Day 30. It's my first streak since I started NoFap. My goals: Abstaining from porn completely, and any erotic content as much as possible Abstaining from sexual fantasies completely, because at the moment all my fantasies are porn-induced Abstaining from masturbation, at least for now, because I have no way of achieving an erection without using either porn, erotica, or my porn-induced fantasies. I am not against masturbation, but I can't do it in a healthy way Developing a realistic image of women and sex Eventually, I want to find a girlfriend and lose my virginity What I do: Constantly stopping my sexual thoughts Deleted all the porn from my computer, including links/bookmarks. This also includes a lot of anime with "fanservice" On social media, unsubscribed from all channels/groups promoting pornographic or erotic content Exercising every day, eating more (I was underweight), sleeping on a schedule (a very soft one) I come here often, to tell about my progress, my feelings, and to ask an advice Also, I'm a member of a 12-step community specializing in a different problem, so I also attend the community meetings, I have a sponsor and even some steps done What I expected: PIED cured My sexual delusions gone Maybe, it could help with my depression and social anxiety, but I don't expect much here What I got: PIED cured, judging by mornings I feel more energized. Not super energized, but before my energy was ever deficient, so now I just feel okay I've become motivated enough to ask a girl out, but she refused Judging by the previous points, my depression and anxiety are a bit better Yet, today I feel like shit. I don't believe in any kind of gods, but if I did, I'd ask them to stomp me to death, for I am a worm. That's because there is one guy I really hate, and today he told something really bad about the girl I like (the one I asked out). She was on the edge of crying, he was full of himself because he happened to be right this time, technically. I did nothing, just sat there like an angry chicken. I think she was right rejecting me. I have no idea what to do next. Unwiring my brain from porn is only a half of the job, and the rest would be trying to make some kind of relationship going. Out of all women I know at the moment, I like 2, including the aforementioned lady, and the other one is hell knows where and not coming back. So I guess I will have to go on some dates with random women in a hope I will like someone eventually, and she will reciprocate. I am not prepared for relationships, but I found out I will never be prepared anyway, unless I try, fail, and become prepared. It's like with ninjas, you cannot be prepared for them coming. I want to try it anyway, I've seen all my old shit along and across.