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Discussion in 'Accountability Partners' started by persona2903, Nov 13, 2019.
I have one week. I have a sudden burst of amazing energy today. And no urges. It’s a relief.
Checking in...been so long since I spilled my guts. Had relapse into gambling..Gambling! I was clear and free for over one and a half years then one day I made the detrimental decision to start online sports betting once again...so lost so much money I just fatigued thinking about, absolutely drained. Once again back to the wheel of misfortune and having to begg, lend and manipulate to make ends meet. There is nothing more humiliating then this addiction, aslo people seem to think you just and idiot still for being one, like, it must'nt be that hard to just back off. Well it is for me!
So, been on a streak and also staying clear from porn and also those god damn datingapps that tears my soul apart and I actually dont even care at this moment with the total chaos that my relapse into gambling has brought on. Just constantly broke and soon probably living in the fucking gutter, well there you have it, could it sound anymore positive you think? I have no options, no lifeline left to rescue me...I am totally crushed.
Feeling a ton of stress right now and the need to escape with a full PMO expedition. This, despite the fact that for the last couple weeks I've been doing really well. I'm still and always will be an addict and right now feeling weak, struggling to stay clean.
Shankara said 'one should protect his mind in the same way someone would protect their broken arm as they make their way through an unruly crowd.'
Day 1. Easy to get down about a relapse but its wasted energy. Bringing the goal back into focus.
Hope everyone's well.
It is not uncommon for many relapses to occur at the beginning of the year. We put a lot of expectations on the change of year, seeing it as a moment where we will have new strength to start from scratch. But in reality, the days of the year that begins are the same as the previous year ... and when we discover that basically there was no change, we relapse ... or at least that is what happened to me.
This is a good opportunity to look inside ourselves and see that the real problem and the real solution are there. I never found a magic solution. The beginning of the solution was the recognition of my failure and incapacity, confessing it in this forum, beginning to live with a short expectation (one day at a time) and supporting myself in my faith in God. I had some stumbles and bumps and the first few months were hell, but now I've been without PM for over 600 days ... and I still struggle one day at a time.
I want to encourage those who are back on day 1. Cheer up! Let's start again step by step and focus your mind on a project that excites you.
I hope these words help you.
God bless you all!
"I have read the rules and would like to join this group"
Decided to open myself to going out with female friends for walks/workouts etc.
Feeling really happy about meeting new female friend, however my intention is to avoid any sexual activity for another year because I love to set the next relationship on success and to make sure i connect on a deeper level than short term craving for pleasure.
The only challenge I have now is that relationships takes so much time and I only have or want to give this area so little time
I agree with Persona. Looking forward to see your Ring of Self Restraint at 750 days coming up soon
I also like to add, its best to learn how to transmute this energy through serious changes to life style and focus.
You can do it guys keep trying.
Hello friends. It was too much for me. A week ago my stress and despair was building and I was seeking emotional escape. I managed to stave off my old coping habit for about a day, thanks to support from my comrades here. But then I peeked at some very mild P. It planted the pernicious seed in my addict brain and it kept gnawing at me. I peeked again, and then the physical stress started building. I spent an entire day with this feeling of extreme discomfort and obsessive thoughts. In prior situations like this I would go outside and exercise, but I was stuck indoors because of work and inclement weather. I made a conscious decision to relieve myself. I thought a lot about the nearly 4 month streak I was about to end, and how I would be disappointing my community here. But in the end, I just had to get it over with and move on. It was the shortest of PMO excursions. Perfunctory in nature, entirely devoid of pleasure. I really don't feel bad about doing it. In the big picture, if I go four months at a time, that's 3 times per year of bad behavior. I'm ok with that, I think. There is big part of me that wants to be completely PMO-free, and I will maintain that mindset and spiritual direction. My biggest challenge is dealing with the problems in my marriage. I'm pretty sure if my marriage wasn't in shambles, I'd be much stronger in battling this addiction. Stay strong everyone.
Reset on 1/18/21, but I have joined one of the small groups to help with support.
Checking-in. Feeling good at day 10. Always tough getting past the first few days after relapse but once the energy starts flowing again, I wonder why I relapsed in the first place. Aiming for 120 days, one day at a time.
Day 7 - Some thoughts...on one hand, I feel like I've accomplished a lot in recognizing my addiction and gaining a 4-month streak. On the other hand, most recently I reset without much internal strife and not sure I'm ok with that as it seems to indicate a softening of my resolve.
This morning I heard someone say "I'm better than I was, but not as good as I want to be". It made me think about staying totally clean and how that should be my forever and ongoing goal.
My marital issues, like many of us here, are challenging and present. That is no excuse for not pursuing the goal of a totally PMO-free life. I will meditate on the belief that staying clean will actually promote improvement in my marriage.
And, while I have learned to manage my addiction over the last 8 months to a point where it is no longer occupying hours per day every day, I must now fully devote myself to complete abstinence from PMO. My intent is for that to be a cornerstone of my life and how I wish to grow as a human being for this next stage of my life.
Day 14 - I've previously had trouble on or around Day 7 and Day 14, there's some research about that cycle for us PMO addicts. Not feeling any urges whatsoever or even any remotely thoughts of P. I'm very down and out over marital issues right now. That never seemed to stop my PMO excursions in the past so I guess I've made progress. It is very firmly in my mind that if I went for an escape session with PMO right now I'd feel horrible afterwards.
hey bro I appreciate your update and your willingness to share this with us with honestly.
I have some thoughts which i like to share, you can totally ignore it if it doesn't resonate.
it sounds like you are learning how to self control to abstain, and the new opportunity is to learn how to transmute and channel this. So when challenges in life comes, instead of thinking 'what not to do' you automatically focus on 'what to do' such as exercise, run, sing, draw, involve in community or do volunteer, just examples.
For me is making youtube/fb videos, doing volunteer work with my community, going for nature walks in dog park, as well as inviting conversions with cool friends for walks, these are some of my actions, others are meditation, reading, focusing on goals long term, learning new skills like sales and how to access the flow state.
THere is a great book you can listen to just came out it is called "the art of impossible" - let things inspire you and focus on those.
Just some thoughts
Do you see a correlation between semen retention and achieving a flow state? Curious to get your thoughts on that
@RightEffort thanks for the suggestions, always willing to add to my toolkit of coping skills. I'll check out that book. Yes - there are many occasions where I can proactively self-control with the methods you mention. "Training the Mind".
Ya brother keep going - we are all in this together and I KNOW you will have a breakthrough just keep showing up the way you do and taking steps
hey bro great question
The fact is semen is a powerful force that creates babies, flow state is when we are feeling our best and performing our best.
Ultimately semen control results in higher focus, concentration and sense of well being, which are all compatible to flow state.
The thing with Semen control, in order to succeed at it one needs to master all the other areas which includes transmutations of the energy (exercise, nutrition, hydration, community, reading, expression etc) which all are components of flow state. So they complete each other beautifully
The only thing to note , flow state it self can be either good or bad, it is not a divine state,
Flow state means total absorption, you could be totally absorbed in porn, or unwholesome activities, so the goal is not flow state, but to use flow in our specific goals and mission to hit the next level of performance and ultimately to serve others
Hi all! I have just returned from a few days of vacation at the beach, so I could not participate in the forum. Everything went well and my levels of PM desire remained stable and low ... Only tonight I had some sexual dreams but they have not unbalanced me (but I try to remain attentive, I admit I am weak).
I will update the statistics shortly.
I wish you a nice day!