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Discussion in 'Accountability Partners' started by persona2903, Nov 13, 2019.
Thank you very much!
Congrats to @nonfap & @jw2021
Thank you all so much! It is hard to believe it has been this long. Life is so much better without PM in my life. I am going to jump over and do a post in the success story section. It has been years since it has been this long. It means so much to me to have you guys in my journey. I want you all to know that I pray for you all and I am cheering for your recovery!
Here is the post I made in success stories if anyone wants to see more of my story.
Just checking in. Today is day 31 for me. I am still taking in this feeling of being a free man. The last few years I have had a lot of problems with anxiety. I have noticed that my anxiety level has dropped significantly. Things with my wife are better than they have ever been. Quitting was tough but it was so worth it! I feel better now than I have felt in years.
I have read the rules and would like to join this group. Please let me know if I can join.... 37 years old and have set a no-PMO for 30 days as my initial quest.
I want to be accountable here. I did have an incident. I don't know how to explain it but I didn't look at P and maybe I did borderline MO. I don't know. But my counter is only for P. I'll put more details in my journal. I'm still on track overall but it is no longer hard or monk mode.
Overall, on one hand I have to be glad for the progress I've made overall. But on the other hand I know I have so far to go in so many areas.
So I'm glad today, but I also need to cautiously reflect about where I'm at overall and make sure I continue to move in the right direction and not backwards.
I have not looked at P, so I still need to make my short term goal past 40 days ( and beyond).
"I have read the rules and would like to join this group"
33 years old. I just went 13 days no pmo; and 16 days no p, relapsing today after the effects of parting ways with a special woman I was seeing became too painful. No excuse, just where I'm at. Noticed that after 10 days I really started to feel "embodied" and with the benefits of feeling embodied, and powerful, more focused, more attractive and naturally attracted to women without "going into my head". This also brought a lot of emotions and anxieties to look at and heal. Here because I would like to get more serious about going through a reboot and improving my nofap game/ semen retention and getting through a flatline. I want a certain type of relationship and this feels necessary.
I had posted back on Oct 13 when I started this streak. In this short time of 2 weeks, I did feel like an entirely different person. Embodied. more confident. More muscular. Again, more attractive. I ended up being intimate with a woman who I really liked, whereas before this streak we were just spending time hanging out. So some real positives and things that are really important to me. And, knowing I liked this woman had also made it a lot easier to stay on target for a streak. We ended up cuddling and spooning for a night and not having sex, very long story, which the horniness that came out of that 8 hrs of cuddling is what I think led to me eventually fuck up. My mind was kinda going crazy and on the third day after sleeping next to her I slipped in the shower.
The challenge is, I think there's a reason I'm dealing with this addiction, in my 30's. And, that's I've been through a fuck lot of family trauma growing up, and into adulthood, as well as multiple times of sexual assault trauma. And, some really, really difficult emotions, quite a lot of anger, rage, shame, anxiety, etc are built up in my system. These started arising probably around day 10 — simultaneously, while I was feeling better and embodied and confident. I think, porn knocks me out of my body so I can avoid these feelings, because tbh I don't actually know how to heal them or wtf to do with them. I just feel them over and over and over and over. Nothing's really worked yet. Therapy, meditation, journaling, etc. if this weren't the case, it would be quite easy to quit the addiction.
So, this also brought up the awareness that I need to learn how to deal with some emotional challenges. And, intimacy feels unsafe, is another big one. When I am in an intimate relationship, my desire to use p usually fades. That said, libido will still be weak and so I'm here trying to make a shift : ).
"I have read the rules and would like to join this group". I am 34 years old though, and hoping that is not going to be a problem. I am active and committed to removing this sickness from my life for good. My badge should be set up appropriately, as asked. Thank you in advance.
I slipped over the weekend. My wife got new tech and gave it to me. It had access. I chose to use and it felt good. I immediately told her about the tech and returned it.
I’m going to be honest. I miss my webcam women. I see them over videos and my mind acts like I get to know them and they reveal themselves to me. This sensation of pseudo intimacy, fake intimacy and getting to know them is part of my template. Porn always had very little appeal to me. It was the looks AND personality and sense of knowing a person that got me excited.
I know the fantasy is an illusion. I would fantasize about women and female peers when I was a child. I always cherish the fantasy more than the actual act of intimacy or sex.
It’s so not real and I just watch videos of these women and they never talk back, but I smile imagining getting to know them through the videos.
Hi @Presence108 , remember that you must to activate your counter. It's a condition of our groups!
There has been a lot of temptation the last couple days. I generally don't watch tv but we had a dinner and movie at our house and the movie we watched showed a lot of skin. Also, I have been out in public a lot more than usual the last couple days and noticed people who were not covered up very well. I realized that my brain is wired to MO after seeing these things. I thought about it a couple times but chose to save that energy for my wife.
In summary, I've realized temptation is a part of life. You see things in public, you encounter nudity online(which I have on my journey), on social media(Also seen on my journey), etc. With this conclusion, I am working to change the way I look at it. As a child when I was exposed to P I didn't MO. I didn't even know what that was at the time. I believe over time, my brain will rewire and I believe this fact of the world we live in will bother me less and less.
Stay strong, bro!
Welcome @MountainCross90 to the accountability group, thank you for the brief summary of your current status! You are already included in the ranking of post # 1
Hello @a pink elephant , we welcome you to the group! It is our custom that those who join the group tell us something about themselves and their fight against PM.
You are already included in the ranking of post # 1
Congrats @RightEffort , you have once again entered the "90 Day Hall of Achievement"!!
Hey @Paf-On ... you start to see the light!! Bravo!
Just a quick intro about myself since I just discovered your community online and I've been unsuccessfully trying to break the porn watching obsession since many years now.
I'm a 37 year old male, have been educated in Ivy League schools for my bachelor's and master's degree and well travelled across the world. I discovered masturbation almost by accident as a child and used to pleasure myself and had guilt about it from the very start (for some weird reason I got feelings of guilt after orgasm even as a teen). First came across porn in novels and magazines as a 15 year old but didn't really get hooked on until I started watching porn pics on the internet as an 18 year old fresh in college. I had few interactions with the opposite sex and didn't really date any girls until I was a freshman.
I remember wasting entire nights in the college dorm just staring at porn pics during the early days of the Web (early 2000's) and then the high-speed internet came which made access to live cams, streaming and porn sites even easier. I've been hooked onto them since then and need to look at porn to masturbate from 2005. It's a bad habit that I have been trying to break due to shame and guilt surrounding my use of porn but I met a lot of young women who did not discourage it (they even considered fapping and mutual masturbation as a healthy practice!)
Anyway, that's how it all got started and here I am like 15 years later still trying to get away from the grips of porn and porn addiction. I have been a very heavy user of it on a daily basis in the last 6 years and really need a safe community to support me and help me personally on my journey to break free of this habit. I hope I can find the right people, support and community here at NoFap.
Your journey is very similar to mine. I look forward to seeing you continue to heal.