35 and older accountability, Group 2

Discussion in 'Accountability Partners' started by persona2903, Nov 13, 2019.

  1. ANewFocus

    ANewFocus Fapstronaut

    Work stress is so difficult for me. My ego and my desire to get my way or the way I think it should be makes me so miserable because more often than not I’m giving in to someone else’s demands.
    persona2903 likes this.
  2. JJones

    JJones Fapstronaut

  3. ANewFocus

    ANewFocus Fapstronaut

    Thanks for your honesty and sharing with us.
    Barakah and persona2903 like this.
  4. brother I wish i could communciate to you how i went from so much stress and bordom into an inner peace beyond compre
    i feel like that many nights if i miss my mid day meditation - I challenge you to wake up at 4 am and sit for 1 hour in silence and then 1 hour more in the evening.

    It is such a simple idea but this alone has transformed me in such a powerful way - it has taken me decades to be able to do it though.

    but dif people are dif. Meditation is the answer to clearing the mind so Grace can be realized.
    tonyk1982, ANewFocus and persona2903 like this.
  5. persona2903

    persona2903 Fapstronaut

    Difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations
    Go on! :)
    ANewFocus and RightEffort like this.
  6. Lust hurts

    Just noticing that i have been mostly lust free most of walking days but still danger is in every corner. Today I was looking at fb feed (which i never usually do) but saw a revealing women's body - I was curious who it is - i clicked her name and saw her pictures of showing alot of skin and curves.

    Few seconds later i felt this inner pain almost in chest - like a wave of suffering - i remembered that this is what i always had when i was lusting over porn, but i was so addicted to the sensual pleasures in my sexual organ that the pain was overlooked.

    I went back to the practice which i love - that is to use every impulse of lust as a reminder to 'prayer without ceasing'.

    So grateful for being able to come thus far and only pray to continue being free from the old ways of being.
  7. Barakah

    Barakah Fapstronaut

    Hey guys
    It's been few days since I didn't post an update sorry about that. My phone broke, and I stayed without a phone for a while, then I forgot

    Anyway today is day 5. I've made a great progress with the forgiveness practice (step 4 of the 12 steps), and it's helping me so much. I feel like something shifted inside me. Now I finished step 4 and doing the next steps

    I kept meditating for 30 minutes every days since the beginning of July, I only skipped 2 or 3 times.
    I'm trying to be really self disciplined
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  8. ANewFocus

    ANewFocus Fapstronaut

    Life is so weird. The last few weeks have been so easy to stay sober. Relaxation at a bed and breakfast. Been focusing on doing things I enjoy. Few fights with wife. Trying to heal old work resentments and see them in new light. And this weekend i started to feel some urges for PMO and fantasy and I’ve just told myself that I don’t want that and I’ve been able to stay away. I’ve also been able to feel the urge and realize what is happening. I wish it could always be this easy.
    RightEffort likes this.
  9. ANewFocus

    ANewFocus Fapstronaut

    Thank you brother. I will go meditate right now. Thank you for the reminder.. Waking up at 4 am? When do you go to sleep?
    RightEffort likes this.
  10. Liberation111

    Liberation111 Fapstronaut

    RightEffort, persona2903 and Barakah like this.
  11. Barakah

    Barakah Fapstronaut

    One thing that helped me healing resentments is using visualization. I closed my eyes, and visualized myself smiling to the persons with who I have resentments, laughing with them, or successfully doing the step 4 forgiveness exercise with them...

    It has been working better than I expected

    Day 6 for me today
    RightEffort likes this.
  12. Barakah

    Barakah Fapstronaut

    Day 7. Not much temptation today.

    I have a lot of free time theses days. I usually relapse a lot when I have so much free time (last year I was relapsing every 2 days) compared to when I work (relapse every 10 or 15 days).
    So I'm improving

    I'll go back to work on September 1st
    RightEffort likes this.
  13. tonyk1982

    tonyk1982 Fapstronaut

    My wife left me earlier this year, before the COVID lockdown. How fortunate you are to still have your wife and she wants to spend time with you. If doing house projects kept me from PMO I'd build a whole new house. Be thankful for your gifts and what may seem like a pain in the ass may actually be a wonderful positive thing for you. Peace.
    persona2903 and Barakah like this.
  14. Last week I was having many different extremly challenging moments -

    Female energy is challenging me but not in a lustful way, by attacks , questioning me and chalelnges.
    This is about females at work, at my private mastemrind groups and with some female friends,

    IN the process i learned that this is the nature of the feminin that comes up with all kinds of wild 'tests' and my job is to remain present and connected to my inner peace - and once the storm is passed many new breakthroughs come.

    This is exactly what happened.

    The week comes to an end and I had major breakthroughs in all areas with these females, who i have a purely non lustful relationship.

