30 days NoFap, hard mode, ghost mode

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Day 33, NoFap, no PMO, 57 days to go.

Today, was my day off, I went to the gym, had my usual cold shower, no withdrawal symptoms at all, no urges, no mood swings, I had my duolingo, session, kept my room tidy, memorised a bit of the quran, prayed, I also recieved a book that I ordered recently, it's called Make time, I will read it once I finish Atomic habits, both books are from self improvements categories, unlike some books within the same category, these books are based on scientific resources, not myths or motivation, tips, experimentations, research, true stories and more, both are best sellers. Atomic habits helped me a lot and I suggest it to everyone reading this post.

Unfortunately, I wasn't able to study today, I was a little bit busy with some tasks I had, but I will have a light session after finishing this post, just to not break the streak, I will do a simple task from my to do list, one step a day in a 1000 steps journey even when you can't walk, is something, you will arrive in maximum 1000 days, if you walk one step a day, but if today you don't walk at all, it will only be delayed. I am not late even by having light sessions, thanks to the schedule that I am following.

Unlike the first month, where I did not watch any movies at all, during the second month, I am experimenting a new idea, to watch a movie, or to use social media, or to have any kind of entertainment, I am setting a system that has 2 conditions, first, if it's a movie, I check the nudity label on imdb parents guide, and I only watch when there is no nudity, sex, or even half naked people, men or women, there are actually a lot of movies, like The 33, the perfect storm.., till now I only watched these two, I skip the kisses when they are about to happen, even if I have to skip some parts of the movie, the second rule, is that I make it a rule that I only get to watch this entertainment when I finish all my to do list, till now, I found that I am more motivated to finish my tasks as fast as possible so I do that, I also have some clear rules about my tasks, and quality measurements to avoid doing the tasks just for the sake of finishing all what I need to do to watch but I do them in a good quality level, I will see the results of this new experiment, and continue reading Atomic habits and make time to find a balance, so I can boost my productivity while avoiding burnout.


Until now, I am really happy with the mindset shifting that I had in just 33 days, and with journaling everyday, I can clearly and honestly express my thoughts to myself and the people around me, I have clearer conversations, clearer goals, I see my obstacles clearer now... I even feel comfortable when not feeling comfortable, for example, at the gym, when I am not feeling like working out, I have an imaginary conversation where I explain to myself why I am doing this, and suddenly I feel like working out, I don't know if my innerself is trully convinced with what I do or just to get my to do list done with, Idk? Either ways, as long as it's working I don't really care, what matters most is to get my daily tasks done wether I feel like it or I don't.

I am not feeling the need to watch P material at all, I am not thinking about it at all, and you can notice this if you have read my previous posts, during the day I don't fantasize at all, even nowadays, I tried to fantasize but my brain shifts its thinking to another thing without me recognizing it. It's like, I was unconsciously thinking about P material, and I have to be conscious to not think about it, now it's the opposit, I really have to use my memory to remmember something wild and focus for a long enough to start having that feeling, it became hard to fantasize actually, it takes a lot of energy and focus.

I also used to be distracted during the conversation, if someone is talking to me, suddenly, I am day dreaming and unconsciously waving my head to show him that I am following, but now I am more present during my conversations, even with strangers, which I was finding it difficult to talk to them, I sometimes think about the sentence then totally forget what I was about to say just by meeting the person, but now I don't even prepare any sentences, I just be on my nature and everything works just fine, Idk if this is the results of NoFap alone or all the other habits, but as I said previously, as long as it works, I don't really care.


That's it from my side guys, see you tomorrow
 
Day 34, NoFap, no PMO, 56 days to go.

No withdrawal symptoms at all, stable mood, no urges, I believe that starting from the second month, this will be always stable, with a room for days where it can feel differently, but it's all part of the process.

Today, I was supposed to work at 8am, my alarm was at 7:50am (I work remotely) and I skip breakfast, as part of my partial fasting, but somehow I turned the alarm off and head back to sleep, I was so tired and have no mood for work, I know that I have to work despite my feelings, but the hardest part is to take a decision while being half asleep, so I slept until 9:30am, fortunately, I could find a solution quickly with my supervisor in this regard.

Talking about my daily habits, I prayed all my prayers on time except Fajr, which, I am still working on, waking up before sunrise as well, my goal is to do this by maximum April, I am planning to have a full control of my sleep for at least a month by April, I had my duolingo session, I studied, had a nice cardio, where I ran 3.5km in 20mins, even though that I am feeling pain in my left shoulder, I think I have an injury from the intense workout during the past few days, but I won't stop, if necessary I will have light sessions for the newt few days to recover, but I will not stop, I also had my col shower, ate healthy all day long, now I will have my Quran memorisation session, read a chapter from Atomic habits, read surat al Mulk and watch a movie.

I added watching a movie at the end, even though it's not a productive habit, but it always give me motivation to do all my tasks and keep the movie at the end, as I said yesterday, I use it like a small "reward", and with that I always look up for the movie and do all my to do list.

Now, the habits mentioned earlier, I do them effortlessly, I am not saying that they are easy, but I just do them, my plan is to continue this way for a few days so the can stick for good, then focus on a new set of habits and so on, and that is one of James Clear's strategies, called : Habits stacking.


That's it from my side guys, see you tomorrow.
 
