35 and older accountability, Group 2

Discussion in 'Accountability Partners' started by persona2903, Nov 13, 2019.

  1. InnerMan

    InnerMan Fapstronaut

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    Hello! Sweet sash! Thanks for the nudge @persona2903 !

    Well, here are my top 3 secrets with quotes from smart people to back it up:

    1) Invest a lot of upfront time focusing on developing strong intent to beat this addiction. Setting intent is not an occasional act, but a repeated, daily act, only then will it be powerful enough to serve you in this journey.

    "Excellence is never an accident. It is always the result of high intention, sincere effort, and intelligent execution." Aristotle.

    "Stop looking for happiness in the same place you lose it." Don't know who said this but it makes me think of PMO; porn takes from us precisely the thing we try to have by using it: fulfillment. Therefore, intent emerges from the understanding of just how corrosive PMO is to our being and to our relationships.

    2) Don't think of your addiction as a problem. Think of it as an opportunity. Your present evils and weaknesses are potentially the seeds of your future virtues and strengths. Urges are also energies that can be redirected to serve the good. This subtle shift in outlook can make an enormous difference.

    "The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way." Marcus Aurelius

    3) Build a more meaningful life. Uprooting evil is only half the battle, the other half is actually cultivating a life worth living. In part, this is about spending more time doing things that will make you forget to check your screens, and that in turn will reduce risk of triggers.

    "Fill your life with adventures, not things. Have stories to tell, not stuff to show." Anonymous.

    And quite frankly I don't think amazing adventures are going to happen any time soon when we dissipate our energies PMO'ing.

    Hope everyone is well! Keep fighting the good fight brothers it's well worth it. My quality of life has SIGNIFICANTLY improved because of the advances made against my lust. The work is not done yet, I can always relapse and I still seek validation from women, but to the degree I have let go, to that degree I'm happy.

    Over and out.

    Inner Man
     
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  2. jw2021

    jw2021 Fapstronaut

    Thanks for sharing this great and valuable wisdom!
     
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  3. ANewFocus

    ANewFocus Fapstronaut

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    Check-in. My wife was gone for a week and I used soft core stuff that I shouldn’t have used. I honestly don’t feel that guilty about it. It wasn’t ideal, but it’s also not craving for the hardcore and camming that I usually crave.

    The strangest incident happened while on vacation with my family. I ran into a porn model that I have watched. I recognize her by the face immediately. Checked her profile (I never done this before) and sure enough she was in the same city as me. It was her. Her face was the same, but her body looked nothing like her. I looked at professional photos of her and couldn’t believe how much the angles, lighting, editing made all of her features look bigger and more robust. It made her look bigger too, but physically she was attract, but nowhere near what her images portray. I’ve had similar things done with makeup on/makeup off with women, but never for the whole body like this. While I was there I wanted to introduce myself and say I’m a fan of her work, but with wife and parents there, not appropriate. I could have done it without them knowing, but still to go back to them and face them, I couldn’t do. This thought just shows how sick and delusional I am in the moment.
     
  4. things are well. I may be going through an un-coupling process with my current partner. After much patience and consideration, I am coming to realize we are not the right fit together and while i have total love and appreciation for her and love to keep her as a friend, I feel we may not be the best romantic partner together. with the grace of god, my heart is at peace though sad to a measure.

    On a sexual note, I ejaculated during sex two days in a row after 3 weeks, i felt the total drop in energy and lack of inner joy and feeling of agitation towards her. I am feeling ejaculation specially frequent one is a major cause of turmoil in relationships as it makes me feel more like an animal than a spiritual being having a human experience.
     
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  5. persona2903

    persona2903 Fapstronaut

    Thank you very much! Wonderfull tips!
     
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  6. nonfap

    nonfap Fapstronaut

    Checking In.

    I've been very busy and not online much, not alone much also. But that should change now.

    I am so happy to say at this point I feel like I'm finally rebooted. I know that I could still fall back into P and PMO and because of that I need to be careful. But I believe my default behavior has changed in my brain and is not in the PMO addiction cycle currently.

    I don't know how the future will go. If and how there will be urges.

