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35 and older accountability, Group 2

Discussion in 'Events & Challenges' started by persona2903, Nov 13, 2019.

  1. CraftyDad

    CraftyDad Fapstronaut

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    It's been a tough week, both at work and at home, which left me questioning myself a lot. A few days ago I came dangerously close to having a reset, I managed to stay on track, but this experience made me realize once again how strong my addiction is. I'm grateful for this group, I wouldn't have made it so far without you. Thank you.
     
  2. Inspired2chg

    Inspired2chg Fapstronaut

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    I’m up to 7 days after a busy week filled with an interview and more grad school work. I’m getting better at managing my time and not stretching myself too thin.
     
    persona2903, ANewFocus and nonfap like this.
  3. ANewFocus

    ANewFocus Fapstronaut

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    I decided last night that I wanted to use and did. I was bored yesterday and then night came and I wanted to satisfy that urge for pleasure.

    I probably should have worked out instead.
     
    Inspired2chg likes this.
  4. nonfap

    nonfap Fapstronaut

    I'm here checking in. Overall, I haven't been able to avoid thoughts/fantasies and looking at women in public. But I have avoided PMO and I'm not feeling the desire for it. I'm a bit down at the moment but I think I'll get through it. PMO would only make it worse and I'm so glad I have no desire for it right now. I'm also encouraged because I do feel like I'm off to a good start overall for 13 days.

    I encourage everyone to keep your day counts increasing, one day at a time.

    Well, this is just a quick check in here, but I also posted on my journal.
     
    persona2903 likes this.
  5. PressingOn

    PressingOn New Fapstronaut

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    Hi all, I am new and aged 36 and a christian in asia. Before I discovered nofap, I tried to quit pmo on my own several times but have failed repeatedly over the last few years. End of last year, I had a success for almost 3 months but I slipped in Jan '21 and since then I slipped a few times again without even coming near to 3 months. In Feb i discovered the nofap subreddit and later on the nofap forums. I feel I need to be honest that I can't really defeat this alone and could really use accountability. Would there still be space within this group for me to join?
     
    nonfap and persona2903 like this.
  6. persona2903

    persona2903 Fapstronaut

    This concept seems minor but it is a great and important discovery in our recovery! Congratulations on moving forward!
     
    nonfap likes this.
  7. persona2903

    persona2903 Fapstronaut

    Hello! Vacancies are being made very soon, but remember that to be part of the group you have to activate the counter.
    Being part of a group was decisive for me, I think it will be of great help to you.
     
  8. persona2903

    persona2903 Fapstronaut

    You are in a losing streak, it happened to all of us. It would be good to meditate again on the triggers, on the why of boredom and dissatisfaction, for example.
    Courage, you can always start over!
     
    nonfap and ANewFocus like this.
  9. ANewFocus

    ANewFocus Fapstronaut

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    I took the action last night to give control of my web filters back to my wife. I haven’t been able to control it on my own and need to separate myself to get a streak going again. This is hard because I also need to resist using my work computer for viewing women social media sites.
     
    nonfap, RightEffort and Inspired2chg like this.
  10. persona2903

    persona2903 Fapstronaut

    Well done! As difficult as it is, we have to make every effort to get out. One very good thing is that you have the help of your wife, that is invaluable!
    Strength and perseverance to live this day!
     
  11. ANewFocus

    ANewFocus Fapstronaut

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    Yesterday I had an interaction with a colleague that was a debate over his way or my way. I let him win and it’s helping my happiness some. It’s also trying to bring more peace to my relationships and be more the person I want to be.
     
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  12. CraftyDad

    CraftyDad Fapstronaut

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    The past few days have been filled with urges to watch something, it kept coming back to my mind and got worse over time, until today when I lost control. I'm resetting my counter, but I want to learn. What do you do when an idea turns into an obsession, and there seems to be no way out?
     
    nonfap, persona2903 and ANewFocus like this.
  13. ANewFocus

    ANewFocus Fapstronaut

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    I struggle with this lately. But in the past I would leave my house. Go be in public. Call someone. Spend time with my partner. See if A friend is around.
     
