35 and older accountability, Group 2

I know it may not feel like it but thank you for giving us hope with your streak. You have the pools and potential to continue and extend your journey beyond that streak. May you have the strength, wisdom and courage to go get it.

 

Thank you Brother - appreciate your reflection and having you and the rest of guys here been extremely helpful to me as well, without this group I'm fairly certain i would have gone back at one of my weaker moments.

 

I managed to get past the one-week streak. The week-ends were always the part that got me, and this week-end was tricky but I managed to stay on track. I'm noticing dirty thoughts and I even had dreams about watching porn, but my actions seem to be better under control.

 

Celebrating today as it marks the achievement of the goal I made of doing hard mode for 120 days! Humbled, grateful, but I continue to be vigilant as it's so easy to slip as we all know. Aiming for the next summit of 180 days. Let's go!!!

 

I have have a bad couple of days. Sometimes I wonder how my actions could, at times (when engaged in PM) be so incongruent with my values. Well, back at it again.

 

This will be one of the many attempts i have gone through to get rid of this behavior. I wouldn't say that i have succeeded this time and will keeping up with the streak longer. I have managed to keep track of all the triggers and managed to avoid them by closely monitoring them.

My goal is to understand why i have choose to watch digital content when i have so many things to do in life.

I have gone through many post from users on this forum, and have also tried to work on what they believe is the right approach in overcoming PMO. Some have worked for me and some not that much, i guess that is because we all are different and it depends on our environment more then our personality.

I guess all this time i have missed the most important thing, which was to have a accountability partner.
I am 30 plus of age and couldn't confide in anyone, i guess that is the reason i am fighting this on my own.

I can use some help by having an accountability partner, please add me to the group.

 

Amazing!!! That's huge man , congrats.

 

Yesterday was crazy, I felt underslept and tired and worked too long w/o break, so i was feeling fairly triggered emotionally,


Then I go for a walk in that state and met an attractive woman and we exchanged phones - all good but the challenge is I felt very sexually turned on.

Coming home I was triggered strongly to watch, it was like I wanted NOTHING ELSE but to watch porn and to have sex.

I then used the most powerful 'technique' that I genuinely know.

I dropped on my knee and prayed to God for help. I was reminded to see her not as a body but as a soul and to remember I'm not interested in one-night stands but in a genuine heart to heart connection and love.

I was then inspired to take a cold shower, leave the house and in the dog park, met new friends, connected with dogs, and I felt like the lust devil DROPPED like a ripe apple from the tree. Boom Gone, and I felt blissful again, I felt free again.

It was such a beautiful contract of how lust captures attention and covers up the bliss/love of the Presence of God, but through Grace, I had this awareness and 'little willingness to go towards it but rather give myself what I needed instead - which was a human connection, nature, re-setting my neurological and emotional system.

Next day got plenty of sleep, feeling amazing and totally free again, thank God.

 

What a win!

 

ya it was cool -

Like Emerson says we gain the power of every temptation we overcome, which I really like.

 

it's been a long battle but I uncourtly acted out in the end and the problem I binged like crazy, and the reason was I didn't take care of myself !! the only good thing is that every time I relapse I address the trigger and what went wrong and update my plan accoredingly

 

Day 5:

I had a PMO relapse 5 days ago... it was a minor binge but the day before I seemed to have a major binge of looking at P subs (no MO).

I wanted to wait to report here because I was trying to not fall into it again due to the chaser urges. Fortunately I didn't fall again so it was only 1 time of PMO relapse. I count that a good start because sometimes it's difficult to get back on track.

I feel I'm back on track now and the past 5 days haven't been too difficult. Although this morning I was feeling good and seemed to get hit by thoughts/fantasies and an increased sexual desire.

But actually even as I write this post and I'm considering @RightEffort 's post above... it seems I'm redirecting this energy and I'm inspired with potentially what to say to a woman who really has my heart. She isn't romantically interested in me but this is all another story.

 

Hey, guys, I read your posts and you are such an inspiration for me. May I join the challenge?
Thanks in advance! <3

 

Reset counter a couple of days ago. I'm now on a modified version of hardmode. I do better when I have long streaks of no PMO. We don't have sex that often but normally I pester her a bit for it because obviously I really want it. I'm going to back off a bit and let the longer streaks happen and I won't get so triggered. So basically I'm on no PM but with long steaks of no Orgasm either. I will get to 90 days.

 

Checking in.

Nofap + consistency = healing

Hope everyone's good!