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35 and older accountability, Group 2

Discussion in 'Accountability Partners' started by persona2903, Nov 13, 2019.

  1. Icewarrior

    Icewarrior Fapstronaut

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    It’s finally getting through my thick skull that meditation, prayer, retention, exercise, research etc.etc. are more like supports for the main business of living as much as possible throughout the day in reality instead of in dreamland. How much I want to escape from “reality “ but has all that escaping brought me peace of mind? No.
     
  2. hyperk

    hyperk Fapstronaut

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    Hi every one!
    I'm 36, married, no kids. And I've been struggling with this addiction for around 15 years.
    To be honest for me it's more of a harmful bad habit than an addiction. When compared to some of the reports I've read on this forum, my habit is not very harmful to my life, yet is still causing me trouble and is something I want to change.

    I would say that my biggest difficulty is that I do 75% of my work remotely from my home, which means I spend a lot of time alone, and usually I tend to slip when I get bored or frustrated with my work.
    The pandemic has put a lot of strain on my business and personal life, I've been very stressed and frustrated during the last two years, I've been feeling down and with very little motivation, and it has aggravated my porn habit. It's time to make some positive changes.

    Lately I've started exercising a lot, and when I fell triggered I'll just go out and go for a run, it's helping me a lot with breaking the habit.
    One thing that has made a huge difference for me was reading the book "Atomic Habits" by James Clear. It's a great book about habits, how to implement new habits, and, most importantly for us here, how to break bad habits!
    Today is my 8th day clean, which is my best streak since 2019 :)
     
  3. nonfap

    nonfap Fapstronaut

    Checking in.

    And here is my monthly report for June 2022...

     
    Cremuel, persona2903 and jw2021 like this.
  4. ANewFocus

    ANewFocus Fapstronaut

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    I relate to this a lot. Welcome.

    My check in: This weekend was difficult. Lots of eating out with parents and whenever I eat healthy, I feel like crap and want to fap.

    I did most of the activities this weekend that I committed to, but they weren’t enough to stop me. I didn’t do oil change or haircut. Haircut I tried but many places were closed because of the holiday.

    I feel bleh after this weekend and not really rested. I’m kind of bummed about the weekend being over, not being productive, not finding much enjoyment besides food and fapping.
     
  5. persona2903

    persona2903 Fapstronaut

    It was a big challenge, I'm sorry you couldn't meet all the goals you had set for yourself for those days.
    We cannot change the past, but this past must not determine our future. You are back on the run and finally this addictive habit will be defeated. Focus on the good, the useful, the motivating!
    Greetings and encouragement to keep going!
     
    Icewarrior, ANewFocus and jw2021 like this.
  6. persona2903

    persona2903 Fapstronaut

    Thank you for your sincerity and for everything you tell us.
    Congratulations on your clean days!
     
    hyperk and jw2021 like this.
  7. hyperk

    hyperk Fapstronaut

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    Thank you so much for the kind words!

    Checking in:
    The last four days have been quite difficult and I ended up slipping yesterday.
    Work has been pretty stressful and to make things worse last Thursday I hurt my knee and haven't been able to go running which was helping me a lot. I guess the lesson here is that I need to find more ways too keep me from giving in to the urges.

    On the bight side, I made it to ten days which is good considering it's my best in more than two years.
     
  8. persona2903

    persona2903 Fapstronaut

    Go ahead, these 10 days are a big step of many good steps to come.
    I hope your knee gets better.
    Greetings and forward to victory!
     
    jw2021 and ANewFocus like this.
  9. ANewFocus

    ANewFocus Fapstronaut

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    Go for 11 days now. That is really great progress. Sorry about your knee. I’ve been trying to do more spiritual and recovery reading. I do my best when that’s one of my strongest hobbies. It’s not the most exciting, but it fills me up in a different way.
     
    persona2903 and jw2021 like this.
  10. ANewFocus

    ANewFocus Fapstronaut

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    I have two days clean now. Both these days I have been doing recovery work in the evening to try ground myself and not try to fill my life with other things like PMO and videogames. I was thinking recently about how I don’t have any hobby that excites me right now and I wanted to get into collecting sports cards. But then I realized it would just be chasing another escape like I’ve done with PMO, work, food and electronics. All these roads eventually get boring and I’m left with PMO, food and shame about being an overweight, soon-to-be middle-aged sex addict unable to stay hard.
     
    Cremuel, persona2903 and jw2021 like this.
  11. persona2903

    persona2903 Fapstronaut

    Perhaps you could think of a project to help others, or join an existing initiative? Apart from being very comforting on a personal level, you will be helping other people improve their standard of living.
    I like this biblical passage that assures that there is blessing in generosity:
    "By this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’" Acts 20:35
    Have a good day @ANewFocus !!
     
