.
5. Clearer eyes.
6. Better sleep - Tiredness as a result from anxiety and fapping has been a big problem for me the past few years. And being tired is also a trigger for me, so it's a never ending circle. Now that I feel more calmed and less anxious I fall asleep faster and sleep better.
7. Deeper voice - I've gotten compliments from ladies about this.
8. Better facial hair.
9. More attention from women (and men), people notice me more in general.
10. More positive attitude - Doing PMO for years turned me into a grumpy, negative person. I would always focus on the negative. Now I am very hopeful, despite all that's going on in the world. I joke around more.
11. Overall happier.
12. Stronger erections.
13. Better sex.


I'm not going to sugarcoat it, it hasn't been easy. I had a struggle getting past the first week for a long time. I also struggled with edging for parts of my journey, but not anymore.
DO NOT EDGE. This will slow down your recovery and you will eventually relapse. Don't justify it. Just don't do it.
I still have some trouble sleeping and anxiety when going to bed, this is due to the fact that I always used to MO before going to sleep in the past. It is getting better though.

This is just the start of a journey, but I am on the right track. I have been stuck in PMO for over 10+ years, so I need more time to heal.

Here's my advice that I have learned so far. Most of them apply to my signature quote:

"The secret of change is to focus all your energy, not on fighting the old,
but on building the new."

I tried many times to remove PMO from my life. That does not work. UNLESS, you replace it with new healthy habits. You need to change your lifestyle, not just remove PMO.

People (including myself) using PMO have a hard time with discipline. We do whatever we feel like and what feels good. You need to create a routine for yourself of things that you do every day, no matter what. This is important for recovery, especially the first few weeks. I recommend that you START SMALL. It's easy to try to quit everything and start all these new habits at once. That WILL NOT WORK. Add more things, little by little.
I started with these: Drink a glass of water every morning. I did that for a week. Then I added making my bed every morning. Did that for week. Since then I have been adding little things once the other new habits are solidified. The important thing is STICK WITH YOUR NEW ROUTINE. Even when you relapse, stick to your new habits.

Here are some things you can do that have helped me:

1. Cold Showers. I do this first thing every morning now. This is very refreshing and has many health benefits.
2. Workout.
3. Meditate (Pray, contemplate). This is good for stimulating the parts of your brain that focuses on decision making. If you are a PMO addict, this part will be very weak. Personally, I use this time to focus on God.
4. Journal. I try to journal every day, I do a journal on this forum, and its very helpful. Putting your thoughts to words make you reflect on them more, and also you can use it as a reference for later. See how your urges changes, etc.
5. Get an Accountability Partner. Check in with them every day. Call or text. This has been extremely helpful for me. Its good to talk to someone who knows what you are going through and can support you. YOU CANNOT DO THIS ALONE.
6. Chores (routine is good, have set laundry days, make dinner schedules, etc).
7. Socialize (Difficult now, but call your friends and family) Set aside times to play board games and chat with your family/friends that you live with. Human connection is what we really crave when we're seeking out PMO.
8. Stop or cut back on drinking, smoking weed, etc. I found myself being especially tempted to PMO when drunk. Don't do stuff that clouds your judgement. I will have a couple of beers still, but I won't get drunk.
9. Create tangible goals. What do you want your life to be? What career do you want? What can you do to get there. Write them down and work on them. Track your progress.
10. Remove Triggers. If you notice urges, ask yourself what is triggering you. If it is social media, maybe you should put away your phone. I quit Facebook and it has been very helpful. For your first week or two, I recommend staying of the internet completely. Your judgement is going be very poor and browsing the internet can be a trigger. Once you have identified a trigger, it is easier to let your urges pass. Don't fight them, just recognize them and let them pass.
11. Don't focus on getting a girlfriend, getting laid, etc. You will relapse if you do. Focus on being the person you want to be, your goals, career, hobbies. People will be naturally attracted to you if you do. Don't let your happiness depend on people or things around you. Let that happiness come from inside you.
12. Deep breathing exercises. I recommend Wim Hof's breathing method.
This helps your blood circulation and overall feeling of well-being.

These are my observations so far. Feel free to message me if you want to connect.

I am very grateful to this forum and my accountability partner for getting this far.

Onward to 90 days!

 

Glad that this was helpful. We're all on this journey together. I believe it's a journey to discover ourselves and what we really want to do with our lives. PMO has kept us from reaching our full potential.

 

Thank you, God Man. Glad you found it helpful.

 

Thanks, friend. The journey is just starting, but what an adventure so far.

 

I struggled with this and it almost caused me to relapse a few times. It's not safe to play with fire.

 

Funny you mentioned that, I just had a similar experience yesterday. Seeing a girl I know online triggered me, so I am putting my phone away for the rest of the day. In the past, I quit Facebook and Instagram because of triggers like this. Glad my post was helpful.

 

Great question. Yes, the sex itself feels better, more intimate, I'm more present, and I feel more sensitive down there.
But I would say if I have sex and orgasm + ejaculate, I don't feel to great afterwards, because my brain associates Orgasm and ejaculation with porn, so I get some withdrawal symptoms, I feel less confident and more anxious. In the past, having sex has also brought me to relapse, due to the Coolidge Effect. So I have decided to try semen retention. I believe the semen itself is part of giving you more energy and confidence. It's difficult to have sex and don't ejaculate, it takes more control, but I was able to do so this morning.