    I believe the focus on higher levels of dopamine from non sexual non P and non M or MO sources is the main thing. I also note that I have not had an O or MO all this year 2022. In some ways that sounds amazing and even crazy to me but I'm glad because I'm single. I would prefer not to MO but I have not been able to get away from it as well as P for so many years. I feel not having O is significant also because O is the largest source of sexual dopamine from what I understand. I don't know how things will go when I eventually get married and start having O with my wife (hopefully that will happen).

    I feel this path and routines I've established are sustainable. I have even deviated somewhat from my routines due to a vacation/trip. That is almost over and I will try to reestablish my daily routines more completely than I have kept them on this trip.

    Wow, I'm so glad to report this. I still have not written my monthly report for April 2022 but I should be able to now. It may be a bit out of date now but I will write it anyway.
     
    Last edited: May 22, 2022
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  7. ANewFocus

    ANewFocus Fapstronaut

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    You really are an inspiration. Can you share more details on what has helped you most and what hasn’t worked?
     
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  8. nonfap

    nonfap Fapstronaut

    Thanks. I believe many things have helped but maybe the two main things are ...

    1. Consuming foods/beverages that will increase dopamine levels. Like good quality green tea (I use loose leaf shaded like Kabusecha from Japan, but I think I will go to a non shaded, like Sencha. I don't know if this will help everyone. I believe this is helping me. It has L theanine which I heard is a pre cursor molicule to dopamine. I use one tea spoon and I brew one cup once with ~170 F water for about 2 minutes, then another cup with the same leaves at about 185 F water for another 2+ minutes then another brew with the same leaves at about 200 F for 5 to 30 minutes. So normally I'll drink 2 to 3 cups per day in the morning first thing. No sugar, but I use monk fruit or stevia sweetener.

    2. Exercise at the gym regularly. Although I haven't been to the gym in about 3 to 4 weeks currently but I will go back soon. Doing a somewhat exhausting workout 2 to 4 times per week I believe helps provide a good healthy dopamine source and other health benefits. I admit, I'm very fortunate to have a friend who goes every day for many years and wants me to go with him. Otherwise, I probably would not get much exercise at all due to lack of motivation and self discipline.

    The main thing that hasn't helped is O or MO.

    I believe this is because the biggest flood/spike of dopamine we get is from O. This is at the core of the PMO addiction and reboot. I believe during PMO addiction our brains are wired to push us into P and MO because this gives us a lot of dopamine and it is a reinforcing cycle, so our brains learn again and again, this is best way to get dopamine.

    During reboot we must starve the brain of this source of dopamine (P and MO) and then provide an alternative healthy source of dopamine, (Like 1 and 2 mentioned above but there are other healthy sources). During a successful reboot our brain will learn that to get dopamine the best/easiest way is the healthy source we provide. After 90+ days or so, our brains will have learned that the new healthy source of dopamine is the best/easiest way and the PMO addiction cycle is broken.

    Also I should note my own observations about myself. I still do have urges and thoughts/fantasies sometimes. But I don't really have urges for P it is really that I have urges for something real or some fantasy in my mind. The PMO is actually like a simulated real experience. Our brains are somewhat tricked to think it is real experience in reality.

    So in the regard to urges, I have urges for something real. My brain does not really see P as real. I believe it would if I were to seek out P and have a binge and it's like we get so focused on P because we are trying to make it feel like it's real and we are so focused and zoned in on it.

    I can remember the feeling now. I get so zoned in on it during a binge. Then the next day or soon after, I'm back to reality and I realized I've failed again and many times I felt horrible.

    I know this is a long answer but for a long time I wondered "is MO ok?" I thought not but I didn't have a solid and consistent larger source of healthy dopamine so my brain would always push me back to MO (because O is one of the largest sources). Then if I would MO, eventually I would go back to P and PMO and binging/edging.

    Now I have a sufficient healthy source of dopamine as an alternative so I'm not pushed to MO (I have not had O or MO all this year 2022, it seems unbelievable).

    I now think that during reboot everyone should probably avoid O completely. Then only introduce it back carefully (I don't have a woman in my life so I will probably go without O for a long while).