Youre schedule is almost perfect and the fact that you strictly follow the schedule without really messing around frequently is actually impressive! I almost never follow my schedule and then boom
Alot of time wasted: (
Btw I started cold showers,it's only the first 3 mins that I have a hard time with,after that it's actually quite manageable.not only that, the one advantage that comes with taking cold showers is that since it's very uncomfortable, I don't waste time showering for a long time(cause hot showers are pleasant and satisfying)which is actually a great advantage.
So yeah,thank you for letting me know about cold showers.i do have the great feeling that it will help shape my self-discipline
 
I_nedhelp:/ said:
Youre schedule is almost perfect and the fact that you strictly follow the schedule without really messing around frequently is actually impressive! I almost never follow my schedule and then boom
Alot of time wasted: (
Btw I started cold showers,it's only the first 3 mins that I have a hard time with,after that it's actually quite manageable.not only that, the one advantage that comes with taking cold showers is that since it's very uncomfortable, I don't waste time showering for a long time(cause hot showers are pleasant and satisfying)which is actually a great advantage.
So yeah,thank you for letting me know about cold showers.i do have the great feeling that it will help shape my self-discipline
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I think the reasons behind people almost never following their schedule is one having an unrealistic goals, and struggle acheiving them, second is that these goals are either not enough specified or just doing them because everyone does, what you need to do is that you need to plan who you wanna become, your new identity, dream big, and forget about the time because we can't control it, then think about the skills you need to have to finally be that person, ultimately, what are the must have habits that you need to stick with to have these skills, for example, if your goal is to be anthlete, your skills can be, stamina, strength, theory behind the sport you wanna do, and so on, to have these skills you need to set some habits and stick to them and they must be so clear, for example, do 10 push ups right when you finish your laptop next to your desk, this is a clear and a realistic habit that can help you create a routine. I also advice you to read atomic habits by James Clear, actually this idea is his.

Congratulations for starting cold showers, it's a really impacteful habit and as you said it can help you reduce the time spent in the shower, for me it's been 35 days I didn't touch a hot water, even when washing my hands, I already forgot how does the hot shower feel like, I will have it on my 90th day as a reward. However, you should be careful with cold shower, when you said first 3mins, idk how much you are spending time there or how cold is it where you live, but you should know that cold showers are just for that first few minutes hits to help the blood circulation, I have an average of 3 to 5mins, because in my opinion, anything above 5mins can be risky and may lower your body temperature or worse cause you some damages for extended periods.

Moreover, I am really happy for you and wish you all the best in your journey.
 
Day 35 NoFap, no PMO, 55 days to go.

10 days only for half the journey! No withdrawal symptoms, nor urges, at all.

Just like yesterday, I have already finished praying, memorising quran, studying, working out, cold shower, working, duolingo session, eating healthy, partial fasting (2 meals a day), plenty of water, I drank at least 4 hours today. Slowely but surely, I am working on myself to build that best version, brick by brick. At the gym, I feel attracked by women, but it's not sexual as it used to be, and I can shift my focus easier, I think according to what is happening, my brain is rewiring pretty well.

Physically speaking, since yesterday I am injured in both my left frontal shoulder and my ankle, but I still worked out, lightly, and for some reason I feel no pain in my shoulder and less pain in my ankle, i really don't know why and if working out helped me.

I still feel a little guilt as I know that I can do more, I know that I can study more, workout more, wake up a bit earlier... But at the same time, I don't want to rush the process, I don't wanna burnout, and be back on the same filthy habits that I used to do such as PMO, skipping gym, junk food... for long time success and habit stacking, I have to give time to my current habits to be more like second nature before adding more habits. What I am sure about is that in 2025, I will stick to more habits, for example next habits that I wanna have by April are waking up early, stop oversleeping, pray Fajr on time, keep the current habits, be even more organised, finish Atomic habits and finish or at least start the book Make time that I already bought, have more skills in my studies, because for now I am just doing tasks but I really want to have more skills even if they are not related directly to my university but will contribute significantly in my career, many other habits will follow, 2025 is a true comeback.

That's it from my side, see you tomorrow.
 
restorebrain said:
I think the reasons behind people almost never following their schedule is one having an unrealistic goals, and struggle acheiving them, second is that these goals are either not enough specified or just doing them because everyone does, what you need to do is that you need to plan who you wanna become, your new identity, dream big, and forget about the time because we can't control it, then think about the skills you need to have to finally be that person, ultimately, what are the must have habits that you need to stick with to have these skills, for example, if your goal is to be anthlete, your skills can be, stamina, strength, theory behind the sport you wanna do, and so on, to have these skills you need to set some habits and stick to them and they must be so clear, for example, do 10 push ups right when you finish your laptop next to your desk, this is a clear and a realistic habit that can help you create a routine. I also advice you to read atomic habits by James Clear, actually this idea is his.

Congratulations for starting cold showers, it's a really impacteful habit and as you said it can help you reduce the time spent in the shower, for me it's been 35 days I didn't touch a hot water, even when washing my hands, I already forgot how does the hot shower feel like, I will have it on my 90th day as a reward. However, you should be careful with cold shower, when you said first 3mins, idk how much you are spending time there or how cold is it where you live, but you should know that cold showers are just for that first few minutes hits to help the blood circulation, I have an average of 3 to 5mins, because in my opinion, anything above 5mins can be risky and may lower your body temperature or worse cause you some damages for extended periods.

Moreover, I am really happy for you and wish you all the best in your journey.
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Thanks
 
Day 36 NoFap, no PMO, 54 days to go.

Today, I had a wet dream, but without any dreams at all, I just woke up wet, it's the 2nd time I have wet dreams, the first one was in day 25, and now 11 days later, I am expecting to have wet dream once every week to 2 weeks, and actually having a wet dream 11 days only after the first time that took 25 days, is another sign of healing, as I used to have such dreams once every 10 days as an average before starting PMO. I also feel like I am almost healed.

