35 and older accountability, Group 2

Discussion in 'Accountability Partners' started by persona2903, Nov 13, 2019.

  1. This is not professional advice but I truly believe they can because to overcome PMO requires such great faith and perseverance and surrender that having done this, can also do other 'impossible' things. I do believe we can heal and have anything by connecting to what/who we truly are.
     
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  2. richsimm22

    richsimm22 Fapstronaut

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    Just checking in. Things still going well. On day 63 of no PM and its not been easy. I do find though that one day I feel like it's a piece of cake and the next day is pure torture but generally it's easier than the first month. I definitely don't get mood swings like I used to and they got much worse in the first few weeks of nofap which I expected. I have to watch that It doesnt just turn this into a sex addiction as once the Mrs and I have gotten Jiggy thats all I can think about and I have to keep steering my attention away which is very difficult. I'm doing plenty of high intensity workouts and that's getting rid of some of that sexual energy. Starting to lose some weight ad I've also cut out sugar so my brain doesn't know what's hit it at the moment but I'm feeling positive.
     
  3. nonfap

    nonfap Fapstronaut

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  4. boyrose

    boyrose Fapstronaut

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    From my personal experience, youtube is just like instagram or facebook: even with the best of intentions to be good, if one uses them, it’s just a matter of time until one accidentally stumbles onto a video or image that will begin the process of leading to a relapse.

    They are all very much a double edged knife. They have good positive content, but they equally have more than enough stuff to lead to relapse in some shape or form. Using them is like a kid playing with a loaded gun with the safety off: it’s just a matter of time.

    At least that’s how they effect me. If I’m trying to put together a streak of nofap, and I’m still using youtube; in the back of my mind I know I’m wasting my time.
     
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  5. boyrose

    boyrose Fapstronaut

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    You’re a machine. No PM and no sugar at the same time.
     
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  6. boyrose

    boyrose Fapstronaut

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    Agreed. Need to accept myself for who and what i am. If I’m a little chubby at the moment, then that’s what I currently am and the universe sure don’t think less of me because of that.

    But as far as my October 1st dating deadline. I slashed a few months off that today: the new deadline is July 16th: 3 months from yesterday. I think I figured out how to quit some of this stupid procrastinating and get to work on myself. It’s like in school: if a student has 3 months to write a paper, most people will put it off until a few weeks or a month before deadline, completely wasting about 1-2 months of the time given to them to write it. But if the teacher says: I change my mind, instead of 3 months, you only get 2 weeks to write this paper. Well, no time to procrastinate now, better get off your ass and get to work cause the clock is ticking.

    So that’s what I did. I now have 3 months to figure out this nofap sh#t and get my ass in shape among other stuff. Will my new plan work? Probably not. After all, 3 months from now I don’t need to be perfect, just want to make some positive progress moving in the right direction.

    But hell or high water I’m going to start dating in 3 months. I don’t see the problem in having a bit of a social life while working on nofap.
     
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  7. Steveal3aneef1

    Steveal3aneef1 Fapstronaut

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    Here's a short video by tedx discusing the major problem we are having with porn
    Screenshot_20210420_161125.jpg
     
  8. Settle

    Settle Fapstronaut

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    Relapsed 6 days back and now am on 6rh str8 day no pmo. That's the longest I have bn in a decade !
     
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  9. richsimm22

    richsimm22 Fapstronaut

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    That awesome that you came back strong. So is your target no PMO? I'm on no PM but during my current streak I did have roughly about a 26 day streak where I didn't orgasm either as my wife was ill. That's definelty the longest by far in at least 25 years. Keep on it. Your doing well and remember currently for you every single day is a new record.
     
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  10. Settle

    Settle Fapstronaut

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    Yes no pmo is target. Not married. I have also quit coffee simultaneously.taking on too much.
    Quitting coffee has infact been easier, because I associated it with some thing extremely important to me. But mind plays games w me when it comes to pmo. I keep going to emergency.nofap.com 20 times a day to remind me what's at stake and how is feel after fap.
     
