30 DAYS WOOO

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by monkmode24/7, Dec 27, 2017.

  1. monkmode24/7

    monkmode24/7 Fapstronaut

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    Obrigada. Yeah actually realistically majority of my time I have been experiencing these withdrawal effects. Connecting with others takes me out of it but I am an extreme case - I will probably take longer to heal. I will say this though you definitely start noticing there is an undercurrent of confidence, clear mindedness that is constant though. Although I have been going through anxiety, depression, emotional numbness and now irritability aswell I am definitely less reactive to things and there is a self esteem growing because I can see I am able to do things a lot more effectively ( in particular; socialising) than before. So do it. And if you have a girlfriend - Great! Tell her all about your porn addiction, all the nitty gritty shit that you might be keeping secret, build trust and connect with her. Help each other to grow! Sounds awesome, really happy for you. Keep me updated.
     
  2. monkmode24/7

    monkmode24/7 Fapstronaut

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    Definitely not man! Thanks for the motivation though I definitely agree more days, better days are to come! How are you going with your progress?
     
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  3. monkmode24/7

    monkmode24/7 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks man!! Really made my day seeing that and seeing that your going to experiment and implement makes me super grateful. Wish only nothing but the best for you and all who are trying to recover. It's becoming more and more common to disconnect man and you might find more people on the path doing the same thing. Just keep at it, connect with others, start creating positive habits and eventually you want to adopt a lifestyle where you are constantly facing your fears, introspecting, liberating yourself more and more from these addictions and attachments in all their forms. Good thing to try is a sensory deprivation tank. Helps a lot with recovery. Joe rogan - a famous ufc commentator - talks massively about it. Check it out.
     
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  4. Now just keeping my mind occupied with other things but I feel good since I'm not falling into the unproductive habit. Staying strong and hoping to stay that way.

    Currently in a flatline which is good I guess. Looking forward to the benefits in the future. Eliminated triggers which feels good.
     
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  5. monkmode24/7

    monkmode24/7 Fapstronaut

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    Great ! Keep it up!
     
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  6. monkmode24/7

    monkmode24/7 Fapstronaut

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    DAY 46
    DAY 4 OF WEEK 6
    I realise that I have probably fucked up the day report numbers a little bit, but I'll fix it soon. I haven't actually posted in maybe two or three days. I woke up one day with incredible urges and since then I saw that mornings were triggering so I kept my laptop in my car and focused on other things in the meantime. In all honesty I think the more and more infrequent I am posting goes to show the less and less focus I have on my addiction which is a good thing however I am always cautious of cravings, emotional disturbances; all in all observant of my states.

    The past few days have been tough. I had a big surge in testosterone at one point now a while back and it seems like the past few days have just been filled with this kinda low self esteem, facial tension, emotional numbness, anxiety, depression. Also another one to add to the list is Irritability YAY!. Haha but I was talking to a fellow addict and we were having a good talk about withdrawals and recovery etc. He basically said that he takes life as it comes to him. Instead of waiting until nofap fixes me, to go out and do shit. These feelings or withdrawals I can't really control so to a degree I just accept them now as a process that has to occur for me to recover. Although this anxiety sometimes worries me because I begin to think that I will never experience the positive effects of nofap/recovery and that I might be fucked genetically or something. Then I connect with someone and it goes away a bit. I realise, although there is these negative emotions/experience which completely alter my perspective and way of thinking, in a way I can see there is an underlying level of healing or confidence beneath these emotions that is becoming more and more constant. My mind is more and more clearer. It's hard to explain because I am feeling shit but also I'm doing better?

    Bit difficult, but to put it simply I can see there is healing underneath all these withdrawals. I definitely I think I have this bad and in all honesty I would not be surprised if I experience withdrawals for months. Although I just hope I have a few days here and there to boost my morale but by taking it one day at a time I can get through it.

