My turn to check in. Desire for P almost non-existent. Desire for M - probably 4 out of 10. I have had an incredibly busy month, which is when I feel like I need a “release.” Curiously enough, I had two nocturnal emissions over the span of one week (one of them without dreams and Both without accompanying feelings of any kind). It felt like my body was just resetting and managing fluids without my conscious input. My biggest temptation these days is to give myself the pleasure of M. I used to do it in pretty elaborate and weird ways sometimes. The memories of those fapping sessions both disgust and intrigue me. I have noticed that the feelings of shame are giving way to something else. Honesty, integrity, self-emptying love are coming to the forefront of what I want to see in my life. I don’t know if the cycle of “desire, then fap, then feel ashamed, then feel the desire for cleanliness” is completely broken, but it is definitely less pronounced and I begin to lift my head a little and look up on other goals. When I first started out, even with 50-100 days under my belt (before the first relapse and before I entered this group), deep down I knew I would go back to fapping because ultimately I felt like it was “worth” it. I did not see a reason not to fap once in a while. I now see how much of my energy was taken up by it. I was it. My desire for self-betterment was fuelled often by disgust and shame of my fapping. And that’s a bad fuel because it runs out quickly. I now cannot even remember my earlier mindset. I am thankful for this process, this group, my children and ultimately my Father for taking me to this place. Have a good weekend, gents. Act responsibly. PMO requires your effort of will. You do not stumble into it. So stop yourself. Do not extend yourself into PMO. It’s grip on you will only get stronger if you give it your efforts. I end with this passage that’s been on my mind for sometime. “If you do well, will not your countenance be lifted up? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door; and its desire is for you, but you must master it."