1. Welcome to NoFap! Due to spam bots, we have temporarily disabled new accounts. Please check back in a few days. In the meantime, you can join our weekly accountability groups.
    Dismiss Notice

31, single since 2008

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by John Barleycorn, Jul 3, 2019.

  1. Sup fellow Fapstonauts

    Here's my story, it's sad but true.

    The last time I was in a relationship, sexual or otherwise, I was 20 years old. And I had lost my "technical virginity" meaning with penetration when I was 17, and I only technically lost it, because when I knew I was actually going to get laid I PMO'd 11 times before she arrived. So she showed up and I was unable to maintain an erection. Which was probably the most embarrassing experience of my life. I did finish though... on myself.

    I hope this isn't considered bragging about sexual exploits.

    Anyway, I've only had one relationship outside of high school, and I experienced delayed ejaculation to where nothing happened for me, then I would get sore. Then after a while of doing that I started looking at porn before my girlfriend got there and PMOing, and then I couldn't even get it up. And eventually she left.

    I was 20 years old.

    The year I was 19 I was diagnosed with schizophrenia, I'd been diagnosed with bipolar disorder right before I turned 18. So I experienced auditory hallucinations and full psychotic episodes. And the girl I had dated had introduced me to alcohol, which became the focal point of my life. So I had problems taking my medication consistently because I wouldn't take them while I was drinking. So I never actually recovered from my illness.

    So I didn't work. I had no money, no car, no job, absolutely no way to find a respectable girl who would want to date me. For 10 years.

    Now I'm on disability and living alone for now in a semi independent housing program.

    I heard of people identifying as Asexual and that sounded about right for me. But the honest truth was I didn't want to give up my porn habit because I saw no foreseeable opportunity for a relationship, and my habit of porn was keeping me from finding one.

    But I'm doing better. First I quit drinking, then I joined NoFap, and soon I want to quit smoking (cigarettes.) I took a couple terms off online school to get myself straight and I'm doing it. If I can earn a 4 year degree I'll be able to make good money and finally start getting somewhere in life.

    Anyway, that's my story. It's amazing to have a place to say this.
    Protagonist and (deleted member) like this.
  2. LifeAdvancer

    LifeAdvancer Fapstronaut

    Off you go!
    Just try to post here on a daily basis. It helps me to keep track of what I´ve accomplished and it helps me focus on what I really want.
  3. Millenial

    Millenial Fapstronaut

    Good for you man, glad to hear you are on the up. I'm also quitting cigarettes at the moment, 2 things that have really helped me were buying a vape and a lockbox with timer.
  4. I actually have a Smok G-Priv2 that I used for a while. But I didn't like it. I'd prefer not smoke / vape anyway. Even though nicotine is a wonderful drug
  5. shamrock19

    shamrock19 Fapstronaut

    well in man! keep your mindset healthy and keep marching forward.. get a picture of the life you want to live and start carving it out! Your degree will be a key to getting you there along with beating this addiction! a great life awaits you

Share This Page