35 and older accountability, Group 2

Positive Shift taking place.

Felt inspired to make some new decisions - Took massive action - Wrote goals down - Started to workout earlier - Getting accountability through friends and having 1 on 1 conversion with friends to help each other.

Taking 12,000 iu vitamin D + B6 and B12 and flax oil and really looking to give my body bunch of supplements to make my mood more established.

Booked an appointment with psychologist and a psychiatrist. Full lab work done.

Feeling grateful and determined.

Longest without porn in almost a year!

 

That’s great choice to help others. Are you feeling grey because of seasons or weather? I got a “happy light” to give me light on gray days and I find in short 5-10 minutes cycles and it makes it easier to get through dark days.

 

each hour keep taking the next right step. You are a boss with all the positive steps you have already taken.

 

Hung over today.... Old me would have fapped the day away lol

New me: up early and getting after it.

Next check in after 100 days.

 

I love it!

I was once dating a runner - she used to tell me the best medicine for hung over is a good run.

Thankfully I am totally dry and dont touch alcohol but if idd, I would run like a Mofo the next day

 

Interesting, a friend of mine also likes it - I have been doing tanning and was hoping it does the same thing, will def look into it.

I think I just a condition of a lifetime, I sometimes feel really high and sometimes really low -had some doctors say it may be bipolar but I don't really buy into the labels.

Also in my life situation, I have been a little stuck, financially with business and relationships. After reaching a level of success few years ago - i had a set back and i pretty much lost everything but because of my ego i haven't been willing to go back to step 1 and build i back up slowly i kept trying to jump back to step 10, which is why it has taken years to overcome the same set back.

But thankfully now I'm aware - and have gone back to step 1 and 2 and so and building back up slowly

 

Check-in 11/30/2019. Many good changes in my life the past several weeks, for which I am grateful and happy: Living life with honesty and purpose; reconnecting with family; making friends; tapering to my lowest dose of alprazolam in years; and exerting more physical and positive energy and focus (I feel much younger than 48).

Work continues to be a challenge, though.

I am struggling to make any sales, and I am avoiding the phone and interacting with prospects and customers.

Last week was a short week (thank God!) but it felt brutal. No sales whatsover.

Even worse: my colleagues ARE making sales, and instead of humbling myself, acknowledging their success, learning from them, and feeling inspired by them, I'm (secretly) choosing resentment and anger toward them.

Here's what I'm realizing: I am still an angry, insecure, and fearful person.

It seems like I have struggled with insecurity and inferiority my entire life, which in turn keeps me enveloped in loneliness, bitterness, frustration, fear, and anger.

In the midst of challenge and struggle, I often choose to quit. I have abandoned friendships, family, relationships, and careers.

How will I handle this struggle? Do I have what it takes to make it through this time?

I will continue to ask for God's help, and I will NOT give up this time. I WILL see this through. Even though I'm having challenges, I WILL stick to this job. I have been with this company for nearly 5 years, my longest tenured job ever.

I've succeeded at this job before, and I am going to do it again. I'm in good health, I'm happier than I've felt in years, and I'm free from marijuana, alcohol, PMO, and p-subs.

I can do this.

 

Congratulations @RightEffort! Thank you for inspiring me with the undertaking of your new decisions. Of all the things you shared, I most appreciate your writing goals.

I have been recording my goals the past several weeks, the old fashioned way, with paper and pen, and I feel a much greater sense of purpose and accountability.

I enjoy writing my agendas, especially during the weekends. I title each page in my notebook with the Date and "Goal Sheet." The night before, I write what I plan on doing the next day. Every minute of each day, I KNOW what I will be doing, where I will be going, and what I will be accomplishing. My notebook stays near me at all times while I'm at home. It's good for me to SEE what I have written.

I often re-read my Goal Sheet to reinforce what I intend to get done, especially right before I leave my house, again as a reminder of the goals I intend to accomplish, of the path that I intend to follow.

Putting pen to paper is helping me maintain a life free from PMO (and other destructive habits), and it is helping me accomplish short- and long-term goals.

I wish you continued success on your chosen path

 

@krdt welcome to the group and congrats on nearly 100 days of meeting your goals!

One of the many unexpected postive changes in my life: I go to bed early, and I rise early (without the aid of an alarm clock).

 

You can do this.

Your post is one of my favorite I’ve seen in an online forum. I respect your honesty and self reflection. Your post is me. Thank you.

My own honesty:

I blame others for my mistakes. I am hypocritical with expectations of me versus my wife. I use recovery and spirituality to justify in my mind why I am better than people who are more successful than me.

