30 days - Build the new, don't fight the old.

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by Raven King, Mar 27, 2020.

  1. Raven King

    Raven King Fapstronaut

    So, I finished 30 days. Yay! I did this also a year or two ago, but I then I went back to Porn again. Such a waste. Anyways, there is no time like the present. I will keep going.

    The reason why I started NoFap in the first place was that I had some problems performing with my girlfriend and also dealing with severe anxiety and irrational fears.

    I am not doing NoFap for better sex, I am doing it for a better life overall. The sex being better is just a part of it. I want to take my original life back and meet my goals and dreams. Here are some of the benefits I've seen these past 30 days:

    Benefits:

    1. More relaxed
    2. More confidence - Feels easier and natural to initiate conversation.
    3. Less anxiety and fears
    4. Clearer and brighter skin. I would have a lot of problems with really dry skin, especially in the winter. This has gotten much better.
    5. Clearer eyes.
    6. Better sleep - Tiredness as a result from anxiety and fapping has been a big problem for me the past few years. And being tired is also a trigger for me, so it's a never ending circle. Now that I feel more calmed and less anxious I fall asleep faster and sleep better.
    7. Deeper voice - I've gotten compliments from ladies about this.
    8. Better facial hair.
    9. More attention from women (and men), people notice me more in general.
    10. More positive attitude - Doing PMO for years turned me into a grumpy, negative person. I would always focus on the negative. Now I am very hopeful, despite all that's going on in the world. I joke around more.
    11. Overall happier.
    12. Stronger erections.
    13. Better sex.


    I'm not going to sugarcoat it, it hasn't been easy. I had a struggle getting past the first week for a long time. I also struggled with edging for parts of my journey, but not anymore.
    DO NOT EDGE. This will slow down your recovery and you will eventually relapse. Don't justify it. Just don't do it.
    I still have some trouble sleeping and anxiety when going to bed, this is due to the fact that I always used to MO before going to sleep in the past. It is getting better though.

    This is just the start of a journey, but I am on the right track. I have been stuck in PMO for over 10+ years, so I need more time to heal.

    Here's my advice that I have learned so far. Most of them apply to my signature quote:

    "The secret of change is to focus all your energy, not on fighting the old,
    but on building the new."

    I tried many times to remove PMO from my life. That does not work. UNLESS, you replace it with new healthy habits. You need to change your lifestyle, not just remove PMO.

    People (including myself) using PMO have a hard time with discipline. We do whatever we feel like and what feels good. You need to create a routine for yourself of things that you do every day, no matter what. This is important for recovery, especially the first few weeks. I recommend that you START SMALL. It's easy to try to quit everything and start all these new habits at once. That WILL NOT WORK. Add more things, little by little.
    I started with these: Drink a glass of water every morning. I did that for a week. Then I added making my bed every morning. Did that for week. Since then I have been adding little things once the other new habits are solidified. The important thing is STICK WITH YOUR NEW ROUTINE. Even when you relapse, stick to your new habits.

    Here are some things you can do that have helped me:

    1. Cold Showers. I do this first thing every morning now. This is very refreshing and has many health benefits.
    2. Workout.
    3. Meditate (Pray, contemplate). This is good for stimulating the parts of your brain that focuses on decision making. If you are a PMO addict, this part will be very weak. Personally, I use this time to focus on God.
    4. Journal. I try to journal every day, I do a journal on this forum, and its very helpful. Putting your thoughts to words make you reflect on them more, and also you can use it as a reference for later. See how your urges changes, etc.
    5. Get an Accountability Partner. Check in with them every day. Call or text. This has been extremely helpful for me. Its good to talk to someone who knows what you are going through and can support you. YOU CANNOT DO THIS ALONE.
    6. Chores (routine is good, have set laundry days, make dinner schedules, etc).
    7. Socialize (Difficult now, but call your friends and family) Set aside times to play board games and chat with your family/friends that you live with. Human connection is what we really crave when we're seeking out PMO.
    8. Stop or cut back on drinking, smoking weed, etc. I found myself being especially tempted to PMO when drunk. Don't do stuff that clouds your judgement. I will have a couple of beers still, but I won't get drunk.
    9. Create tangible goals. What do you want your life to be? What career do you want? What can you do to get there. Write them down and work on them. Track your progress.
    10. Remove Triggers. If you notice urges, ask yourself what is triggering you. If it is social media, maybe you should put away your phone. I quit Facebook and it has been very helpful. For your first week or two, I recommend staying of the internet completely. Your judgement is going be very poor and browsing the internet can be a trigger. Once you have identified a trigger, it is easier to let your urges pass. Don't fight them, just recognize them and let them pass.
    11. Don't focus on getting a girlfriend, getting laid, etc. You will relapse if you do. Focus on being the person you want to be, your goals, career, hobbies. People will be naturally attracted to you if you do. Don't let your happiness depend on people or things around you. Let that happiness come from inside you.
    12. Deep breathing exercises. I recommend Wim Hof's breathing method.
    This helps your blood circulation and overall feeling of well-being.