    I went into a sensory deprivation tank the other day which I am going to make a weekly practice on the days I do not have meeting s on for my sex addicts group. I have been meditating each morning 20 minutes and yah. Fuck. Last night I had the scariest dream. So after the tank you get very vivid dreams. Well my vivid dream was a full blown relapse and the feeling of guilt and annoyance etc. has stayed with me the whole day. I woke up thinking I ruined it all and I was back to square one. Weird experience.

    I do notice actually that I am much more productive. All these benefits are happening very gradually and its not as pronounced as some days you spontaneously feel amazing. Guess I just notice that I will get home and instead of crashing and not having the motivation to do anything I will actually go to the gym and fill up my time more effectively even if it is 10pm at night. So, it's been gradual but I guess in hindsight I wouldn't usually do that, not sure how much you can attribute it to nofap but I'd say all in all these past four days I have just been going through massive withdrawals, not much attraction from women yet in my recovery except for maybe one day.
     
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  7. Thx for the encouragement man, Since sunday it has felt like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders with the restrict internet use. Made me realize you only really need to bare minimum in life to get by online.... The rest is time wasting material... I can go to the book store up the street if I need to reach anything..... I'll look into the information you shared about the sensory deprivation tank.

    Keep It Up Man!
     
  8. monkmode24/7

    monkmode24/7 Fapstronaut

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    Really is and you only need technology to communicate or look something up. But now it's become some sort of dopamine cycle shit where your scrolling non stop, looking for the next video, trying to create the perfect profile or chasing likes. It's pretty fucked but oh well. We just all gotta be aware I guess. The next generation are even more fucked because they're growing with it now. There are babies on iPads and shit now.. super freaky.
     
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  9. boy026

    boy026 Fapstronaut

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  10. monkmode24/7

    monkmode24/7 Fapstronaut

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    DAY 47
    DAY 5 OF WEEK 6
    Damn. This is one of the hardest days I have come across. My cravings were off the charts and ironically I woke up feeling good today.

    First thing I did when I woke up was I went on my computer. I knew it was a dangerous thing to do and I did it. Once I was on, I had an empty day ahead of me, being my day off work. I can do anything I want. However since I have no friends I includes having to go out of my comfort zone to make something happen. I was like fuck it, I'm going to start going out and picking up chicks; called a friend. He couldn't do it. Then as I got someone else to go out with and I was already in a haze of "I don't want to go out" I miraculously cut my finger. REALLY bad. Which meant that going to the gym was postponed for a bit, or going out or anything. The bleeding was severe. I WAS FUCKED.

    That's when it started going downhill. Gym was now cancelled for a bit. I postponed going out, and I already had bit of excuse momentum not doing anything.Then walking past my camera, started recording myself which was one of the things I used to do, next minute I'm in my bed.. next minute I'm trying to give myself oral and reviewing what I shot yada yada.

    Anyway I stopped myself. A friend called. And now as I am writing this down my neural connections are firing off to look at porn, go meet a sex worker. It was a pretty close call. And if I get through this day I will be fucking happy. Lesson learnt. Laptop, cameras stay in the car outside and I don't use it unless I am in a public area. I have 47 days up and I have been making progress. Yeah I sort of have reconnected those neural connection but I stopped myself dead in my tracks after a bit I'm continuing on this. Didn't ejaculate. Still going.

    Guys I'm telling you its fucking tough. It is a tough road. And I don't know how long I will go for but just keep fighting one day at a time. Reporting from my worst day on this journey. Over and out.
     
    Last edited: Jan 13, 2018
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  11. 5adn8m8

    5adn8m8 Fapstronaut

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    Your candor is much appreciated.Brave fapstronaut like you are really essential for the community.
    thanks for telling your story.I'm so glad that you have achieved so much just in a limited time.You're such a huge source of inspiration.thanks again and good luck!
     