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  11. InnerMan

    InnerMan Fapstronaut

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    Hey @boyrose, warning long post ahead. My take on this is forming a powerful intention. The write up shared below is something I posted elsewhere. I know its wordy but hopefully it makes a decent read.
    ____________________________________________________

    Intention is King. The Alpha and Omega. It's the foundation to succeeding in nofap. If you apply the 80/20 rule to nofap, intention is the 20% of effort that yields 80% of the results. I'm willing to go so far as to say that if your intention is truly powerful, it's practically 100% of the results. If done right, it dramatically reduces your fragile reliance on the million and one other approaches you might take, helpful as they may be.

    Sure, cold showers, porn blockers, reduced social media time, dietary choices, exercise, all help greatly on this path. Keep them up. But ultimately, they are not bulletproof, reliable approaches. Why? Because when you've had a long day, and you're stressed, tired, bored, upset and frustrated, and an urge starts rearing its ugly head, there's a good chance you won't be in the mood for a cold shower or dropping 30 push ups or whatever. More than likely, you'll cave. This is where a powerful intention can protect you. And if you cave anyway, it means your intention wasn't powerful enough. All good, next time you'll just have to make it stronger.

    Now, you might say, 'yeah but many times after a relapse, I've said NEVER AGAIN, and I meant it in the moment, but it doesn't work.' Been there done that, literally thousands of times. The issue there is that you're making a strong intention but you didn't do enough to keep feeding it. It's like you spun a top and once you saw it spinning you walked away assuming it would keep spinning. That's where you messed up. Don't walk away from your intention. You have to keep flicking that top so it continues to spin. I admit, playing with a top may not be the most sensitive analogy but let's keep this somewhat light :)

    An important aspect of intention is to be specific. Unless you're a seasoned pro who has managed to keep your hands off the wand for a very long time, it's not enough to say 'It's a lifestyle, I don't need to be specific.' Wrong, you have to have something tangible to work towards. A mountain climber doesn't start his ascent with the notion that he will climb indefinitely. He has a specific summit in view, literally. And if you reach that summit, enjoy the view and then tackle a higher summit. It's a great way to measure your commitment and progress.

    So what's the method to actually doing what I'm proposing? Make no mistake, it is a form of effort. It is WORK. Essentially, it requires that you dedicate a modest amount of time to it everyday. There's no hard and fast rule about how long you need to do this for and how many times a day, but a good rule of thumb is to do it at least 3 times a day, 5 to 15 minutes each time, for a month. Once you get a good streak going and you get the hang of formulating a strong intention, you can modify the frequency and duration as you see fit.

    More to the specifics of forming that powerful intention in a conscious and deliberate way, I highly advise that you put your devices away, get away from other people, and give yourself the treat of those 5 to 15 minutes of alone time where you simply focus on the intention. I've done this in a meditative posture by sitting motionless with my eyes closed, and also when walking (especially in nature but doesn't have to be). Both approaches work well. Then, state the intention to yourself, either verbally or just in your mind. Initially, it may feel contrived, like lifeless words. This is the feedback that will tell you that your intention needs more from you.

    The question arises, 'how do I feed it so that the intention starts to FEEL real?' Many approaches to this, but one of the primary ways is through memory and imagination. With regards to memory, remember your suffering when you PMO. Remember that abysmal feeling after having wasted yet more of your manhood. The sense of despair and feelings of entrapment, like you're stuck in some kind of psychological hell vortex of compulsive, juvenile behavior. And remember how this affects your energy and mood thereafter - The fact that you can't fully commit to things; that because you jerked off, you literally lack the ability to go balls to the wall. On the flip side, use your knowledge and imagination to evoke the benefits of self-restraint. Imagine the type of man you will become when you're a total BOSS who can say no to porn, no to masturbation, and no to whatever form of sexual deviance you're old self was given to. Get into it. Feel the upright posture of that badass, his confident gait, his self-assurance. Or, if that doesn't suit you, just imagine living without the burden of your addiction. In this regards, it really helps to get inspiration from others who were in the same boat as you but managed to get free.

    The point of the above described exercise is to make the intention more real. You might ask, why would I need up to 15 minutes? Well because even if you have a clear goal in mind, the words are not enough. You need to feel them at an emotional level. The intention is where thoughts meet feelings. As you think, so you shall feel, as you feel, so shall you desire, as you desire, so you shall will. As you will, so you shall act. As you act, so shall you become.
     
