30+ Days II: The Depressing Sequel

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by Freefaller, Dec 1, 2018.

  1. Freefaller

    Freefaller Fapstronaut

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    Good Morning All-

    This is my second time hitting 30+ days and while I feel great about not fapping, I am also super depressed. Hoping to share my story in hopes of finding some fapstronauts who also have run into a similar funk or scenario.

    During the summer, I was seeing this woman. She was amazing and completely understood me and I her. We clicked and it was amazing. Unfortunately, she had some major baggage and told me she did not feel like she should be in a relationship. I told her that I wanted to be with her every step of the way and would do whatever I could to make her feel comfortable. I was in the midst of a streak at the time so I truly believe I meant this and it wasn't my flesh talking in hopes of having physical contact, if you know what I mean.

    She agreed to give it a shot but a week before my birthday, she decided to permanently end things. She gave me the George Costanza, "it's not you, it's me," and I actually believed it. However, my flesh did not and I went on a MAJOR binge of PMO. At least 4 or 5 times everyday. "Porn won't hurt me or decide it doesn't want to see me." Instead of dealing with a break-up in a healthy way, I masked it with non stop PMO-ing.

    After one day of edging but accidentally blowing my load and making a huge mess all over my bed, I decided it was time to crawl out of my funk. I started becoming disciplined again with my phone time and made sure Covenant Eyes VPN was on my phone at all times. I also made sure that after 9:00 pm, my phone was off limits and texting could only be done on my Macbook via iMessage. I find it a lot easier to circumvent Covenant Eyes on my phone than my computer.

    When I did my first 30+ streak, I was on cloud nine. I had a ton of energy, I was dancing and making out with chicks on dance floors but this time around it is almost the opposite. I am super depressed and I can't shake it! Usually when I feel depressed, I crank one out so because I am not doing that, my mind is trying to trick me into being more depressed so I fap? Who knows, but it's annoying. I can't wait to break out of this funk.

    Another big reason for my funk could be the feelings I have for a woman I have no business having feelings for. The two of us, for many years, have had great chemistry and our back and forth banter is perfect. There is only one issue, she is super married. People joke around and say I am her work husband so that kind of gives you an idea of the situation. We are never inappropriate or would I ever do anything but it truly bums me out that someone that awesome, goes home to someone else. What if I can't find a woman like that in the real world? The woman I mentioned in the beginning was like this but she broke up with me. What if those were the only two woman who will ever get me but one is married and one has her own issues to deal with.

    Usually when my brain runs away with thoughts like the above, I turn to fapping to mask them in a sea of dopamine. I don't want to do that anymore. If I have to be depressed for the rest of my life because of my relationship status, then so be it. At least that is real. At least it is an emotion. At least I can feel it. Unlike a bunch of pixels and fake moans.

    Anywho, are there any Fapstronauts out there that have had feelings for someone you kind of have to see (work, school, etc.) How did you get over them? Did it factor into your desire to PMO? What about breakups? What did you do to not slip into old copping habits?
     
  2. thekingfisher

    thekingfisher Fapstronaut

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    Interesting story. Dealing with breakups and not being able to be with the person you wanna be with is hard. I struggled with that a lot when I was younger, and the phrases people come up with such as 'there's plenty more fish....' isn't really what you want to hear. I can't comment on how to deal with it while abstaining from PMO as I wasn't trying that back than. However, I think the key is in accepting the facts and trying to let go. It's common that somewhere you still believe that there is a way you could still be together.Aaccept that there isn't. It's the fastest way to get over someone. When you meet new women don't measure there attractiveness by comparing them to the others, keep up an open mind and give them a fair chance.

    By the way, I think you can be proud of yourself for not relapsing, it's quite common to do it in the situation you're, but you've made good choices.
     
  3. Freefaller

    Freefaller Fapstronaut

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    This is a great point! Not only do I need to avoid comparing them to women I've dated in the past but to also the P-Stars I have fapped too. Like a parasite those ideas latch onto my brain
     
    thekingfisher likes this.
  4. Asgardian36

    Asgardian36 Fapstronaut

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    oh man!!! I'm sorry to find you in this sitution,but, I think that is the right resolve.....anything than PMO, man!
     
  5. I went thru horrible break up. Started the fapping to pictures for one week cca, after almost one year off. I thought maybe if I think about other woman, it will help. No. It just worsens my depression. Than i decided to go into this hardmode streak.

    Porn is self punishment.

    Dont punish yourself. Love yourself.
     
    Buddhabro likes this.
  6. Freefaller

    Freefaller Fapstronaut

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    So true about Porn being self-punishment. It's crazy that we know, yet we still do it.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  7. Its the same as any other addiction. I knew smoking is bad for me, everyone knows it, yet ppl cant stop and smoke. Heroin addicts know its killing them, yet they still do it.
    Its good to realize porn is another addiction, and that it makes you do things which are really bad for your mental and physical health.
    Problem is, that contrary to smoking, not many ppl even realize porn is a harmful addiction.
    It has no sticker on it, we are told masturbation is healthy, porn stars are idols of many and socially accepted etc.
    Thus, its basically the most dangerous and evil thing in the realm of drugs.
    Because ppl dont realize that its a drug, its addictive, and its harmful.

    It reminds me a sentence I will try to paraphrase

    "The biggest trick satan ever pulled off was, that he made ppl think he doesnt exist."

    I see a corelation here..
     
  8. Freefaller

    Freefaller Fapstronaut

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    I often don't talk about my no fapping to other people not because I am embarrassed but because I know they won't think it's a big deal.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  9. Girls dont understand that at all and think nofap its bad... Ive tryed that.
    Male... dunno. I have no friends to talk to about such topic.

    I think nofap came to my life for a reason. I was just destroyed by porn and had no idea about it.

    Than somehow I found this page. Crazy. I said to myself. I will try 7 days... and that appeared insane to me. But I did that, than I felt some changes inside me, like Im going to break thru something, it was scary.
    Ive made a account and shared my feelings. Rest is a history :) I think its more than one year already...
     

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