35 and older accountability, Group 2

This is an interesting thread. It makes me wonder: if we have these out-of-control feelings, and we act out because of them, then what can we do about them? My main experience with this has been with 12 step programs for other issues and addictions (10 years sober). The wisdom over there seems to suggest that for many of these things only a spiritual solution can help. It also seems to have worked for me as well. I feel like I can focus on this PM addiction today because I have tools for how to deal with the fear, the anger, the self pity, and the loneliness. But for me, the problem still seems to be that old habits die hard, and I'm just so used to doing it for any reason whatsoever. I feel like just having some "time" without it will give me the chance to adapt and to learn to use the tools at my disposal. Where I'm at right now (at 50ish) days is the longest I've ever gone without PM in my entire life that I can remember, at least since I started at around four or five. Thanks all for such honest and helpful shares.

 

I got into 12 Steps for sex addiction, but then realized I couldn’t make any progress in that until I quit drinking. I quit drinking easily once I hit a bottom, the time as I was working it for sex addiction. PMO has been much harder because like food, I can’t simply avoid it.

The 12 Steps requires us to admit we’re powerless. I’ve heard that the U.S. legal system requires people to admit they have control and can control their behaviors, otherwise it doesn’t make sense to release them.

Still figuring out what I believe, but damn do I feel powerless and act like I have power a lot.

 

Just dropping in to let everyone know I am ok. I’ve been really busy at work and with church events. I plan to be posting more soon.

 

Hello, I'm checking in.

I had an MO, then I had about 1 week with no urges and everything seemed good. Then I had a P sub and MO and then two more MO...

Now I'm feeling bad. I think I may be feeling bad and anxious for other reasons.

I'm glad I'm not where I was last year but I need to do better.

I need to write more in my journal.

 

Been struggling guys. I spent hours today trying to PMO, but my filters are so strong, I couldn't get good enough stuff. What a tragic comedy.

I have some upcoming job interviews and a lot of projects being reviewed this week. Those situations are a big trigger for me to avoid them. I'm afraid to pour more time into them. It just occurred to me that this has been a pattern for me throughout my entire life.

I sabotage myself from doing great work and just settle for doing good work. At least if I do "good work" then I don't have to face the judgement of doing my best, putting in the extra effort and then not having it be enough for others. Then I will know I'm truly ordinary and it'll be other people telling me. This way I make the decision and can say "oh, if only I'd tried harder, I could have done it."

Being rejected is the #1 most painful fear that I try to avoid. I used to PMO before I was supposed to see girls that liked me because I could avoid the intimacy.

 

Sorry brothers I have not been as active and regular and just now I re-read the rules that the initial agreement was once a week check-in.

I will intend to show up weekly and contribute more. If I am unable to do it I would like to know if possible to keep the agreement to once a month.

Thank you

@persona2903

My current update.

I am doing well overall. last night was at an event that involved free alcohol and I chose to have 1 drink and 1 cigarette.

I know the pattern of the toxins where they slip in so gently but in my experience, without making those toxins into evil I am choosing to not include them in my life.

Practicing nonejaculation in my sex life, and I feel this feels best. Also practicing avoiding seeking pleasure and letting it happen and when it does enjoy it without emotionalizing and attachment.

New commitment to avoid alcohol, cigarette or ejaculation for the rest of this year. If I do slip back I will come and admit my fault and will try again but I am fully intending to remain true to this intention out of my love and honor for the inner peace I have found through the Grace of God.

My current practice is going strong, mornings rising at 3 Am and reading and prayer life is strong, tracking it daily and I feel a deep peace in my life. Every area of life is evolving and greater inner peace is experienced.

 

Thank you!

 

Your signature has no smoking as #4. Just pointing that out for your awareness only.

 

lol funny i just noticed that myself

 

Nice Progress bro glad to see your getting your foot step under the grace of God. no weapon formed against you shall prosper.

 

Just checking in. Tomorrow, I'll have 70 days, and the urges seem to be declining. Your posts here continue to motivate me. I especially like the honesty of all the check-ins.

@nonfap and @ANewFocus: Keep busy. Keep doing the next right thing. Keep coming around for support.

Thanks everyone for sharing your inspiring struggles with this. Keep it up everyone.

Also: Here's my journal update for anyone interested...

 

I'll give a update too. I have been a part of this site for nearly a year. I have had some resets and only a few days on the counter. I have learned so much about myself and my resolve to quit is greater than ever. I'm pressing on!