    My theory for those that have a woman, is that she needs to be your only source of O. Never have O without her, ever. This will wire your brain to associate her with O and will promote a healthy relationship with her and not an unhealthy relationship with P and PMO addiction. I would also try to use non sexual healthy sources of dopamine as much as possible. But in terms of O, my theory is never have O without the woman in your life, if your goal is to have a good relationship with one woman.

    I don't know. This is where I am. I have no woman currently but I do want one and I wonder if I will run into trouble when/if I have one and have O with her.

    I hope this all makes sense and helps. Normally I would only go on and on like this in my journal but I have been busy lately and I haven't been able to post much at all.

    Again I hope this helps. (and I do need to write more in my journal and I still need to write a monthly report for April 2022, I'm behind now)
     
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  9. ANewFocus

    ANewFocus Fapstronaut

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    Thank you so much for this. I’ll add green tea into my diet.

    I already do the exercise part and it helps, but by using PMO with exercise, my brain I think has normalized that level of dopamine.

    I think if you continue on this NoFap path and avoid PMO until you find your partner, your brain will be rewired to not immediately go back to PMO. But you’ll need NoFap to remind you to stay vigilant. This is based on my experience in SAA, AA and the 11 month streak I had at one point.

    Thank you for sharing your success. We need to hear the positive things and we also need to share them. When we share things that help, we remind ourselves they are tools in our toolbox and we are less likely to forget them when life gets out of balance or a struggle confronts us.
     
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  10. nonfap

    nonfap Fapstronaut

    Yes I believe this has helped. In fact I haven't had any green tea for almost 72 hours and I feel my urge level increasing.

    Also, I believe the kind I mentioned above has a lot of the L theanine. I wanted to try going to a lower amount so I started using just regular bag green tea for a while also (still good quality). I think most green tea has enough maybe, but it also depends how you brew it (like I mentioned above) and consume it. I've heard to consume green tea with lemon juice to increase absorption (but then I often wait until the green tea is cooler not to damage the other good things in lemon juice like vitamin c).

    I began trying this out when... one day after a workout I drank a vitamin water and it said it had "l theanine" in it. After the work out and drink, I was resting at home and I noticed that I felt very good. Also that the feeling was basically the same as some times after I had a PMO binge, I would feel very good. It was the same feeling as after a PMO binge or PMO but before the guilt and shame feelings. I was very surprised it was the same feeling of calm and relaxation and well being.

    Then I began to research the connect and found that "l theanine" is a precursor to dopamine. I also looked and found green tea was a good source of natural "l theanine" .

    So far it does seem to have an overall affect for me, in my case. I believe it definitely helps reduce or eliminate strong urges. And right now, since I haven't had it for 48+ hours (maybe). I'm looking for dopamine and I would drink green tea but it is late and I won't drink it until the morning. Though I almost crave it.
     
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  11. persona2903

    persona2903 Fapstronaut

    Excellent! Thank you very much!
     
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  12. Icewarrior

    Icewarrior Fapstronaut

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    I’ve read the rules and would like to join this one if the first group is full.
     
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  13. Emzed

    Emzed Fapstronaut

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    I have read the rules and would like to join this group.
     
  14. Aquiantedwithsorrow

    Aquiantedwithsorrow Fapstronaut

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    If anyone wants an accountability partner I'm available. Send me a message
     
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  15. ANewFocus

    ANewFocus Fapstronaut

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    Good to see some excited new folks. It’s been quiet here and we can really use active contributors. This is a great group when we’re all sharing.

    I’m also available as an accountability partner. Though I do believe in asking direct questions and sometimes that’s too tough for people.
     
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  16. persona2903

    persona2903 Fapstronaut

    Hi @Icewarrior !!
    It is a condition to enter the group to activate the day counter. In post 13 it is explained how it is done...
     
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  17. persona2903

    persona2903 Fapstronaut

    Hello! You will be added to the group shortly!
     
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  18. jw2021

    jw2021 Fapstronaut

    It is great to see some new members coming aboard!
     
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  19. Aquiantedwithsorrow

    Aquiantedwithsorrow Fapstronaut

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    Please add me to the group.
     
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  20. Icewarrior

    Icewarrior Fapstronaut

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    Thanks, I’ll get on to it.
     
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