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Discussion in 'Accountability Partners' started by persona2903, Nov 13, 2019.
How do you make the decision? My therapist says I need to but I can’t make the final decision.
8th day off Caffien!
After my stomach flue i thought to use it as a productive thing and cut out meat and coffee - feeling encouraged at first, but the past few days I am feeling the effect of it at work. Less energetic, less excited and all those, but on the positive, there is a sense of peace and calmness and noticing how much I was underslept and pushing my body using this drug.
So now i'm modifying my schedule to make sure i get enough normal sleep and i know it may be challenging the first month or two - But i'm committed to stick to it until March 25th when i go to my next retreat
Reading on bramacharya and writings of Ram Das very inspiring - Made a decision to renounce sexual interacion with a women for the rest of this year and practice Bramacharya - seeing all women as daughters and mothers and focusing only on the Infninite Invisible Presence and making it the only lover
It’s hard to say. I did not not hit rock bottom with my last relapse. I’d had much worse rock bottom experiences with porn than the one I had with my last relapse. I just woke up the next morning with the porn hangover and just decided that I had had enough. I’ve been addicted to porn since the first time I was exposed to it at age 6. I’m 39. It has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. It’s become a crutch in adulthood and I just decided enough was enough. Ive actually made this decision a few times but could never make it past the first few weeks of withdrawals. This time I said fuck it I’m going to fucking man up and get through withdrawals. And it was really hard. I almost broke a few times. But I made it through the worst of it and I’m continuing on. I hope that somewhat answered your question. Feel free to ask anything you want know.
No questions but I loved reading that!
Free spaces are being generated in the group.
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I started this year with a focus to turn off the negative thoughts in my life. Mainly from work. Then I started binging and I couldn’t turn them off. Then I had discouraging career conversation and couldn’t turn them off. I was miserable and spiraling down. I took a weekend a few weeks ago to take care of myself. I went strict on my PMO filters, a level I was afraid to do before.
I looked at what about that career convo that was true and said “I need to change that. I can’t change what my boss thinks about my future career prospects today but I can change my behavior and I can control that.” I locked in at work like I haven’t been. And staying away from P has been much easier. Focused on work, self care, time with friends, and supporting my wife. Just being laser focused on what I want to do for me that’s good and healthy, instead of what I should do has been freeing. A few days after I locked in a company called me for a new job. I’ve been through 4 interviews and 3 of the 4 were phenomenal. I was authentic, honest, and my best self. I’m one of two finalists. Whatever happens with this job, I’m grateful for this period of laser focus and clarity I’ve had.
I wouldn’t have it if not for the help of this group and @Pato checking in on me to help me come out of that binge and get back to the mission. No wallowing. What do I need to do to stop it next time? Do it. Is this thought helping me? No? Then discard it.
Yes I do.
I have read the rules and would like to join this group
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45 yr old straight male.
Coming up on 2 weeks no PMO, which is definitely the longest Ive gone with no MO since probly 12 years old. Honestly, didnt really start P until maybe 30 or so. But relied on it, simply cuz its "ez and convenient". Urges come and go, bit its getting easier. Mostly dont even notice if I keep myself busy. I think thats the key for me. Also, blockers on websites have helped me. They are a temporary solution, but I think necessary at first. Toughest for me so far was last weekend, cuz I drank on Saturday night. Usually, the next day as I nurse my hangover, I end up PMO binging all day. But got thru it ok ladt weekend. That was a good test. Not one Id want to make a habit of, but still convinced me that I can do this even with extreme urges.
Dont feel any different yet, but its still early. Look forward to sharing with you all in the group.
Well I managed to get to 3 weeks but have spent the last week binging......confessing in here and resetting my counter. I was really hopeful of getting to 30 days. However once I started it got hold of me this week - reminded me completely of why I want to give up......
Thanks for sharing your story!
And yes, it is too early to see significant differences, but surely you will soon notice them.
Now you are accompanied in this fight by people who really understand you and this is no small matter!
I'm sorry, but congratulations for the 3 weeks you reached! Is a good mark.
I think it will be very useful for you to write periodically, if possible on a daily basis in this accountability group. It forces you to reflect every day, to channel the energies, to identify with others with your same problems and to put into practice good advice from the members.
This attempt was a training ... the next jump will be much longer!
Yes i agree - having a daily routine to check in here and making notes and reading others challenges and relapses has been a great aid in my process.
This addiction is really tricky, we tend to forget how sneaky it can be, but by reading here and reflecting to each other we can be very sharp and alert and prepared to fight when the tempter shows up
Man, I think that with everything you've been through, you can achieve what you want seriously. I consider you a remarkable person. Anyone would give up, but you kept insisting and you did it, whether you succeed or not, but you made a tremendous effort and that's very good.
Good luck with job @ANewFocus
Thanks for sharing and welcome to the group.
I appreciate your candor and resilence. Thank you for sharing. We all get knocked down but not everybody chooses to keep fighting.