In just 36 days ? Yeah, thanks to the hard mode. The more intense you go while staying consistent and avoiding burnouts is the fastest way to heal, and while there is no way to test it, on day 1, I mentioned that I ejaculate in less than 30s, I really feel that I have enough stamina and almost completly healed to perform well during sex, however, this isn't happening anytime soon, as I won't have any sex before marriage, which I hope will be in less than a year approximately, and also, sex now isn't a phobia or as important as I used to see it, now for me, the most important thing, is to find someone who can be a mom for my future kids, a good mom average in bed is better than a bad mom but a model, communication is way more important.


Today, I had minor urges, but could handle them easily, no other withdrawal symptoms, but I have to admit it, I didn't eat as healthy as I am supposed to, I was working and felt too lazy to cook ngl, however zooming out, in a week I ate 3 sweets, a coffee and a prepared pizza, it is still bad but not so bad, I will be more careful during next week.

Apart from that, I worked out at home, I had 100 push ups, a cold shower, studied, prayed 3 prayers from 5 on time, i memorised a few verses from the quran, I had my Duolingo lesson, I will read a few pages from my book, to be honest, on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday, I am feeling good, doing all what I need to do on time, but starting from Thursday, I am just waiting for the weekend, it's the days where I ate most of my unhealthy food, skipped gym, stayed in bad all day, missed some prayers, even relapsing, Idk if this is common, but I'll have to do a research on it to find a way to avoid it in the future.

That's it from my side. See you tomorrow guys
 
No guys, I didn't, I said that I had minor urges but could handle them easily
 
restorebrain said:
Introduction
Today marks the end of my first month PMO free, it was a hell of a ride, surely, it wasn't easy, but I have always envisioned myself writing these lines and the day has finally came, and in this post, I will describe everything, who am I, my approach, the challenges I faced during this month, knowledged I gained, people who influenced me, the benefits, ups and downs, what did work out, what didn't, what next, the science behind it, all these and more, I will make sure to write everything here to both document my journey as well as to help you guys in your journey.

30 days ago, I wrote a thread here and called it "A promise of a success story", the thread was transfered to 20-24yo threads category as the minimum requirement is 30 days, I respected the decision and kept on journaling every day on that thread, and made it a promise to myself to write here one day, and here I am 30 days later, writing these lines, Alhamdulilah.

Here is the old thread for those of you who would like to read it and/or read my journals, I wrote there everyday for a month, so please, suit yourself : https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/a-promise-of-a-sucess-story.366582/


Who Am I ?
I am a man, almost 24 yo, a muslim, I study and work abroad for almost 3 years now, I been addicted since February 2017, 4 months only after my very first wet dream in my entire life, I was in high school back in the day where me and the boys of my classroom used to talk or even watch together P materials for fun, these funny moments turned into 8 years of severe addiction, many times almost caught by my familly doing the bad deed, with several consequences mentally, physically, emotionally and socially as well, with an average of one PMO session every single day, I tried many times to quit this habit but I've always failed, I have attempts of from 3 days till 114 days, where all my attempts never saw the light of the 28th day except one time back in my own country where I had an AP, who was my classmate and had the same experience and could break free so was helping me.

PMO for me was really hard to break, actually, the toughest thing I've ever faced, I have always told myself that if I can break free from this habit, a lot of aspects of my life will improve signifantly, and after each PMO session, I kept telling myself, I will never give up, God will always see me trying, today I failed, but one day I will make it, and even if I don't i would prefer to die trying rather than accept the fact that I am an addict, especially in a society that considers PMO more like a bad habit than addiction, so I couldn't really ask for help despite the strong need.

How did my addiction look like ?
I was really addicted to the point that one PMO session everyday wasn't enough for me, I was really addicted that I was sexualizing not just girls, but men, even if I am not gay, animals even objects, literally everything, I watched every fetish P material, every type of videos, text, sounds, for hours, watching sex between a man and a woman was no longer a satisfaction for me, I craved for the weiredest things, I craved for violence during sex... I won't talk more even though the list is very long. I used to do some research or watch podcasts about PMO, I knew that my case was severe and one of the strongest in the world, but couldn't do nothing about it, whenever I try to break free, I face a huge amount of withdrawal symptoms, so I give up and go back but this time stronger than ever and this happend for 8 years, so you can imagine how difficult it was for me.

Also, my relationships were terrible, I was always getting angry at the slightest things, I used to make mom cry and never care about her, I broke down with the person who cared the most about me and didn't feel a thing, I hurted her so much, I lost many friends because of my behaviours and never cared, slowely, I started eating junk food getting addicted to it, I started oversleeping, having no energy, I gained 14kg of fats in less than 4 months, I spent hour on social media, my terrible days was like 10 hours of sleep, scroll on different social media for hours, from Instagram, to Facebook, to Snapchat, to Tiktok, back and fourth, have a late junk breakfast, continue scrolling, have a late junk lunch, have PMO session for 2/3 hours, have a junk meal, scroll on social media, have a junk dinner and then have my second PMO session which took around 2/3 hours and sometimes more, I used to have such days often weekly.

Before being an addict, I was good at everything, sports, studying, memorising Quran and more, but slowely after the addiction, I lost all the motivation, like I wanna study, I wanna succeed but I just have no motivation at all, not even a bit.

What made this time "the one" ?
A month ago, and as I was doing some research as usual, I typed "NoFap" on the web and clicked on the first link, which was this forum, I read several stories, success stories, and some sad ones, something hit me back then, when reading success stories, I felt like, I am not alone, there are a lot of people out there living the same hell, and since they made it, why can't I ??? I read sad stories of older men having a lifelong addiction and was so afraid to be like these, I kept on reading for an entire day, and remembered my parents, my ex, my career, my diet, if I do nothing about it I will end up living my worse nightmares for my entire life, so I decided to have my last PMO session, I wanted to do it consciously for the last time, so I eventually had my last PMO session and started planning for this journey.

