31, single since 2008

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by John Barleycorn, Jul 3, 2019.

  1. Sup fellow Fapstonauts

    Here's my story, it's sad but true.

    The last time I was in a relationship, sexual or otherwise, I was 20 years old. And I had lost my "technical virginity" meaning with penetration when I was 17, and I only technically lost it, because when I knew I was actually going to get laid I PMO'd 11 times before she arrived. So she showed up and I was unable to maintain an erection. Which was probably the most embarrassing experience of my life. I did finish though... on myself.

    I hope this isn't considered bragging about sexual exploits.

    Anyway, I've only had one relationship outside of high school, and I experienced delayed ejaculation to where nothing happened for me, then I would get sore. Then after a while of doing that I started looking at porn before my girlfriend got there and PMOing, and then I couldn't even get it up. And eventually she left.

    I was 20 years old.

    The year I was 19 I was diagnosed with schizophrenia, I'd been diagnosed with bipolar disorder right before I turned 18. So I experienced auditory hallucinations and full psychotic episodes. And the girl I had dated had introduced me to alcohol, which became the focal point of my life. So I had problems taking my medication consistently because I wouldn't take them while I was drinking. So I never actually recovered from my illness.

    So I didn't work. I had no money, no car, no job, absolutely no way to find a respectable girl who would want to date me. For 10 years.

    Now I'm on disability and living alone for now in a semi independent housing program.

    I heard of people identifying as Asexual and that sounded about right for me. But the honest truth was I didn't want to give up my porn habit because I saw no foreseeable opportunity for a relationship, and my habit of porn was keeping me from finding one.

    But I'm doing better. First I quit drinking, then I joined NoFap, and soon I want to quit smoking (cigarettes.) I took a couple terms off online school to get myself straight and I'm doing it. If I can earn a 4 year degree I'll be able to make good money and finally start getting somewhere in life.

    Anyway, that's my story. It's amazing to have a place to say this.
    Protagonist and (deleted member) like this.
  2. LifeAdvancer

    LifeAdvancer Fapstronaut

    Off you go!
    Just try to post here on a daily basis. It helps me to keep track of what I´ve accomplished and it helps me focus on what I really want.
  3. Millenial

    Millenial Fapstronaut

    Good for you man, glad to hear you are on the up. I'm also quitting cigarettes at the moment, 2 things that have really helped me were buying a vape and a lockbox with timer.
  4. I actually have a Smok G-Priv2 that I used for a while. But I didn't like it. I'd prefer not smoke / vape anyway. Even though nicotine is a wonderful drug
  5. shamrock19

    shamrock19 Fapstronaut

    well in man! keep your mindset healthy and keep marching forward.. get a picture of the life you want to live and start carving it out! Your degree will be a key to getting you there along with beating this addiction! a great life awaits you

Share This Page