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  12. It'sBlue

    It'sBlue Fapstronaut

    Hey, man. I want to tell you that I like your posts actually because they show that you, like me, struggle a lot sometimes and have this recurrent thoughts that (for the moment) are so present in our lives and leaves us in a weak position. But hey, the truth is that nobody said it was easy at all, so we just have to keep going. I'm sure brighter days are coming for all of us if we just KEEP GOING, actually, we'll be a better and mentally stronger version of ourselves after the storm or the storms.
    This is tough, yeah, I've had sucidal thoughts and all that stuff sometimes and emotional numbness, depression, anxiety (less that the others but still there), but overall it's depression and tiredness. But, idk, I just keep thinking that one day we'll be like kids again on the inside and we'll enjoy life so much and will have real and strong connections with the people that we love.
    We are making history in a way, man, we are making history in our lives and it will be one of the best to tell when we get over this shit. We just gotta keep going!
    Congratulations for your 48 days! See you at the end of this addiction! :)
     
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  13. Josh.stalz

    Josh.stalz Fapstronaut

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    It sounds like you are going through a flatline. Or have you already thought u had one?
     
  14. I've re-read your reply.... it makes me think that although this generation is technologically advanced a cap needs to be put on time online.... when my grandparents were alive they told me that tv would cut off late in the evening and broadcasting wouldn't come back on until the early morning back in the day.... sometimes I wonder if society should bring that back due to the amount of people addicted to devices and browsing.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 13, 2018
  15. monkmode24/7

    monkmode24/7 Fapstronaut

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    Wow yeah thanks man ! That line " we are making history in our lives" I fucking love that. Pioneers of our own lives. That really takes the pressure of the idea of having to accomplish huge feats others have and makes me more motivated to accomplish my own. Great words of wisdom there and hugely inspirational. You guys help me as much I to you. Grateful so many people are benefiting from my openness and honesty about this addiction. I think there a lot of people suffering from this and it really is a crippling addiction, leaves you really empty handed. But man thanks so much you and everyone are keeping me going, just let that sink in that your words are allowing someone to change their life for the better. Very grateful for everyone here and the whole nofap community.
     
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  16. monkmode24/7

    monkmode24/7 Fapstronaut

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    That's a really good point. I don't know whether we can impose something like that anymore. Social media, the entertainment industry, business, is such a competitive market. I don't think they're really going to set themselves back because its ethically correct. I would like to see some technological awareness being implemented in high schools for example. I really think there should be a sex ed on the addictiveness and repercussion of pornography. I am planning to make documentaries on this subject because I'm really passionate about it. I will eventually post some stuff on here linking to it. We definitely need to become more and more aware on how technology, food, routines impact our lives. This new wave of technological innovation is happening so quick that it's hard for us to adjust at first but with the spread of information we are able to have talks like we are now and become more and more aware. Look at how many fapstronauts there are. There are truly benefits to this system we just need to take back control of it and use it to the advantage of raising consciousness as opposed to trying to increase the efficacy of stimuli and emotionally escape into virtual worlds. Idk, just my thoughts. Interested to hear your opinion.
     
  17. monkmode24/7

    monkmode24/7 Fapstronaut

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    That's a really good point.. I actually haven't had much libido and to be honest haven't at all except for when masturbating to pornography or anything related to my acting out rituals. At my sex addicts meeting one of the guys in the meeting was talking about how he loses libido by looking at pornography and that is very true for me. In all honesty I have been going through a "flat line" for the past 6 years. My interest in having sex is 0 even right now I don't really care. I don't feel motivated at all to pursue it.

    Those withdrawals I feel definitely exaggerate the situation even more. In those states, libido is the last thing on my mind. The experience is more of desensitisation and anxiety/depression. Maybe you could call it a flatline. Maybe I have been experiencing it for so long, don't remember what feeling normal feels like, that I can't distinguish whether it is or not. Not really sure.
     