How it started and what were the rules I followed ?
My last PMO session was on Friday evening, on saturday morning, I woke up and wrote my first thread and here are the addiction consequences that I used to have that day:
1. Cannot focus on a task for more than 5mins
2. Overweight
3. Addicted to Social media, short videos and Tinder (Soft Porn)
4. Always distracted
5. No motivation
6. No motivation to wake up even after 10 hours of sleeping
7. Addicted to Movies and Series
8. Addicted to Junk food, processed food and artificial sweets
9. Skipping gym
10. Procasinating
11. Away from religion
12. Poor grade at Uni
13. Poor Work results
14. Not lasting for more than 30 secondes

I surely during the journey knew that I had more than these, so I was having a huge amount of hatred towards myself for this, I knew that it's gonna be hard but I had no choice, it couldn't be worse, because I was in the worst condition I could ever be, but as they say "If your why is powerful, your how will become easy", and that is true because back in the days where I was relapsing, the problem wasn't always my strategy but rather my will, I have always failed when facing early withdrawal symptoms.

The foundation of the journey
Now, that I have a strong "why", I had to work on my "how" and here I am going to explain the name of the thread, so I decided to follow the fastest yet the hardest road, I imagined healing as moving from point A to point B, where there was 2 ways to go, an easy road but a very long one, or a shortcut but I have to walk through a deadly desert with no water, and I chose the deadly one, how so ? I decided to put the following rules:

1. No PMO: which is oubvious
2. No social media: I went cold turkey on these, all or nothing
3. No movies, no series: same here, I allowed myself to watch some movies during the weekend but only 20mins a session, when having lunch or dinner, and I always have to check the parents guide, if the movie has a single nudity or a sexual scene, I won't watch it
4. Work out every day
5. Cold shower every day
6. Cut the fake friends and unecessary relationships, focus on quality rather then quantity and fix the current ones
7. No music
8. No alcohol, neither smoking or any drugs: I don't do any of these, thanks to Islam, but if you do them, it's better to stop as well
9. Junk food limitation to one cheat meal a week
10. Waking up before sunrise
11. Pray on time
12. Memorise the quran daily
13. Read the quran daily
14. Read Surat Al Mulk daily before sleeping
15. Read 10 pages of a book every day
16. Learn a new language
17. Implement a daily routine, morning routine, evening routine.
18. Study everyday
19. Journal everyday
20. Not think about sex or porn
21. Cut any relationship with every girl I know even for friendship: this doesn't mean that you can be rude with girls, it only means that you don't talk, stare, message any girl, wether it's friendship or dating.

These were my "20 laws" that I needed to follow, I knew it's gonna be hard, almost impossible, many would argue that this can be overwhelming and I will end up giving up, and that's true, theoretically speaking, I can face burn out since day one. However, I had no time to waste, I tried all kind of strategies, I tried to stop P and continue masturbating for a period of time until it goes away, I tried to reduce the times I watch P materials gradually, but I always failed, so I knew that I needed to go cold turkey, but I need a strong "why", since the motivation will fade away within the first few days, and if I don't rely on discipline, I will fail once again.

First week
The first week was literally hell, it was the toughest week in my entire life, I experienced many break downs, many withdrawal symptoms, several extreme and lengthy urges, depression, mood swings, physical pain, but I knew that success will never come if I don't go through this first, I was mentally prepared for such difficulty, I was batteling each day, waking up every day before sunset, working out intensely every day, trying to focus at work and at university, have cold showers, eat healthy, avoid staring at girls, it was a hard week, until the fifth day where I heared the alarm but simply couldn't move a muscle, couldn't even stand up (as it was across the room) to turn it off, it wasn't giving up, but I was at my limit physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually and socially, (you can read more on my daily journals to get a deeper idea of what I batteled every day), but I was patient, I knew that results will never come from my first week, but tiny habits will add up until success, and thank god I kept going and never gave up, during that day, I prefered to rest rather than giving up, and when I woke up, I had a clear way of thinking.


As my motivation faded away after 3 days only, so, I had to anticipate, so, I came up with a strategy (it may exist already but I learned it on my own), the strategy was simple yet so difficult to implement, the strategy goes like: everything is a decision, my goal is to maximize my correct decision and minimize wrong ones. This looks easy, but imagine it as the moment you wanna relapse, you are the one responsible for that decision, nobody is forcing you to do it, it's you and your thoughts/urges, and you are always the one taking the final decision wether to relapse or not your urges, you just decide to give up, and imagine this in every aspect of your life not just PMO.

Therefore, my question was: how can I achieve such level of correctness in taking decision in the shortest period of time, a few days before having intense withdrawal symptoms, I knew that to do so, I have to develop something called "discipline", as motivation will only get you started but discipline keeps you going, so, what is the difference between motivation and discipline ? and how is a person like me with this severity going to be disciplined ?

Well, motivation is an emotion, discipline is not, emotions are temporarry, and are subject to change, you can't expect yourself to be happy all the time, or sad, or angry, and so is motivation, sometimes you are and sometimes you aren't, so, you only do the thing when you feel like so, but discipline is doing the thing even if you don't feel like it, so how can I not relapse at all even if I want it so badly ?

