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Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by monkmode24/7, Dec 27, 2017.

  1. monkmode24/7

    monkmode24/7 Fapstronaut

    Hey guys I can finally say I have successfully done 30 days of nofap complete. No masturbating, no fantasising, no ejaculating, no orgasm, limited internet use/phone use except for communication.

    Brief rundown..

    How bad was my addiction?

    • Started masturbating multiple times a day since the age of 14. Escalated to almost every single fetish/type of pornography.
    • Tried quitting for 3 years
    • Longest steak 54 days ( included glimpses and masturbating )
    • Was stuck trying to get rid of a porn induced fetish for transexuals/penises for 5-6 years.
    • Relapsed with a transexual prostitute.
    • Used to let my dog lick me off once when I was young.
    • Tried every single form of masturbation/way to get a hit
    • Would constantly relapse trying to perform self oral and would be basically stiff neck and stiff back for weeks.

    What did I do to try to get out of it?
    • Researching, buying books, forums, accountability partner, support groups, sponsors, eliminating all paraphernalia, changing all cues in house, changing house, removing technology, blocking porn from my internet.

    What were the withdrawal symptoms?
    • First week: Intense cravings/flashbacks. Intense sensitization, objectification of women, compulsion to use very high. Anxiety high.

    • 2-3 weeks: Intense anxiety and despair. Super negative thoughts, limiting beliefs, extreme self hatred. Fears exacerbated. Suicidal thoughts. Basically every negative feeling under the sun; shame, guilt, depression, anxiety. Just remembered they were withdrawals and that eventually they would pass.

    • 3 -4 weeks: Anxiety and depression severely decreased. Had sexual dreams which made me completely exhausted three days in a row. Massive headaches. Severe cravings. Memory improving. Confidence slowly rising. Clearing in mental space and cognitive function becoming more clearer. Understanding deeper nuances. Depression nearly gone. Symptoms improving each day.
    My thoughts:

    I never thought I would accomplish so much this year but I have. Relapsing with a transexual sex worker after so many years of trying to remove shameful fetishes I finally surrendered to my addiction and sought help. It was the best thing I had ever done.

    Every day I reach out to others and connect to them. Really, with addiction, transformation is possible but you must be willing to accept an entirely different paradigm than the one your in with the addiction.

    Now my cognitive function is so good, fluid and working well. I wonder if this is how it feels to be normal or if its a mixture of: semen retention, dopamine restoration, increased testosterone and sexual de-conditioning. However I am learning more about myself than ever before, accepting my self for my biggest flaws and changing the way I think about life completely.

    Women are no longer seen a materialistic thing. I am able to engage with others, give more and have longer conversations which feels good. Neediness is decreased, people are respecting me more.

    I can't say it enough but I honestly feel great. Definitely the lessons you learn from NoFap set you apart from the crowd. I can't imagine how many people are caught in the trap of their addictions. Still, I am very cautious and always on high alert when cravings/withdrawals are going to come around the corner. Especially when things are going well and making sure to go to my support group and connect with another whenever anything happens that I may or may not find triggering e.g

  2. congrats on 30 days....im happy for you....keep going
  3. challengerstreak

    challengerstreak Fapstronaut

  4. Thanks for sharing, especially the info on the withdrawal symptoms.... So far so good for now but I know they shall soon come for me..... Maintain your program man!:emoji_innocent::emoji_thumbsup:
  5. Former_CD

    Former_CD Fapstronaut

    Your progress is awesome! Keep up the good work!
  6. Casey54

    Casey54 Fapstronaut

    Congrats man, it gives the rest of us hope!
  7. awimbawe

    awimbawe Fapstronaut

    It's amazing how 30 days could give you so much benefits. It surely inspires me to keep myself on track in this NoFap journey. Keep it up, dude!
  8. Rrkshankar

    Rrkshankar Fapstronaut

    Congrats bro
    monkmode24/7 likes this.
  9. monkmode24/7

    monkmode24/7 Fapstronaut

    It is amazing and considering its only the first 30 days. The next 60 are going to be insane. But there are aspects of my consciousness that I didn't think possible. I can look at people and more easily relate to their experience as opposed to before I guess I always thought I was cut from a different cloth, being so desensitised to the rest of the world, I thought that normal people were just all genetically lucky.
    Deleted Account and awimbawe like this.
  10. monkmode24/7

    monkmode24/7 Fapstronaut

    Another thing to add today. It's very weird how the symptoms react but symptoms are very erratic. One moment your experiencing a new level of consciousness you did not know before (speaking for myself) and the next you can be experiencing what you were in weeks 2-3. The difference is what you experience in weeks 4 are not as strong. It may look like your going through the same withdrawals but it really doesn't. It becomes apparent the overall trajectory is moving up, despite your state constantly fluctuating.
  11. monkmode24/7

    monkmode24/7 Fapstronaut

    Another thing to add. Had a craving today and I thought it was quite interesting that my cravings were as if I had relapsed a day ago. Despite being 31 days sober and in recovery my cravings were as clear as day. Quite interesting to consider, also when you hear from people who have been 2 years and then come across cravings that nearly or sometimes cause them to relapse. Really gotta be cautious at all times.