  18. monkmode24/7

    monkmode24/7 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks a lot man. Yeah I think it's essential for us to be as completely open as we can. To be honest when I wrote this thread I thought I was going to get a lot of backlash, people saying I'm weird as fuck, shaming me etc. To my surprise my vulnerability has actually given a lot of people hope and inspiration. And for that I am super grateful. You words make me super grateful and motivate me on my journey. Thank you and let me know if you ever need someone to talk to about your addiction, feel free to send me a message.
     
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  19. Thats true, I think either one of two things will happen, things will get so much worse it will force Psych organizations across the globe to come forward and force their govts to make stricter laws against porn/social media developer due too the brain altering effects the addiction to both have on people especially children... or parents, those against porn and those effected by porn will eventually join together to force the govts across the globe to deal with the porn industry being openly available online to youth. Based on how big the NoFap is becoming I don't see that last scenario being too far fetched in the next few years.

    I think your idea to do a doc series is a great idea since so many are dealing with the same issues of PMO me included. It really helps to hear someone who went through PMO addiction such as yourself and overcame it to motivate and inspire.

    Sites like nofap help A LOT for those like us who need the support and aid to overcome whats been painted as normal (porn/masturbation).
    The site is safe haven to avoid the mainstream garbage that treats porn stars like celebs and condones the behavior.
    sadly some of the porno stars I used to watch are either dead of HIV or living with stds yet still get glorified smh.....

    I realize so many things differently as of late.....

    hate to ramble but to answer your last question govts across the globe should have at least studied the effect the internet would have on the human psyche versus just unleashing on the public like they did 20 years back. With all the reports out now about porn and the lack of social skills people are exhibiting show they didn't care to vet the internet's effect on mentally health back 20 years ago.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 13, 2018
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  20. monkmode24/7

    monkmode24/7 Fapstronaut

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    DAY 48
    DAY 6 OF WEEK 6
    Man. What can I say. Okay a couple things. So last night I was saved. Someone called me, a friend from my sex addicts support group. A miracle. I might not have made it, weren't it not for him. On the phone, I managed to put the laptop back in the car, store my SD card; basically make it impossible for me to act out.

    It worked. These past four days I have been just a fucking emotional wreck, anxious, agitated, sad, emotionally numb, facial tension. My sponsor/mentor sent me something very triggering and I lashed out. This guy is taking his time out to help me and I was letting loose on him and then all of a sudden, maybe the most carthatic thing happened. Talking about how I was feeling, I realised how much of a fuck up I felt and that I was really scared about losing him; because one of the common themes in my life was people mentoring me letting me go because of my commitment.

    Anyway I started crying for maybe about an hour. Just balling my eyes out. For the first time ever, I reflected on my addiction emotionally and man, there is a lot of sadness and hurt there. I just had to let it go. Sadness is still in me. Looking back, I realised that I was just getting carried away with my emotions. Strangely this is starting to feel as some sort of rite of passage where I am learning what emotions are, how to deal with them. Just the reality that now I am feeling things and they are sticking for hours is more than I usually handle. To be honest I am confused. Ontop of that I am coming really to terms with how empty handed I really am. This addiction literally has left me like an apocalypse wasteland. No friends, no girlfriend, no habits, no hobbies. Before I didn't pay much attention because I was constantly relapsing and battling my conscious that I was not homosexual. But now I am really looking at myself, where my life is. There is no questions asked but I have to go out of my comfort zone and start making friends. I need to go up to chicks on the street, learning how to make friends with strangers, learning how to give to others, building social skills, doing what I love.

    Key thing I realise to is that I want to do what I love. Today I woke up more sensitive to life. Starting to notice the small things and I see why people enjoy this benefit the most. It truly makes life amazing. It's weird I feel great but also really scared about getting out of my comfort zone. I'm just going to fucking do it. I am becoming tired of this shit. At some point I gotta hit a breaking point where my need to action is greater than my fear of it. Anyway. Got a lot to figure out.
     
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