To do that, I developed another strategy (again, it may exist already but I learned it on my own), and the strategy goes like: treat discipline like a muscle, muscles need to be worked out daily to grow, and so is discipline, so, having to wake up early even if you don't want to, or having cold showers even if you don't want to, and all the good yet hard habits can contribute in a few days if done intensely before having intense urges, at that time, I also did a lot of research, and here are the main characters that helped my along the way, (to keep the thread short, I will share the names and links and you can look for them on your own):

1. Prophet Muhammed
2. Omar Ibn Al Khattab
3. Miyamoto Musashi
4. David Goggings
5. Andrew Huberman
6. Chris Williamson
7. Ghost mode
8. Dopamine detox
9. Digital detox
10. https://www.youtube.com/@DrJinSung
11. https://www.youtube.com/@ForPurposeDrivenMen
12. https://www.youtube.com/@YusufTruth
13. https://www.youtube.com/@goharsguide
14. https://www.youtube.com/@othmanalkamees
15. https://www.youtube.com/@ImanGadzhi

Some of them are islamic figures and some aren't, so if you are reading this and aren't a muslim you can choose what's best for you, some of them are doctors and explain terms like porn addiction, discipline, dopamine detox in a scientific way.

Second week
A week went by and I started noticing a slight overall improvement, my withdrawal symptoms decreased, and I started to get used to my new routine (workout every day, junk food limitation, cold shower everyday, waking up every day, not fantasizing, not staring at girls at the gym...), "It doesnt become easy, you become stronger, but you have to do it everyday, and that's the hard part", during this week I kept learning, staying busy, developing new habits, staying far away from triggers, I failed in some like being consistent at waking up early because it's been at least 2 years since I oversleep due to depression and vitamin D deficiency, and limiting junk food, however, my biggest goal was to escape PMO and have these habits along the way, but I have time for them, so failing at some isn't a big of a deal as long as I am maintaining my streak.

Third week
During the third week, I had both a good side and a bad one, the good side is that, I went from escaping PMO and survival mode to a completly different level. After 2 weeks of discipline and learning, my goal went from quitting PMO to unlocking my full potential, reaching my best version of myself, I setted my career, relationships, physic, health... goals, I started fascinating of how far can I go, will I achieve everything I want, what if I have the strongest physic in my city, what if I am the healthiest guy, what if I am the best scientist in the world, what if I can win the noble prize one day (I am a scientist researcher student ), what if I become the best husband, father, son, brother, friend... I became so obssessed with all these and I knew that the only way to know is the keep working, keep fixing myself, keep building better habits, because these tiny habits will add up to build you up, brick by brick, I enjoyed the process more than ever.

The bad side is that for 3 times, during that week, my flatmate brought her gf and have sex at 4 am, the moaning sound were so loud that I woke up and started edging, I couldn't go back to sleep, the first time, they caught me off guard, I wasn't expecting that to happen, I was at the point of giving up tbh, so I stood up, I prayed to God and broke because I really didn't wanna give up but it was so tough, me and my flatemate live wall to wall, her room is next to mine so it was really loud, as if someone forced me to watch porn, for the second time, I could go back to sleep after an hour or so, but after that, I decided to, if it happens again, I will have to force myself to go back to sleep, I can't edge, which is what happend, so when the third time came, I woke up, I was disgusted and went right back to sleep.


Fourth week
During the fourth week, nothing bad happend, I kept on working hard with these tiny habits, I had my first wet dream, it was really strange for my to not have any wet dream for more than 24 days, so I did some research about it and found out that when your body is on its limits physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, socially, so your brain redirect your energy to these tasks and it's normal to not have any wet dreams, I even remmemberd a lot of dreams where I was about to have a wet dream but I was so aware that even when sleep, my subconscious didn't allow me to have sex or to PMO xD.


Overall Conclusion
After such a sever 8 years of addiction, I can't believe that I made it to my first month, the difference between this time and the time where I reached 114 days, is that it was a soft journey, but this one is my first hardmode ghost mode journey, after a month, I noticed the following:

1. My energy leveled up, I am not lazy anymore, not procastinate on anything, I feel energized during the day.
2. I can focus on work/study for hours, no break.
3. I don't feel sluggish anymore, and feel a clean skin, I noticed people looking at me, I don't know if it's a good way.
4. I have better relationships with my family and friends, my parents and friends always enjoy talking to me.
5. I am not mad or have any mood swings as I used to.
6. I memorized Surat Al baqara entirely, for those non muslim, I memorized 49 pages by heart from the islamic holly book.
7. I read books every day, I read "I missed a prayer" and currently still reading "Atomic Habits" by James Clear.
8. I read Surat Al Mulk before sleeping every night
9. I worked out 29 days and had 29 cold showers, I skipped one time because I was extremly exhausted that I spent all the day in my bed
10. I am learning a new language on Duolingo for the past 17 days now
11. I wrote a scientific article (I started writing in before starting this journey) and I will publish it this month on IEEE Access.
12. I limited my junk food to one cheat day a week and dropped 6kg of fats in one month, and gained muscles.
13. I limited watching series and movies, I don't watch football anymore.
14. I don't scroll anymore, I don't have social media at all, just Whatsapp and Messenger.
15. I am praying on time.
16. I am not distracted at all.
17. I respect women and I don't see them as sex subjects anymore.
18. I gained more confidence, even when talking to strangers (doctors, stores administratives...)

This morning, I woke up and found a message from a girl I used to know, and I knew that there is no way that I have a future with her, so I blocked her right away, no second thoughts.