    Icewarrior and jw2021 like this.
  12. ANewFocus

    ANewFocus Fapstronaut

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    That’s exactly what I’m thinking about doing. I mentored youths in the community for several years and stopped a few years ago. I’m going to pick that up again, but waiting again to get re-vetted for the project. That was some of the happiest times of my life.
     
    Cremuel, persona2903 and jw2021 like this.
  13. ANewFocus

    ANewFocus Fapstronaut

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    The last few days have been good. I’ve been relaxing, watching TV and staying away from PC where I do most of my PMO. I’m trying to just chill in the everyday of things: not stretch and stress myself at work, not run the everyday by obsessing about work/PMO/new toys. I did overeat and buy dessert last night. I need to not do that tonight. I also need to be honest that I’ve been lurking more on social media and can see myself seeking a little hit from photos.

    Tonight is a game night with my friends and it’s on PC, so need to be careful not to linger on PC when it’s done and act out. I need to check my feelings and emotions first and be deliberate about my activities.

    Right now I have 72 hours clean and I’ve been living alone for that period. That’s a big accomplishment for me. Want to get to 96 tomorrow.
     
    Cremuel, persona2903 and jw2021 like this.
  14. persona2903

    persona2903 Fapstronaut

    Excellent project!
     
    ANewFocus and jw2021 like this.
  15. ANewFocus

    ANewFocus Fapstronaut

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    Made it to 100 hours, now need to get through tonight and my wife is back in morning.
     
    persona2903, Icewarrior and jw2021 like this.
  16. mygoalis90days

    mygoalis90days Fapstronaut

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    "I have read the rules and would like to join this group"

    This is my first time here. I’m on day one. I have never used an accountability thing like this.

    basically, I was exposed to pornography at age 5 and showed signs of addiction by age 11. Then came the Internet. I don’t think I’ve ever made it past 60 days. So, here we go…
     
    Icewarrior, jw2021 and ANewFocus like this.
  17. mygoalis90days

    mygoalis90days Fapstronaut

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    Checking in. I cleared day 1. it was hard to fall asleep. Instead of laying in bed bored (trigger) I got up around midnight and fetched binoculars to look at the stars for 15 minutes. Then I fell asleep pretty quick. Now heading to gym. Which is not the easiest place for me to think cleanly.

    To anyone reading this, best wishes for today!
     
    Icewarrior, jw2021 and ANewFocus like this.
  18. mygoalis90days

    mygoalis90days Fapstronaut

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    Cleared day 2. My biggest trigger seems to be bored browsing of the Internet late in the evening. So, last night, I went to sleep earlier listening to an audiobook. That keeps the phone out of my hands. Stephen Fry’s Mythos. Pretty entertaining.
     
    Icewarrior, jw2021 and ANewFocus like this.
  19. ANewFocus

    ANewFocus Fapstronaut

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    I haven’t had much positive news to share in a long time in this group. Right now, I have 7 days/168 hours, which isn’t a lot. I’ve had 7 days probably plenty of times in the last few years, but it was due to other factors like vacation and not having a way to use PMO, or escaping the house to avoid temptation of the computer. This week felt different and it’s a more sustainability blueprint:
    • Felt my feelings and when negative feelings arose or a temptation came, I left the computer
    • I tightened my filters and that makes it even harder to get access, which means I have to be even more intention about doing it.
    • I shared my PMO status with my wife during our weekly communications as extra accountability. This is also helpful because I can ask for help to tighten filters. It’s easier than making a random request and dealing with shame around that.
    • Whenever I was bored, I watched safe TV and sat with the boredom. I didn’t try to escape for something extra pleasurable. I did go get ice cream a few times, but that is the much lesser of my evils compared to PMO.
    • I’ve been intentional about slowing down my day. It might be more boring and less productive, but it gives me mental space to be present for my feelings. This has helped me be more mindful of my feelings, actions and my purpose: staying sober from PMO and being a loving, kind person.
    • Less time chatting with friends on discord
    • More stretching and flexibility work, less exercise. Doing less exercise as a means to slow down.
    • Went back to SAA meetings and feeling connected with brothers there
    • Doing recovery work in morning and night. This is possible because I’m not filling my evenings with entertainment activities.
    Happy to have 168 hours free from porn and masturbation. Going for 192 now.
     
    Cremuel, Icewarrior, jw2021 and 2 others like this.
  20. mygoalis90days

    mygoalis90days Fapstronaut

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    Very encouraging to read, @ANewFocus . I knew I was going to be home alone for a long time yesterday, so I did something unusual and invited some people I recently met over for dinner. We had a very nice time and it filled up hours that I would have been bored and lonely.

    The urge came on really strong when I was going to sleep, not because of anything I have been watching or thinking about. thankfully, I resisted. Three days clean for PMO is, sadly, a pretty good streak for me. But your progress inspires me to hold fast.
     

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