 

My last publication was last Sunday, November 24(Day 73 without PM). This week I have taken my Bible studies to another level.
Last weekend I was sick, with a fever. My interpretation: being more than two months without PM, my mind is regenerating, and that caused temporary discomfort in me. The amazing thing was that despite that, I was able to study and attend the Church.

Monday D74: I woke up early, went to work and tried my best. Things there, thank God, are beginning to improve. My hard work is being rewarded, but I must continue to pray. In the afternoon, at home, I studied Sanctification, and I continue to discover incredible things about my faith. I didn't have time to write in Nofap because I studied all day.

Tuesday D75: Early I was in theology class. I turned in my homework before time, since I finished it on Sunday. My teacher is delighted that I am so passionate about the Bible. Then I was in my afternoon class. Although I am tired of this asignature, I did my best anyway. In the afternoon I taught my class as a teacher. I explained the Sanctification, among other resources, using sea snails ... everything went better than I thought.

Wednesday D76: I worked in the morning. They assigned me more work, but instead of getting bitter, I trusted God and assumed it. In the afternoon, I was studying all day for my next class (Sanctification, part two).

Thursday D77: Morning studying with enthusiasm. In the afternoon I went to my class. I got bored enough. I am looking forward to finishing the subject. Soon it will be the exam. Then, I went to my Church, to the prayer meeting. At night, at home, I continued studying.

Friday (Yesterday) D78: In the morning I went to work. I advanced a lot with my tasks, so I was very calm. God will soon work the miracle I hope. At home, I chose not to isolate a meeting to move forward with my studies. At night, long trip to my parents' house. I took the trip to read.

Saturday (today) D79: I woke up early. I couldn't go for a walk with my dog, so I stayed at home reading an excellent book that every good Christian should read ("Christianity in Crisis: 21st Century" by Hank Hanegraaff). I reached page 145/442. In a while I will go from my parents' house to my house, and I hope to grill the rest of the day studying the Bible (most people could say of me: "What a boring young man" ... but for me there is nothing better in this world that end my Saturday with the Word of my God)

 

Thank you very much for your words of encouragement. Finally I can respond to your positive message. I hope that God grants you the same, and that we can leave this sin of PM forever behind.

I speak Spanish, so I can help

 

Hey man, I really enjoy reading your writings and sincerity.

I also relate to your challenges on many levels, about quitting when shit gets challenging and resenting other's success, etc.

I really love the end of your post - you started with reflecting how you have been, what you have been feeling and then at the end you just declared that regardless of the challenges, you will see through this.

That is the spirit of a warrior - that is the power that I am turning into.

I also say that all those character flaws are part of our ego/false identity, and it is our soul/god our true identity that is becoming the leader of our lives -

Also regarding sales, I am also in sales and very familiar with challenges with sales, we can do some kind of accountability to improve on that.

it is like any skills, its the mindset, having goals and then making sure we hit the numbers by a specific day.

Also its hit and miss some weeks are better than others,we gotta look at it in the long.

I can tell from reading that you write your goals and your willingness to give up porn and selfishness you are on the top 2% of the people.

I have no question if you really want to you can totally CRUSH it at work.

 

Hope everyone is having a good weekend!
I also have a 'happy light' and it works well in the winter.

 

Doing well here. Basically no urges. Maybe because I'm traveling and seeing lots of friends and family. Or maybe just because I haven't seen my Ph.D. advisor in over two weeks?

 

Update -

Noticing a little sense of loneliness today. Having no urges for porn but having urges for sex with other beautiful women I meet.

Not pursuing anyone - I feel every time I pursue it leads to suffering, also I think when I feel lonely is the worst time to pursue someone, cause it is coming from a sense of lack and neediness.

I feel the best way for me now is to be content and let my joy express itself naturally to whoever life may bring me, rather than seeking her.

In the meantime focusing on working out, martial arts, hot yoga, singing, nature and using the extra energy to do creative work, like doing some writing, drawing or using my computer to create something interesting - or just dive right into the feeling of loneliness head-on and fully be with it.

Ps. Great video

 

D80. Today I woke up early, and spent all day studying for my class. I went to the Church in the afternoon and I rehearsed for the play. I had to endure my brothers in Christ making fun of ... and I'm used to it. Let them be seen with God, they won't stop me.

 

Thanks for the offer. I will take it up early next year. Let me learn some more through Duolingo

 

I tried ayurvedic herb Ashwagandha during stressful times. It really helped. This herb is tested by many published studies with positive results. It is available on Amazon. I can tell more if anyone interested.