32 year old virgin needs help

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Spitfirewho, Feb 7, 2018.

  1. Spitfirewho

    Spitfirewho Fapstronaut

    Hey guys, just thought I would give an update on my second date with the woman from before, Amber. I detailed more on my journal so I will just put the short version here.

    The short version is the date went well, got physical and I failed to maintain an erection. I honestly failed to understand the depth of my addiction and that reality came crashing down on me tonight. The one thing I spent a lifetime worrying would happen, happened, I could not perform. But the one thing reality had that my fears did not is Amber. After it became clear that I was not going to perform I came clean about several things, one of which being nofap and my porn addiction. She understood perfectly, she did not have to understand, but she did and after some talking she simply told me she was not going anywhere. My problem did not scare her and even after she went home for the night she began researching nofap and porn addiction as we texted each other talking about the night. She was okay with me being a virgin, my scars, my addiction, my problems. So as I said in my journal I am now more dedicated to nofap than ever and with the help of others I want to go forward stronger than ever. Honestly I don't even know if I am still a virgin or not anymore, not sure i care. We did other things, I was there for her more than she anticipated and that was lot of fun and I am glad I could do things for her. I don't think I thought the ED or PIED part would affect me once I had a naked girlnin front of me, but it did and it sucked but I won't let it bother me moving forward. Anyway I would enjoy any comments, advice or other. Thanks.
     
  2. a lot of guys lose their erection with woman , it really is not uncommon. it happened to me couple of times. i would suggest to not make a big deal of it in front of her but thats your choice so. thats why all the guys dating with tinder and having lots of sexual partners use v iagra(would not recommend that) because it happens a lot when you are with somebody new. its performance anxiety most of the times. i even would not be sure its only because of your porn addiction , i dont know. it is just very very common to lose erection when nervous. just get to know her , do other things. also sexually, do other things , massage her , get relaxed. Also start a meditation practice. becoming a good lover takes practice and we are human beings not robots or fake porn stars. it probably will happen again; maybe not, just dont make a big deal out of it. make her orgasm . exercise and meditate and eat healthy and thats it .you cant do a lot more. it will go away this fear and nerves. I dont think its only because you watched so much porn, but thats just my opinion, most of time its performance anxiety. good luck
     
    vineyard likes this.
  3. JustinX

    JustinX Fapstronaut

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    Welcome in da club. Happended to me too. I dont know if you have so close friend to talk about this vurnerable stuff like ED, but I have and I had talked with them and 100% of them (I talk about it with 8 guys in total) have or had similar problems (at least once). So it is definitely more widespread than you think.
     
  4. Spitfirewho

    Spitfirewho Fapstronaut

    It was just kind of a shocker that I could not keep it up. Worse was I did not want her to feel it was because of her and while she tried her best it became clear nothing was going to happen. I was very nervous and in my damn head a lot. We talked about it and she was more than understanding. Instead I made her come 3 times (yes I know for sure she was not faking lol) and we still had a lot of fun.

    I don't have anyone really to talk to but I did talk with her about it and she was unphased and not afraid to take our time until it happened later. She went home and did a lot of ED research (she works in the medical field) and does not care how long it takes to make everything work in bed.
     
  5. The Wrestler

    The Wrestler Fapstronaut

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    Just make sure it's a solid table.
    Pretty cool to be accepted for who you are, eh?
     
  6. Spitfirewho

    Spitfirewho Fapstronaut

    Yeah I did not expect that part. She sweetly just kept trying to calm me down since i was shaking with embarrassment and telling me she was not going anywhere.
     
  7. sounds like you got a keeper JUST RELAX she is not making it a big deal so you shouldn't
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  8. oh and it just goes to show you women that like you as you are hang around you don't have to be someone else
     
  9. vineyard

    vineyard Fapstronaut

    @Spitfirewho, I just read whole thread and you are my hero.

    I am so impressed by your courage and honesty in telling your girlfriend about your addiction after ED happened. I am personally ages before I would have courage to come clean like this. I am also impressed I Amber’s reaction, lucky guy! I think you are in the great place in your recovery and your life when your first steps in dating and sex start in such a healthy and honest way.
     
  10. Spitfirewho

    Spitfirewho Fapstronaut

    Hey thank you my friend. Honestly I thought it would be a while before I talked about my addiction with her, but there I was shaking, unable to perform and I was more worried she was going to think it was her fault or I did not like her. We both shared a lot of personal stuff in that moment, my addiction being only a small part. It scared the shit out of me and still kinda does but it has been amazing so far. Even after our second attempt at having sex when I still could not perform she simply said "well we just have to keep on trying hunny."

    Good luck to you my friend and keep your head up with your own progress.
     
    vineyard likes this.
  11. dean1

    dean1 New Fapstronaut

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    I would suggest going to foreign city and doing random bullshit, not giving a damn. Either alone or with a friend who challanges you. If by chance or deliberately you find yourelf in Prague, I would go with you ;-)
    Little inspiration:
    If by chance or deliberately you find yourelf in Prague, I would go with you ;-)
     
    Deleted Account likes this.

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