    Very scary. Today, it was interesting. I experienced porn flashbacks and fantasies that I knew I did not like/wasn't interested in. However it was much easier to disengage from it as I don't have the emotional/mental baggage surrounding it. Negative thinking was easier to overcome I guess however it's easy to see how these thoughts can stick despite how much progress you've made in recovery in terms of days.

    Just some thoughts for you to contemplate.
    Deleted Account likes this.
  12. NewLifeForGood86

    NewLifeForGood86 Fapstronaut

    That’s some serious commitment for self improvement. Keep going. Never give up.
    By the way, what does monk mode include? How is it different from hard mode?
    monkmode24/7 and Deleted Account like this.
  13. Zephil

    Zephil Fapstronaut

    Well done, just keep going your doing amazing.
    monkmode24/7 and Deleted Account like this.
  14. monkmode24/7

    monkmode24/7 Fapstronaut

    Monk mode is basically a break from all artificial stimulation. To be exact it would be to remove: all videos, games, social media, porn, music... But realistically you need technology to communicate to others. However that is all I use it for. Seems radical but monk mode has actually become just a way of life for me and it interests people. Most people are actually really curious and when I tell them why I do it. They always tell me how addicted they are to their phones etc. And btw thanks! How are you going with nofap?
    Vulkan likes this.
  15. It'sBlue

    It'sBlue Fapstronaut

    Nice to find this post, man! I am going through something about a fetish that I acquired because of porn use and you know, the "freedom" to fantasise that porn provides you.
    So good to know more people are struggling with this kind of things and actually finding themselves better with time.
    Keep up!:emoji_thumbsup:
  16. Anurag12

    Anurag12 Fapstronaut

    Congrats Man!! Welcome to Fapstronaut club, Me too on day 110 no pmo hard mode, Never felt as awesome as it feels now.
    Very Happy for you buddy, keep going.
    All d best.
    Sirauder and monkmode24/7 like this.
  17. NewLifeForGood86

    NewLifeForGood86 Fapstronaut

    I agree fully with you that monk mode has many benefits. I’ve studied the harms of modern society’s addiction to artificial stimulation. Modern research has proven these addictions work on our mind the same way as an addiction to drugs. I usually also limit the use of these things to mostly when it is necessary. But you just inspired me to do the monk mode instead of hard mode :). I want to give it a try for some time.

    I’ve been in nofap for around 5 months, and although my longest streaks in this period have been only 3 weeks or a little above that nofap has overall worked wonders for me. I’ll write a post in the success stories section once I reach a month.
    Sirauder likes this.
  18. monkmode24/7

    monkmode24/7 Fapstronaut

    Great stuff! Yeah, in that case then try to connect with someone in these upcoming days, stay outside and if you feel demotivated make a deadline for yourself. Arrange plans on the days you are going to be at a high risk. Don't wait till you relapse to do monk mode use your momentum and start now.
    NewLifeForGood86 likes this.
  19. monkmode24/7

    monkmode24/7 Fapstronaut

    Day 32

    Day 4 of week 4

    Feeling like when I was getting progressively better from my withdrawals, now I am feeling like I am progressively getting worse from my benefits. My face feels tense, today I was overthinking so intensely my brain was spiralling out of control and my social anxiety was high today. Literally feels like the chemicals are sucked out of my brain. People talk to me and thoughts come; I understand that I may like things but I can't feel it. When I try and smile or laugh it feels like I can't bring up the enjoyment because I am just million times too desensitised to recognise completely what is going on.

    Social anxiety is high at the moment, can't keep a conversation without thinking about my breath, swallowing hard or incongruently smiling because of my desensitised brain. Face is super tense too, like muscles are constantly twitching because of all the stress. My face is frozen.

    No motivation. Negative thoughts are coming back - lack of self acceptance. Cravings are also really high now because of all the stress my brain is looking for a relief by looking at pornographic images, acting out by performing myself oral, fantasising, figuring logistics for sex workers and trying to tempt me into rubbing myself or touching my self in a sexual way.

    Getting urges to look at pictures.

    All of this but I know where it leads very clearly. This is the nature of the disease peeps and it's only going to get worse. This may not be the worst of the cravings but fuck it I will see it out. I do not think at all about the time I have up because realistically it doesn't mean shit. I could give it all away and be back to 0 if I chose to just fuck up my life for the instant gratification of porn. Going to go to sleep because I am so fricken exhausted. 5 hours sleep each day for many days. Feeling exhausted. Peace.
    Last edited: Dec 30, 2017
    ShowY and Sirauder like this.
  20. NewLifeForGood86

    NewLifeForGood86 Fapstronaut

    Thanks for the advice and support. In fact I’ll start from today until next Friday. That’s one week. Since it’s monk mode, I won’t think of fantasies, I of course won’t edge even the slightest and I will cut off from electronics, apart from working hours (8-5) since I need technology on work. But before 8 in the morning and after five in the evening it will be no technology zone, unless I receive a call. I’ll mention the effects of 1 week monk mode in my post in the success stories section in a week.

    Good luck to you too. I just read your recent post that urges, social anxiety and negative thoughts are bothering you today. Don’t give up. And stay on track. Each day and each hour that passes brings you one step closer to your goal. Stay in the game. It WILL be worth it. And the pain will subside. Pain is temporary but your achievements as a result of continuing strong will be long lasting.
    monkmode24/7 likes this.

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