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  12. Settle

    Settle Fapstronaut

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    Very powerful and wise words. I have been having so much anxiety lately and want to just go ahead and fap and this will hopefully help me get past at least today. Will definitely try out your tips on iestablishing the strong and powerful Intention.
    I have been having so many thoughts of just giving up and gapping but hopefully I can make it past y)day and tomorrow will be better
     
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  13. boyrose

    boyrose Fapstronaut

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    Appreciate the long post; long is my kind of post. And perhaps, you can make this post just a little longer by responding to my question related to your post: What is an example of a nofap intention. Is it the same idea like the book “think and grow rich” when the author talks about intention?

    I know I have to come up with my own intention. But will you give me an example of a nofap intention, so I can be more clear on exactly what I’m doing when creating this intention and practicing it.

    Thanks.
     
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  14. Prince Macintosh

    Prince Macintosh Fapstronaut

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    I think that's dangerous thinking. We BP folks have an extremely high suicide risk. I'd be long dead if it weren't for my meds, my child, and my wife, in that order. Don't go off your meds, they may be the only thing keeping you alive. Quitting porn requires re-wiring the risk-reward centers of your brain. You can't "quit" bipolar. Our brains are broken in the sense that they don't produce necessary chemicals in correct amounts.
     
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  15. JJones

    JJones Fapstronaut

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    I reset again on 4/21/2021 and finished the relapse at 1230. I just finished my first NoFap sobriety call.
     
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  16. Steveal3aneef1

    Steveal3aneef1 Fapstronaut

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    Stay strong bro, relapsing is part of the recovery just don't dwell on it, and don't get tempted to binge as well.
     
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  17. richsimm22

    richsimm22 Fapstronaut

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    What we're your reasons for giving up Coffee. I don't drink much coffee but I drink alot of chicory root powder which to me tastes just like coffee but has all the health benefits to it.
     
  18. boyrose

    boyrose Fapstronaut

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    Giving up caffeine is easy by comparison. Sexual desire never leaves. Caffeine cravings can leave your system with time. I've quit pop and coffee. A former addict now no longer crave it.
     
  19. boyrose

    boyrose Fapstronaut

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    Does anyone reward themselves for making progress? And does anyone give themselves a little punishment for setbacks?

    I was listening to a porn recovery podcast on spotify; and he was telling a story about driving and getting speeding tickets. And after he got a couple tickets, and that financial sting kicks in, it don’t take long to learn to slow down.

    I was thinking about trying something; and it will be expensive, but I think it will be worth a try to see if it helps me step up my game a little. For starters, just try it for 30 days and see what happens. Real simple reward and punishment idea: every time I hit 10 consecutive days (so like: 10, 20 30, 40, 50, etc), I reward myself with a massage at a massage parlor. And every time I relapse, I have to spend 100-150 dollars for a 1 hour session with a sex therapist.

    These 10 day sessions that i put together need to be about more than just not jerking off. nofap, plus good diet, weight training, a written nofap plan that I tweak and adjust every 7 days to better fit what’s working and what is not. In some way shape or form I need to get a live accountability partner that I see once a week. There’s 15 churches in my town. There has to be a free counseling service at one of these churches, somebody I can just sit down with once a week and use as a free accountability partner.

    That is my project for next week. Find some kind of accountability partner in the flesh that i meet with once a week. If I have to, I’ll do a weekly confessional with the same priest every week and use him as an accountability partner in the flesh. But I need to find one within a week from today. I feel like that is the next thing that is missing in my recovery.
     

  20. I really like the way you are thinking about this.


    I do punish myself if I start to slip on some of my disciplines. Funny statement to make but, My 'favorite punishment' is fasting. It is like opposite of watching porn. With porn it's easy to do and painful to live with, fasting is hard to start but so peaceful to live with it.

    I find this with most healthy things, at first they are hard to do like eating on time, and only for nutrition but then it feels easier to live, and self indulgance is fun and easy to do now but its painful to live with.
     
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