    Without lust in the picture and no selfishness i'm much better able to handle my ego and be able to remain quiet, and to admit my faults and so on.

    My commitment which i'm plannig to write down every day is this..

    1. I am silent in the face of unkindness and hardship,

    2. I only speak with the tone of love and encouragement

    3. I never judge, criticize or condemn another because I know it only causes suffering to myself.

    4. When they cause me suffering due to their accusations, miss understanding and shadow I remain at peace
    I pray for understanding, for grace.

    5 I never try to get even or attack.

    6 If I fall short and say something unkind or react to another as soon as I wake up I will take ownership of my breakdown and ask for forgiveness.

    7 I know living this way enables me to keep my heart open (first purpose) and to lead others without resentment.
    Barakah likes this.
  15. hey guys i have a private group called Practicing the Power of now In Relationships, its on saturdays at 9:10 am MDT - open to any one who is willing to practice and it is free - just msg me your email and your welcome to join us :)
    persona2903 and Barakah like this.
  16. Barakah

    Barakah Fapstronaut

    What's up
    I relapsed Friday night so now is day 3.
    It was so hot that night that I couldn't sleep, so I ended up doing this instead..
    I tried to find solutions to cool down my room, it helps a little
    persona2903 likes this.
  17. persona2903

    persona2903 Fapstronaut

    If you are still interested, a vacancy may open soon.
  18. What i'm learnign to do is regardless of what comes up.

    Temptation or no tempation.
    Hot or cold.
    Tired or wide awake.

    Regardless of the external influence or effect our way is to GO TO GOD.

    In all situations, knowing that in HIS presence there is FULLNESS of joy.

    Memorizing the letter of truth has been very helpful to me because they are
    coming from a state of consciousenss that has transcended duality.

    So You could memorize few verses of truth such as

    "I can do all things through Christ/God/Truth"

    "I can of my own self do nothing, its God within me, that doeth the work"

    And keep these in mind, in face of challenges, you can declare them and through practice
    they become a living experience.

    Its quiet amazing how it works, I'm still learning but I have living experience of this.

    The bigger the demand/challenge the more we can go into God.

    IN our old ways, when challenges, occur, we become more unconscious, we go into form/matter/delusion.

    SO in the past - when we are tired, we go to porn or drugs or drinks.

    But after His grace touches us, it turns fire into water, and night into day.

    So when we face a challenging situation, instead of going more into unconsciousness, we actually go toward the light.

    Buddha talks abou tthe same thing,

    He says that there are 4 types of people. Those who go from darkness to darkness, those who go from Darkness t light and those who go from Light to darkness and those who go from Light to Light.

    So lets be the ones who go from Light to light or at worst , the ones who go from darkness to light especially when we are tested and tempted.

    And rest assured as long as we are alive we are going to face temptation, and we should not resist it but learn to use temptation and challenges as our Awakener.
    Barakah likes this.
  19. persona2903

    persona2903 Fapstronaut

    Hello fellow fighters!
    Today I wanted to share with you my area chart showing my desire level for P over time, showing a victory over PM that I have never been able to achieve in the last 36 years. The Accountability Groups were decisive and fundamental in achieving this.
    This latest challenge started 453 days ago and as you can see, it wasn't easy.

    The first 7 months were very intense, with constant ups and downs in the PM level. I could only deal with day to day because I did not feel strong to look ahead ... always on the verge of failure!

    The months that followed were much easier, the pressure wasn't constant, and I unlearned the habit of turning to PM when I was stressed, bored, or anxious. However, the small spikes seen in this last period remind me that I must always be vigilant and that I will always be a recovering PM addict.

    I want to encourage you to keep going, so that you can see "the light at the end of the road" because there is hope to be able to get out.
    In my particular case, one of the determining factors to get ahead was faith in God ... I advise believers to use it as a powerful weapon.
    If I can be of any use to you, here I am.
    Greetings and go ahead! Because everything good is ahead and never behind!
    Barakah, RightEffort and John Call like this.
  20. tonyk1982

    tonyk1982 Fapstronaut

    DAY 30 - I guess this is considered a milestone but for me I milestone every day as an achievement. My daily achievement is honesty with myself. This site, and everyone here, has given me the comfort and security to have a place where I can be totally honest about my struggle and not be lying. I really think that relief of being able to be honest with everyone here enables the honesty with myself to recognize that I am an addict. And because of that honest acceptance of myself, I come to this site regularly (daily) for rekindling my resolve, offering support to others, learning more about my addiction, and gaining strength from the fellowship of this community. I could not have imagined a month ago how different I would feel, and how healthier my overall emotional psychological being is today. I guess one thing that has really freed my spirit was eliminating the sense of shame I experienced from PMO. What a heavy burden that was. When I can recall that shameful feeling it directs my thoughts away from the triggers, images, urges, and helps prevent that first little reach to the P site. Thank you everyone. Stay strong.

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