  14. hey friends!

    holy cow - I am so grateful to be sharing this. Its been an interesting week last week. I normally take a day of silence and meditation on Sundays, but last week I feeling really 'excited' and enthusiastic about my growth and success - so I decided to take a day to continue reading other books and focused on growth instead of going inside, and I felt the pain of it the upcoming days.

    I felt an intense desire for sex and porn the early part of the week, and I felt agitated and lacked focus and peacefulness, my meditation and prayer life also felt a little more redundant and empty -

    This is what it reminded me, when we lust and are living on the physical sensation and pleasure seeking mode, the spiritual things seems like nonsense, but as we renounce and connect within, the things of God and spirituality and the feeling of peace and harmony within becomes so tangible and so real, I can actually feel the progress.

    The progress i'm talking about is how i respond to adversities and challenges of life. How much less do i take things personal, how much more I'm in the space of praying for my enemy and silently and secretly sharing this inner love and light with those i meet - vs when i'm living in agitation, I'm fighting inner demons and feeling more reactive.

    I also noticed this is a rhythm or pattern. Every few months i find that I 'forget' the bliss i already feel in this way of life, the simplicity of living a pure life, the contentment, and the love that i feel - which is TRULEY fulfilling, every once a while this is overlooked, and then I go on a journey of chasing pleasure in things and people and external expansion - but then when this happens at some point I feel this inner emptiness again, which then forces me to prioritize the essentials or time alone and to deepen my awareness of the Presence.

    So ya the message is even after 1 year and 4 months or whatever long its been, Temptations can come and i assume this is a life time battle and journey but as Emerson puts it, that we gain the power of every temptation that we resist - so the temptations and the challenges, can also be re-contexualized or seen as helping us to ground ourself to this intention to live a pure life.

    I do also say it is helpful to have people in our life to reach out to in face of huge temptations. I have my own 12 step sponsor and people whose spiritual awareness inspire me, and I did reach out to them.

    Sometimes I don't even need any thing from them, but the very act of reaching out to someone, with the intention to bringing the inner demons to light - helps so much to affirm my intention that I am 100% committed to continuing on this path.

    As they say in 12 steps, we are only as sick as our secrets. So ya this group can also play this role for us to share our inner demons and getting feedback.

    Thank you and look forward to see all of us expand in greater feeling of love and freedom for the good of all.
     
    persona2903 and nonfap like this.
  15. Hey CraftyDad! Thank you for sharing and having the boldness to stay in the game even though you have setbacks, that itself is a huge victory.

    The idea turning to obsession is something i struggled with A LOT.

    Overthe years of relapsing to porn and even worst things (like drugs) I learned that I have an inner animal within and this animal has certain needs. Just like if i keep a dog in my room without taking him for walks and fresh air the dog will destroy the house, the same way I have this inner animal which requires, love, freedom, connections and feeling of freedom.

    I noticed that because I was so dominated with my mind and fears and anxieties I would overwork, or over stimulate my brain - and this inner animal would go crazy.

    So for example if I am going through a stressful time at work, and I want to 'get ahead' or have a 'breakthrough' I may try to pull all nighters or wake up earlier, and work harder, but if i do this at the expense of my 'self care' routines, or active recovery routines such as (meditation, walk in nature, eating healthy, avoiding eating late, exercise, breath work, connecting with healthy people, avoiding hollywood and instagram and other worldy entertainment, to name a few) I notice when I do this, Initially i feel i am making progress at work,

    But then what is happening is that my mind is now taking over my being. In other words I am being RUN by the monkey mind, and after the high passes, I will be attacked with a new wave of temptation,

    So after 12 hours of hard focused work I would find myself want nothing but a release through porn or sex or drugs. which would then crash my energy and I would actually end up becoming LESS productive for days and weeks to come.

    So what I am learning to do through keeping a COMMITTED meditation practice, I find that I'm not as lost in the expansion phase, and I am able to have more self control to limit my work to 10 hours but do it wisely with tons of breaks, and healthy routines within it, this way I can keep growing without crashing.


    Lastly I share this which I shared to a friend who messaged me when she was experiencing lust. You may find any of these ideas helpful to be able to overcome the pattern of mind taking over.


