32 days so what’s new?

It’s been 16 days since my last post. A lot has change so let’s get into it. As in writing this I can’t tell if it’s going to be long, just keep that in mind.

I had one “relapse” where there was no O and definitely no P. I basically edged. I’m not proud about it but I was pretty down in the few moments after I realized what I was doing and stoped completely. So I decided to move on and come to peace that it wasn’t the end of my progress but instead it was just a push to keep going even further.

it was pretty clear how fast the body recovers because the next day I full with energy and confidence. I’ve been working out more and looking at electronics A LOT less. So in return I’ve been putting a lot of muscle and been looking quite lean since I already have an ectomorph body. Ive also been changing my thinking to not compare myself to anyone physically and mentally. I am me and that’s all that matters. I was already eating very clean since that’s how I was raised so that’s been the same pretty much. We eat a lot of leafy greens, fruits, veggies, and sugar to a minimum and lucky I can’t have dairy because I’m lactose intolerant. So all of that’s is great but what about my friend down there?

Today as I am writing this about 3 hours have passed since I woke up. And for the very first time I had some morning wood, it wasn’t %100 but it was “up” though it went away soon after I stood up. Maybe like 2 minutes or so. But I have been waking up more in the middle of the night with an erection that even one time was hurting because of how tense it was. In fact that was actually the very first time I had a “normal” erection. You know the kind where you are not clenching anything and it was just there. That felt very powerful but I has not happened again. And with that my head keeps thinking and thinking. And it’s filled with doubt, and anger. To whether I can be one of the guys who has erections with out any other need voluntary muscles-no clenching. I don’t know if this self doubt is normal but I just feel a bit down since I’ve never had sex successfully where my penis just responded naturally and sometimes I feel like something is wrong with me. I know that this journey is not all about you penis and more about changing yourself for the best. But it wouldn’t hurt to know that I can have an erection like the guys next to me and feel a bit more normal. I will keep writing, but not till a few weeks so I have more to share with you guys. If you’re story is similar to mine and you have overcome this, please message me. I want to find someone similar to me. Stay safe out there guys ! Thank you for reading