These and among others, are the benefits that I experienced, not just PMO free but thanks to all the habits I implemented, there is a still a room for improvement of course, but I really can't believe that all these happend in a month looking at my case, it was almost impossible, I felt like I rose from death, and it's true, "the longer your streak gets, the stronger you get", now, I hate porn more than ever, but I don't hate myself anymore, I love myself too much that I wanna I wanna build myself up, and that got me thinking of the verse in the quran : "Except those who repent and believe (in Islamic Monotheism), and do righteous deeds, for those, Allah will change their sins into good deeds, and Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful". This verse, never made sense to me before, how can God changes the wrong deeds of someone to Good ones, I mean, I know God is merciful, but he could remove the sins only, why does he have to, or how can he change these deeds, until the hatred to myself became love, only then I understood it. It's really fascinating how can God send such messages in such forms. My goals now are to get to the 60th, 90th, 120th day and so on, I hate PMO now more than ever, and will never look back to it, I will resist every urge and withdrawal symptoms, I will continue building myself, not just for me, but for my future wife, she deserves a loyal husband, for my future kids, the deservce a strong dad, for my parents, the deserve a kind son, for my brothers, they deserve a trustworthy brother, for my friends, they deserve an addiction free friend, for God, he deserves, an honest righteous worshiper, for myself, I deserve to see the best version of myself.


At the end, I wanna say, that I am grateful for this journey, for every tear, for every sweat, for every urge, for every prayer, for every mistake, for every verse of the quran, this kind of journeys is the one that test our true mettle, the one that shapes our habits, change our identities, as I said during my first week and now I am living in "The boy who entered this 90 days journey, will never be like the man who walks out of it", it's been just a month so far and I am feeling this growth, I feel like a different person, so I am just wondering, how am I gonna be in 60 days from now, in a year, in 5 ? Only Time will reveal this mystery.

This is a beacon of hope for everyone in this journey, I was probably worse than you, if I made it to one month, you can as well, just keep going.

That's it from my side guys, I will be writing my daily journals in this thread from now on, see you tomorrow.

Alhamdulilah
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Hey man
I am really very much motivated after reading your post. You have organized well in order to express yourselves and thanks for the list you have mentioned in the post which inspires me to follow it piece by piece keep updated and all the best for your journey ahead.
 
Deccan said:
Hey man
I am really very much motivated after reading your post. You have organized well in order to express yourselves and thanks for the list you have mentioned in the post which inspires me to follow it piece by piece keep updated and all the best for your journey ahead.
Click to expand...
Thank you for the kind words brother, I also hope to see you at your best.
 
Day 37 NoFap, no PMO, 53 days to go.

Last night and today first thing in the morning, I faced some intense urges, urges that I didn't have since week 3, if you guys remember the episode of my flatemate, it was so hard to the point that I started visualizing myself bringing my phone and relapsing, I even had the thought that it's not that bad, I am already in day 37, so I should relapse and just substract 10 days and restart from day 27, but somehow, I succeeded to convince myself to just delay it.

After leaving bed, I decided to take today as a reset day, no workout, no cold showers, no studying... During the last week even though I completed my tasks, I didn't feel like I accomplished much, and this was probably one of the reasons that led to this edging situation, so I took the opportunity of the day off to mentally rest, but physically I am exhausted typing these lines, since I did my grocery shopping, meals prep, cleaned my room and decluttered my desk, it took me hours actually to complete these tasks but I had to run away from this pressure but still be productive.

I am the type of person that always feel good by Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday, but once Thursday is here, I am just waiting for the weekend, I will have to find a balance to keep being productive and avoid having such pressure. I also noticed that when I am busy being productive, I don't feel any withdrawal symptoms, but once the seasonal depression kicks in or when I am a bit free I start having some withdrawal symptoms. I know that I have to fight these symptoms, because there will be times with no production, especially that I live alone, it's easier to relapse, because noboody can see me almost all the time.

For this upcoming week, I will continue my good habits, and I will stop entertainment shows and replace them with Youtube videos, productive videos of course, such as a day in a life of a student or a podcast or anything helpful, and only when I am eating (lunch/dinner) I will go back to sleeping early and have my screens off night routine and so on, looking forward to a better week.

At this point I am so tired, I will have my night routine and go to sleep, tomorrow is another day.
 
I had four hours of urges today, and I almost gave in. I tried breathing exercises, tried taking rest tried to keeping my mind in a blank situation(basically thinking about nothing) but nothing had seemed to be working, and that's when i was reminded of this web,
And finally
No urges anymore,so thank you very much, all I did was read your journal thread and all my urges have just faded.
You are not just motivating and calming yourselves through these journals, but also others who are facing the same kind of trouble.it might not feel like it's helping others to you,but I assure you it is very.

Thank you again
Day 5
Completed
 
Today marks the end of 38 days NoFap, hard mode ghost mode and yeah I relapsed unfortunately, let me break it down for you so you don't fall for the same mistakes I did. I made a promise to myself to post here and inform yuou guys if I relapse and here I am fulfilling my promise.

Before reading the next lines, please take a moment to watch the next video as it is really important to understand what I will be talking about

Assuming that you watched the video and you came back, I watched this video one day before starting this journey, and it was one of the reasons I came this far, during this journey, and thanks to this video I survived relapsing countless times, the authors suggest that relapsing is not the moment that you back to your addiction, instead it happens way before that, and that's true, after 10 days of starting this journey, I failed waking up early, around the 20th day, I stopped reading the Quran (I was reading a part and memorising another part daily), starting from day 30 till today, I went back to social media, watching movies, skipped reading books, my wok performance dropped... It happend exponentially, you see the gap between day 10 when I gave up waking up early and day 20 when I gave up reading quran, then I started losing habits faster, so by day 35, I was expecting to relapse, just wasn't sure when, I was like a ship in the middle of the ocean that has a hole where the water comes in, the sinking is sure, but we don't know exactly when it's gonna happen.