    1. Make sure you have enough sleep and rest, eating healthy and not sugary.
    2. Make sure you are not in fight or flight or anxiety go to nature and connect with nature. literally touch the ground for a few minutes with your feet or huge a tree, it sounds weird but it actually changes your physiological frequency by connecting to the earth's frequency which grounds you of all the toxic frequencies of wifi and the mental noise. (Recommended by SadGuru also)
    3. Joel Goldsmith's perspective is the appearances of lust, anger, jealousy or fear are only delusions because we are under the hypnotism of the carnal mind, so the answer is not to fight the illusion but instead is to relax and know the truth - of What God is, the nature of God as love and infinite well being, and the appearance of lust and anxiety or fear are nothing but a temporary appearance - to not fight w/ it but feel it without resistance
    4. Dr David R Hawkins book on "letting go: the pathway of surrender"- chapter on desire is another good resource to use to let go of the emotions by feeling them fully without aversion or attachment
    5. Diet is also a big key in lust, usually lots of meat, garlic, onion can increase those temptation, it helps to attend spiritual groups and be surrounded by spiritually conscious people and this helps a lot.
    6. You can also limit caffeine and really eat mostly fruits and nuts, If lust is a big issue you can immediately fast for a day that will discipline the mind and will enable you to meditate deeper too
    7. Take a silence day and just read holy books and practice meditation this will really help to know the truth which then will be the light which illuminates the illusion of lust
    8. Also doing yoga helps a lot specially the upside down movements doing 7-15 minutes of it in morning first thing before meditation can help a lot .
    9. Lastly is cold showers, take them as needed and rest in them while you contemplate the nature of God -
    10. Finally if all fails LITERALLY drop at your KNEES and PRAY to GOD and HIS GRACE to uplift you up from the illusions - because you desire to know HIM and to be guided to truth - this is the most powerful and always works
     
  16. BTW There is more than 50% of the group have reached above 90 days you guys! this is a huge win! keep up the great work! those who are below 90 days, you guys can do this, i have no doubt, Stay in faith and persevere even if it feels hopeless, it's never hopeless ! Next streak could be the 365+ day strike
     
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  17. nonfap

    nonfap Fapstronaut

    Day 19:

    I'm doing better now after reading the latest posts here. I just posted to my journal before reading here and I was expressing the struggle I'm currently in.

    Overall your latest posts have helped a lot right now. But also it seems that most of these 19 days have been relatively effortless for me to not PMO (to a certain degree). But now I'm starting to feel more pressures and thoughts/fantasies are lingering more. I think it will get easier again at some point but now I've hit a rough time that I need to make it through.

    Thanks for your posts.
    I encourage everyone to keep moving forward, on step at a time.
     
  18. persona2903

    persona2903 Fapstronaut

    Hi nonfap ! The first few months were a roller coaster ride for me. I share with you this diagram that I made measuring my desire for PM in those days ... There were very bad days, where I had to concentrate on living minute by minute ... and other days relaxed and easy.
    [​IMG]
    Most difficult days had a cause and I was able to find the triggers for my imbalances:
    • Day 55: "cold day, still in bed and hot dreams tonite"
    • Day 130: "Alone in the house, still in bed, so tired, typed fap.com instead of nofap.com, nothing recommended images were displayed but i leave instantly"
    • Day 170: Hot dreams tonite, no intimate relationships with my wife in the last 10 days... and maybe there is more visual stimulation because spring has arrived in our hemisphere.
    At the moment of pressure it is good to find out why we are pressured. Discovering the cause takes the force out of temptation and helps us to be forewarned.
    I say again that it was fundamental for me to have the help of God, to whom I go in prayer and in reading the Bible ...
    Have a full week of victory!
     
    Last edited: Mar 22, 2021
    nonfap, InnerMan and ANewFocus like this.
  19. persona2903

    persona2903 Fapstronaut

    REMINDER
    For the month of April, only those who have made at least one participation in the forum during the month of March will remain in this group.
    This will help us to have a more active group and will allow more members to join with a desire to participate regularly.
    Have a nice week!
     
  20. ANewFocus

    ANewFocus Fapstronaut

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    I’m doing better with porn since I turned on filters and gave control to my wife. I had a dream last night about a porn actress that lives in my city. The fact that I know this shows how sick I am and how much I have craved connection, not just porn, but the person.
     
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