    These are my observations so far. Feel free to message me if you want to connect.

    I am very grateful to this forum and my accountability partner for getting this far.

    Onward to 90 days!
     
    BismaBRJ, Srisurya, Masterit and 19 others like this.
  2. Patillitas

    Patillitas Fapstronaut

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    11. Don't focus on getting a girlfriend, getting laid, etc. You will relapse if you do. Focus on being the person you want to be, your goals, career, hobbies. People will be naturally attracted to you if you do. Don't let your happiness depend on people or things around you. Let that happiness come from inside you.

    That's a good reflection. There can be the point to beat this addiction. Thanks for share your thoughts!
     
  3. Raven King

    Raven King Fapstronaut

    Glad that this was helpful. We're all on this journey together. I believe it's a journey to discover ourselves and what we really want to do with our lives. PMO has kept us from reaching our full potential.
     
    Scorcher2000 and Zeeshaan like this.
  4. PowerfulSRE

    PowerfulSRE Distinguished Fapstronaut

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    Awesome post, great insights and tips. Thank you for sharing mate! It is very inspiring!
     
    BismaBRJ, Raven King and Zeeshaan like this.
  5. ayanaambe115

    ayanaambe115 Fapstronaut

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    Congratulations ! keep it up !
     
    BismaBRJ, Raven King and Zeeshaan like this.
  6. Zeeshaan

    Zeeshaan Fapstronaut

    Do no edge
    ... Amazing truth. I lost streak duo to rubbing my genitals on a pillow thinking nothing would happen then paid the price.
    Muladhara chakra.... That is once the liquid is stored or taken upward all the best things in life happen.
    Been there.
    My problem war not able to retain my streak.
     
    Raven King and Scorcher2000 like this.
  7. Zeeshaan

    Zeeshaan Fapstronaut

     
  8. Raven King

    Raven King Fapstronaut

    Thank you, God Man. Glad you found it helpful.
     
    BismaBRJ and PowerfulSRE like this.
  9. Raven King

    Raven King Fapstronaut

    Thanks, friend. The journey is just starting, but what an adventure so far.
     
    BismaBRJ likes this.
  10. Raven King

    Raven King Fapstronaut

    I struggled with this and it almost caused me to relapse a few times. It's not safe to play with fire.
     
    BismaBRJ likes this.
  11. Donijuan

    Donijuan Fapstronaut

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    These are the things that i will keep in mind from your thread, really love the quote and your motivation for better life overall, thanks for sharing this. i've been struggling with trigger, i clean from porn site for 3 months now and seeing hot girl in instagram switch my trigger. Thankyou!
     
    Raven King likes this.
  12. Raven King

    Raven King Fapstronaut

    Funny you mentioned that, I just had a similar experience yesterday. Seeing a girl I know online triggered me, so I am putting my phone away for the rest of the day. In the past, I quit Facebook and Instagram because of triggers like this. Glad my post was helpful.
     
    BismaBRJ likes this.
  13. Baller123

    Baller123 Fapstronaut

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    I was just curious, after noFap, you said the sex is better. But after sex do you feel deprived like you do with PMO?
     
  14. Raven King

    Raven King Fapstronaut

    Great question. Yes, the sex itself feels better, more intimate, I'm more present, and I feel more sensitive down there.
    But I would say if I have sex and orgasm + ejaculate, I don't feel to great afterwards, because my brain associates Orgasm and ejaculation with porn, so I get some withdrawal symptoms, I feel less confident and more anxious. In the past, having sex has also brought me to relapse, due to the Coolidge Effect. So I have decided to try semen retention. I believe the semen itself is part of giving you more energy and confidence. It's difficult to have sex and don't ejaculate, it takes more control, but I was able to do so this morning.
     
    BismaBRJ likes this.
  15. NVG94

    NVG94 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for sharing these .. I have tried to stop PMO for such a long time. I know its the solution to all the problems I have now. But its not easy, not easy to go one week without PMO. My environment and situation (living single in a flat with plenty of opportunities to do whatever my mind wants me to do) triggers me left right center;.But thats where I wanna be - because i want freedom so I want to be able to live alone and be disciplined - This forum is the place i find most helpful. So thanks!

    I am on the 10th day now > and looking forward to celebrate the 30th day soon. :)
     
    Raven King likes this.
  16. ForwardEver

    ForwardEver Fapstronaut

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    Con.Gra.Tu.La.Tion!!!!!
     
  17. Have you thought about picking up a hobby?
     
    BismaBRJ likes this.

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