The second reason, was that I have some personal problems, add to it the fact that I am living alone and it has been almost 3 years I did not see my family, these are not excuses but sometimes it's just so hard, especially when you have to handle a lot of things alone and you just don't see the end of the tunnel yet, and the funny thing is that I did not relapse because I gave in to urges, I can say that 38 days of NoFap hard mode helped me a lot mastering my desires, but it was the first reason and the depression that kicked it at the end, I knew that by relapsing I am going to waste the progress of 38 days in a few minutes pleasure, and I was fully aware of what I am doing and that by relapsing I won't feel any better yet I did it.

Despite the sorrow behind losing 38 days streak, I am grateful for this journey, it is true that I didn't stick to all the habits that I set, but relapsing 6 days before half the journey, coming this far from the first attempt, first hard mode, documented and learning everything about it and especially that it wasn't the urges that made me relapse, but a serie of poor decisions and the hardship of the second reason that I spoke about, and having habits that I sticked to for good, such as workout, cold showers, learning a new language, eating healthy, praying, memorising the quran, and after 8 years of hard addiction is no joke, I am really proud of the growth that happened to me and accepted the end of this journey with a good heart.


Documenting this journey on this platform was mainly to give hope to people reading it, especially when you start documenting it day by day since day 1 isn't like having a post by day 90 after managing it and if failing happens, one will not share. Achieving this 38 days after 8 years of addiction was possible and so your turn is, it was a beautiful dream, thanks to all the people who read my threads, who believed in me, who commented on my post, wether a constructive or a destructive message, this journey was one of the hardest growing chapters of my life, and will stay as a reference point, because at the end of the day we are only suppose to do our best.

Now, I will take a break, I will also log out for a few days off of this plateform, to rest, reset my compass, learn from this journey and set new rules, as relapsing today isn't the end but a break for something bigger, the comeback is soon.

Unfortunately, I can't say see you tomorrow, but see you soon.
 
restorebrain said:
Today marks the end of 38 days NoFap, hard mode ghost mode and yeah I relapsed unfortunately, let me break it down for you so you don't fall for the same mistakes I did. I made a promise to myself to post here and inform yuou guys if I relapse and here I am fulfilling my promise.

Before reading the next lines, please take a moment to watch the next video as it is really important to understand what I will be talking about

Assuming that you watched the video and you came back, I watched this video one day before starting this journey, and it was one of the reasons I came this far, during this journey, and thanks to this video I survived relapsing countless times, the authors suggest that relapsing is not the moment that you back to your addiction, instead it happens way before that, and that's true, after 10 days of starting this journey, I failed waking up early, around the 20th day, I stopped reading the Quran (I was reading a part and memorising another part daily), starting from day 30 till today, I went back to social media, watching movies, skipped reading books, my wok performance dropped... It happend exponentially, you see the gap between day 10 when I gave up waking up early and day 20 when I gave up reading quran, then I started losing habits faster, so by day 35, I was expecting to relapse, just wasn't sure when, I was like a ship in the middle of the ocean that has a hole where the water comes in, the sinking is sure, but we don't know exactly when it's gonna happen.

The second reason, was that I have some personal problems, add to it the fact that I am living alone and it has been almost 3 years I did not see my family, these are not excuses but sometimes it's just so hard, especially when you have to handle a lot of things alone and you just don't see the end of the tunnel yet, and the funny thing is that I did not relapse because I gave in to urges, I can say that 38 days of NoFap hard mode helped me a lot mastering my desires, but it was the first reason and the depression that kicked it at the end, I knew that by relapsing I am going to waste the progress of 38 days in a few minutes pleasure, and I was fully aware of what I am doing and that by relapsing I won't feel any better yet I did it.

Despite the sorrow behind losing 38 days streak, I am grateful for this journey, it is true that I didn't stick to all the habits that I set, but relapsing 6 days before half the journey, coming this far from the first attempt, first hard mode, documented and learning everything about it and especially that it wasn't the urges that made me relapse, but a serie of poor decisions and the hardship of the second reason that I spoke about, and having habits that I sticked to for good, such as workout, cold showers, learning a new language, eating healthy, praying, memorising the quran, and after 8 years of hard addiction is no joke, I am really proud of the growth that happened to me and accepted the end of this journey with a good heart.


Documenting this journey on this platform was mainly to give hope to people reading it, especially when you start documenting it day by day since day 1 isn't like having a post by day 90 after managing it and if failing happens, one will not share. Achieving this 38 days after 8 years of addiction was possible and so your turn is, it was a beautiful dream, thanks to all the people who read my threads, who believed in me, who commented on my post, wether a constructive or a destructive message, this journey was one of the hardest growing chapters of my life, and will stay as a reference point, because at the end of the day we are only suppose to do our best.

Now, I will take a break, I will also log out for a few days off of this plateform, to rest, reset my compass, learn from this journey and set new rules, as relapsing today isn't the end but a break for something bigger, the comeback is soon.

Unfortunately, I can't say see you tomorrow, but see you soon.
Click to expand...
Hey man
Thanks for sharing your journey.It had been really very nice as you have documented it very sequentially,I would say this is a reset every thing has its high and low like the peak comes and then it fells but, the thing is that it should continue and I am quite hopeful you will keep your streak going like this and motivating us with your writings.I wish all the very best in ahead of your journey.Hope to see you soon.
Thanks for sharing the video it is quite helpful in self analysis and self regulation.
 
restorebrain said:
Today marks the end of 38 days NoFap, hard mode ghost mode and yeah I relapsed unfortunately, let me break it down for you so you don't fall for the same mistakes I did. I made a promise to myself to post here and inform yuou guys if I relapse and here I am fulfilling my promise.

