35 and older accountability, Group 2

Weekly update:
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RESET after 35 days w/o MO.

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Exercise in week 32/2023: 15-30-30-30-15-05-05 min → 2:10 h
 
Hello,

It's been 9 days since my last check in and it has gone fairly well. I've been writing more frequently in my journal with smaller entries. My focus isn't as high as it was a few weeks ago. Though I still am focused on this and I'm reminded I need this focus and I'll need to focus on this for many years. These forums and this accountability group thread is a great help.
 
Back2BestOfMe said:
Step by step, every day you can win a day or loose it all. Keep it up!! 90 days is a goal I tried to and failed so close,at 89 days. You can do it better! Push it!

For myself, I had great news. I had been drinking with a friend at the beach when my mom called. She got the biopsy result, they didn't find more cancer. While we still need to see the doctor confirming, it sounds more then promising. The new business idea is picking up, we still need to sort out a few formalities, but my company is not opposed.

So glad to have past the first 2 weeks. You think it would be easier when it's the 3rd or 4th time,...but it was not.

Stay strong!!!
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Thank you brother, great news about the biopsy. I hope everything keeps heading in the right direction.
 
Checking in. Urges and ideas are about low-mid level. It feels strange to be on the cusp of 90 days. It's taken just about a year of starts, resets, streaks, slightly longer streaks and resets to get to 89 days. I know that the number of days doesn't matter as much as the consistent, life-long intention and effort of living with integrity and staying PMO-free. Today is another day on the journey.

This week:
5 days meditation
2.5 hours exercise
 
ANewFocus said:
How are you doing?


After my week-long binge, the last few days have been really difficult. Me and my body want the pleasure, excitement and chemicals generated by porn, fantasy and MO. I have to keep reminding myself that this is not what I want.
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Did you check what made you relapse, what your weakness is? Maybe there are other areas you need to focus on,... it's a tough fight, it needs dedication time and energy.
I have struggled with PMO for decades, my brain is not wired differently,...its welded differently. It's a big ship changing course. But if I can do it, you can do it as well! I have to emphasize every morning, how important this is to me as if it was my first day. Eventually, I felt it would get easier, but the first 2 weeks are tough.
You can make it!

Stay strong
 
Back2BestOfMe said:
Did you check what made you relapse, what your weakness is? Maybe there are other areas you need to focus on,... it's a tough fight, it needs dedication time and energy.
I have struggled with PMO for decades, my brain is not wired differently,...its welded differently. It's a big ship changing course. But if I can do it, you can do it as well! I have to emphasize every morning, how important this is to me as if it was my first day. Eventually, I felt it would get easier, but the first 2 weeks are tough.
You can make it!

Stay strong
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Thank you for asking and challenging me to reflect.

I was bored and disconnected at work. More mundane and less urgent work lately. My boss asked me to share my work for feedback with others and that triggers fear of being judged for me.

In general, I am experiencing some loneliness. I wish I had more male friends I could spend time with. I have friends but none of us initiate activities except when the wives do and that’s usually around parties or big group gatherings. But it’s hard to connect in those spaces at a meaningful level.
 
ANewFocus said:
Thank you for asking and challenging me to reflect.

I was bored and disconnected at work. More mundane and less urgent work lately. My boss asked me to share my work for feedback with others and that triggers fear of being judged for me.

In general, I am experiencing some loneliness. I wish I had more male friends I could spend time with. I have friends but none of us initiate activities except when the wives do and that’s usually around parties or big group gatherings. But it’s hard to connect in those spaces at a meaningful level.
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Do you have any friends through hobbies?? That arent work related
 
ANewFocus said:
How are you doing?


After my week-long binge, the last few days have been really difficult. Me and my body want the pleasure, excitement and chemicals generated by porn, fantasy and MO. I have to keep reminding myself that this is not what I want.
Click to expand...

Hello friend,
thank you for asking. this week has been very hard for me. I have been edging and catching myself. No PMO but felt very bad with the edging. Stayed busy with the kids and household and that helped me to be distracted. I can very much feel the energy I have, not giving in with PMO. Tomorrow, work will start again and I need to leave my wife at home with the kids. one is just four weeks old.
 
My wife and I had argument yesterday. Minor miscommunication about timing for us to have intimacy. My first thought was how I wanted to fap away the urge and annoyance, but I have 7 days that I don’t want to lose and I want to be available for my wife when we’re both mature enough to resume intimacy again.

Most problems that make me want to fap these days are really minor. Minor negative feedback or corrections at work, miscommunications, disagreements on perspective.
 
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