35 and Older Accountability Group

Discussion in 'Accountability Partners' started by artifact, Nov 24, 2018.

  1. Timber

    Timber Fapstronaut

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    My turn to check in. Desire for P almost non-existent. Desire for M - probably 4 out of 10. I have had an incredibly busy month, which is when I feel like I need a “release.” Curiously enough, I had two nocturnal emissions over the span of one week (one of them without dreams and Both without accompanying feelings of any kind). It felt like my body was just resetting and managing fluids without my conscious input.

    My biggest temptation these days is to give myself the pleasure of M. I used to do it in pretty elaborate and weird ways sometimes. The memories of those fapping sessions both disgust and intrigue me.

    I have noticed that the feelings of shame are giving way to something else. Honesty, integrity, self-emptying love are coming to the forefront of what I want to see in my life. I don’t know if the cycle of “desire, then fap, then feel ashamed, then feel the desire for cleanliness” is completely broken, but it is definitely less pronounced and I begin to lift my head a little and look up on other goals.

    When I first started out, even with 50-100 days under my belt (before the first relapse and before I entered this group), deep down I knew I would go back to fapping because ultimately I felt like it was “worth” it. I did not see a reason not to fap once in a while.

    I now see how much of my energy was taken up by it. I was it. My desire for self-betterment was fuelled often by disgust and shame of my fapping. And that’s a bad fuel because it runs out quickly.

    I now cannot even remember my earlier mindset. I am thankful for this process, this group, my children and ultimately my Father for taking me to this place.

    Have a good weekend, gents. Act responsibly. PMO requires your effort of will. You do not stumble into it. So stop yourself. Do not extend yourself into PMO. It’s grip on you will only get stronger if you give it your efforts.

    I end with this passage that’s been on my mind for sometime.

    “If you do well, will not your countenance be lifted up? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door; and its desire is for you, but you must master it."
     
  2. Very good point.
     
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  3. Wolf2019

    Wolf2019 Fapstronaut

    Encouraged, inspired, and challenged by these last posts from @Timber and @jcforreal

    Thank you guys.
     
  4. GottaBFree

    GottaBFree Fapstronaut

    It’s clear you want it wolf. That’s huge. I believe in you.

    Just needs to be 1 hour at a time to start a streak.
    —-

    My check in... I don’t care if it’s less than 24 hours, I’m in a battle.

    I fought off an urge to stay up late last night and just told myself “I will make it another day and I will not stay up late since I know what drives that desire”.

    I’m going to make it to tonight and will recommit them. For my wife kids and those in the community I serve better when I’m free of PM, I will beat this addiction for another 12 hours.
     
  5. Circleinthesquare

    Circleinthesquare Fapstronaut

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    Check in sat night, not feeling urges currently but up by myself with a beer in my hand and things could change if I am not strong. Thanks to last few posts, some sensible stuff being talked. ​
     
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  6. Timber

    Timber Fapstronaut

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    I believe in you!
     
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  7. Circleinthesquare

    Circleinthesquare Fapstronaut

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    Going to bed, managed not to PM. An achievement!
     
  8. Thanks for the input. I had a chance to practice this earlier today, actually.
     
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  9. Glad to hear. God Bless Wolf :emoji_pray:
     
    Wolf2019 likes this.
  10. Circleinthesquare

    Circleinthesquare Fapstronaut

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    sunday morning check in! woke up at 2 and then several times after that until i settled down at about 4. Can't put my finger on why but im sure it was something to do with my current streak. body does feel strange at the moment!
     
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  11. 2pres90

    2pres90 Fapstronaut

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    I had to reset yesterday after lazily surfing and then giving in, but November has been a great month for me and I have more winning days in 2019 than in any previous year since I’ve been tracking. I started 2019 with my longest streak of 38 days, and I see this morning that there are exactly 38 days left of 2019. I want to end this year tying the streak that opened the year and enter 2020 with a new all-time best.
    Last NY Eve, I stood on a terrace watching fireworks and determined to build a streak; this year, watching those fireworks, I want to celebrate a streak and continue with momentum.
     
  12. Wolf2019

    Wolf2019 Fapstronaut

    Made it a day, going to make it two now.
     
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  13. Circleinthesquare

    Circleinthesquare Fapstronaut

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    relapse yesterday - such strong urges in the afternoon when I was trying to work. thinking that everytime i work now i will have a break after each 20mins. change of scene, change of room, change of mindframe. And on...
     
    artifact likes this.
  14. Wolf2019

    Wolf2019 Fapstronaut

    2 days going on 3. I can do this.
     
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  15. discovery

    discovery Fapstronaut

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    You got this my man!
     
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  16. emanuel_free

    emanuel_free Fapstronaut

    Checking in ... almost a week ! Climbing back with my cross on the back. One day at time reminding me that "It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me." Galatians 2:20

    God bless everyone's path here.
     
  17. discovery

    discovery Fapstronaut

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  18. Circleinthesquare

    Circleinthesquare Fapstronaut

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  19. Me too EM! NoFap until 2020!
     
  20. GottaBFree and discovery like this.

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