Before reading the next lines, please take a moment to watch the next video as it is really important to understand what I will be talking about

Assuming that you watched the video and you came back, I watched this video one day before starting this journey, and it was one of the reasons I came this far, during this journey, and thanks to this video I survived relapsing countless times, the authors suggest that relapsing is not the moment that you back to your addiction, instead it happens way before that, and that's true, after 10 days of starting this journey, I failed waking up early, around the 20th day, I stopped reading the Quran (I was reading a part and memorising another part daily), starting from day 30 till today, I went back to social media, watching movies, skipped reading books, my wok performance dropped... It happend exponentially, you see the gap between day 10 when I gave up waking up early and day 20 when I gave up reading quran, then I started losing habits faster, so by day 35, I was expecting to relapse, just wasn't sure when, I was like a ship in the middle of the ocean that has a hole where the water comes in, the sinking is sure, but we don't know exactly when it's gonna happen.

The second reason, was that I have some personal problems, add to it the fact that I am living alone and it has been almost 3 years I did not see my family, these are not excuses but sometimes it's just so hard, especially when you have to handle a lot of things alone and you just don't see the end of the tunnel yet, and the funny thing is that I did not relapse because I gave in to urges, I can say that 38 days of NoFap hard mode helped me a lot mastering my desires, but it was the first reason and the depression that kicked it at the end, I knew that by relapsing I am going to waste the progress of 38 days in a few minutes pleasure, and I was fully aware of what I am doing and that by relapsing I won't feel any better yet I did it.

Despite the sorrow behind losing 38 days streak, I am grateful for this journey, it is true that I didn't stick to all the habits that I set, but relapsing 6 days before half the journey, coming this far from the first attempt, first hard mode, documented and learning everything about it and especially that it wasn't the urges that made me relapse, but a serie of poor decisions and the hardship of the second reason that I spoke about, and having habits that I sticked to for good, such as workout, cold showers, learning a new language, eating healthy, praying, memorising the quran, and after 8 years of hard addiction is no joke, I am really proud of the growth that happened to me and accepted the end of this journey with a good heart.


Documenting this journey on this platform was mainly to give hope to people reading it, especially when you start documenting it day by day since day 1 isn't like having a post by day 90 after managing it and if failing happens, one will not share. Achieving this 38 days after 8 years of addiction was possible and so your turn is, it was a beautiful dream, thanks to all the people who read my threads, who believed in me, who commented on my post, wether a constructive or a destructive message, this journey was one of the hardest growing chapters of my life, and will stay as a reference point, because at the end of the day we are only suppose to do our best.

Now, I will take a break, I will also log out for a few days off of this plateform, to rest, reset my compass, learn from this journey and set new rules, as relapsing today isn't the end but a break for something bigger, the comeback is soon.

Unfortunately, I can't say see you tomorrow, but see you soon.
Click to expand...
I'm sorry to hear this man.

Earlier in your thread I mentioned that while you showed enormous motivation, I was concerned that in your detailed plan there was no plan for how you would respond IF you relapsed. I was concerned that all your chest thumping would make you crash in despair. I don't want to bear a grudge but you were quite dismissive. I was called a naysayer, a hater, among other things in your journal. My biggest concern for you was that IF you relapsed it would be a one off event and not a cluster.

I am worried that that is now happening. You say you are logging out for a few days to reset?! Hasnt this platform been a crucial piece of the nofap journey for you? I urge you, keep up your good work and ensure this is just a one off and not a spiral. Dont let the good foundation you started be undone. Learn from the relapse and get back on the wagon ASAP.
 
The Road of Sanctification said:
I'm sorry to hear this man.

Earlier in your thread I mentioned that while you showed enormous motivation, I was concerned that in your detailed plan there was no plan for how you would respond IF you relapsed. I was concerned that all your chest thumping would make you crash in despair. I don't want to bear a grudge but you were quite dismissive. I was called a naysayer, a hater, among other things in your journal. My biggest concern for you was that IF you relapsed it would be a one off event and not a cluster.

I am worried that that is now happening. You say you are logging out for a few days to reset?! Hasnt this platform been a crucial piece of the nofap journey for you? I urge you, keep up your good work and ensure this is just a one off and not a spiral. Dont let the good foundation you started be undone. Learn from the relapse and get back on the wagon ASAP.
Click to expand...
Funny thing, ever since you didn't understand my answer to your question ''if/when I relapse'', I was expecting an ''I told you'' kind of threads. No problem, I'll reply to you once again and I will try to make it clearer, if I ever relapse again, the plan is simple, it's the one that I did during the last couple of days, take a few days off, recharge, learn about the mistakes that led to relapse and learn how to avoid such mistakes in the next attempt, implement a more solid plan and get back on track as soon as possible.

This is what I did and today is my day 0, I have already identified what went wrong and what went right and I have a solid plan now, and achieving 38 days in the first attempt is something that I will use as a proof/reference point for this attempt, so if I could acheive it from the first time, I know that achieving at least the same duration is possible, so yeah I started again, I will give up this post and create a new one out of the ''success story'' until 30 days from now.

And for motivation, people often missunderstand motivation, there are people who do things only when they feel like it and that's motivation, and there is another category which, thanks to some discipline videos, they hate the word motivation, and consider each failed attempt as that guy was relying on motivation only, and tbh I don't really think that motivation can last 38 days, also motivation is really important, we should just give everything the right value and the value is: motivation gets you starting, when you envision yourself breaking from PMO, or achieving any other goal you start with motivation, not discipline, but once you first struggle with obstacles, you start losing motivation and see it as harder than you imagined it, but this doesn't last over a week in nofap, and discipline keeps you going, so I believe that relapsing withing the first or second week is a lack of discipline, but failing at 38 or 90 or even after a year, has nothing to do with discipline, instead, it's a serie of poor decisions that led to that event, and that is exactly what happend to me.


This was just to clear things, I wish you all the best in your journey as well mate!
 
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