35 and Older Accountability Group

Discussion in 'Accountability Partners' started by artifact, Nov 24, 2018.

  1. Merry Terry

    Merry Terry Fapstronaut

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    Me too. Most of the jobs where I PM'd didn't last very long - mostly because they were shitty jobs - and I always wonder if it's true that I never got caught, or if people did see me but just never said anything about it and didn't have to because I never saw them again later. These kinds of memories can really trip me up sometimes, like I wasted so much of this life already that I don't know if can atone for it ever. But I guess trying nevertheless is the only option.
     
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  2. magvor

    magvor Fapstronaut
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    Well, I finally caved in. I've been fighting increasingly intense urges for almost two weeks now and they finally got the better of me.

    Heartbreaking. Frustrating. Furious with myself.

    Back to the beginning I go!
     
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  3. Well you had a very nice streak. I know how tough it can be to get back on track after a slip-up. Just keep fighting. You know that you can do it. Long streaks are practice runs for even longer ones down the road.
     
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  4. magvor

    magvor Fapstronaut
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  5. Rebooter13

    Rebooter13 Fapstronaut

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    I have read about a technique for people that are ended up in strange forms of porn that they never liked before they got addicted.They suggest to start watching , or at least when it comes to orgasm do it while watching "normal porn" while trying as much as posible to nofap.After a period doing this you can go full nofap.There are people who said that this worked for them so they managed to rewire their brains.
    What i am trying to say is that i understand the dangers of replacing porn with some other sexual habbit and i agree with you at some point but not all things are working for all people.
    Take for example the substitutes, addicts are using to get rid of their addiction, methadone for heroin or latelly weed or MDMA for alcochol etc.There is also the biological factor there but i believe you get my point.Most of us decided to go "cold turkey" trying to replace our bad habbits with simply normal and better life.This sounds very good but as you said it requires a lot of training , willingness and insight so you can see the long term benefits and do not ask for instant gratification.Those skill are exactly the skills that porn kills at that makes it more difficult.

    "Every urge will end regardless of what direction we go with it"...those are some of the most wise and real words i have read here!
     
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  6. Rebooter13

    Rebooter13 Fapstronaut

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    @discovery Congratulations for your 2nd (if it's not 3rd) 90 days streak! :)
     
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  7. Rebooter13

    Rebooter13 Fapstronaut

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    ED is most of the times a psychological problem.I believe that p addicts who had sexual experiences at the past could find it easier to recover though.Having sex and train your mind to be there while it is happening and not thinking about it could help a lot.
    Working out could be very helpful as well.Combining some cardio which improves your blood circulation and some weight lifting wich is naturally increasing your testosterone levels will help anyone boost his libido.Aside from that working out helps our mood a lot and some people have mentioned that it keeps them focused on their nofap streak.
     
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  8. discovery

    discovery Fapstronaut

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    Thanks everyone! Rebooter, it is my 3rd, but my first with pure no PMO. Raskolnikov, I am feeling good. I can't credit it all to the streak though as there have been other changes at the same time. Meditation, plus quitting caffeine, plus being stuck at home without work due to the virus means there is no work stress, something that had always been a major trigger. Plus since my life now is the most boring it has ever been, there are no real life female triggers either. To be honest, I don't think I would have had a streak like this if there were no coronavirus, as wack as that sounds. But the spring is normally insanely busy for me in my field and I doubt I would have made it. Another thing that has been motivating me is this feeling of 'getting my money's worth' for this corona situation. It's like if I'm gonna deal with this shit, I might as well get something out of it (the streak).

    All that being said, it almost feels like I can feel those neural pathways decaying. The urges are way less frequent, and when they do come, they are less powerful and shorter in duration. Much easier to fight off. But the urges still definitely come. It's a matter of not letting my guard down and remembering that I still need to take them seriously or I will lose it.

    @magvor don't sweat losing your 74 days. That is pretty long and it will go a long way towards success in your next streak.

    @David2018 , maybe consider switching from chat rooms to regular porn as step 1? It lines up perfectly with what Rebooter said above about people addicted to extreme porn dropping down to regular porn first as a stepping stone towards quitting. Some time back I started getting into the chat rooms and I found it way more stimulating than porn because these were girls that were really there in real time that you could interact with, whereas porn is all pre-recorded. And for me at least I was spending WAY less time with porn than the chat rooms. This 4.5 hours at a time thing has got to go man, seriously.
     
  9. You bring up a good point. I suppose there are people that would be served well by using some sort of "methadone" for awhile. If a person can stick to p-subs then I can see how that could work for them as an initial step. It's definitely worth a try. I've tried it numerous times and it never worked for me. I always ended up going backwards rather than forwards. I'm not any good with moderation when it comes to my vices.
     
  10. I'm glad to hear that. It's a good reminder to me that positive change does take place from this journey. It's easy to forget that when times are tough. Strong work.
     
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  11. Jerky

    Jerky Fapstronaut

    Today is day 18. I was met with major temptation a short while ago which i almost gave into. But for the Grace of God i remain clean today. It is only through Him that i was able to escape the clutches of my sin.

    Amen and Praise be to God.
     
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  12. GottaBFree

    GottaBFree Fapstronaut

    I think any step in the right direction is a good step. I’m sure in some cases people need to rewire closer to the real sex they want to have later.

    One thing about P is it’s always leading you further away from the happy life and it can lead us into really weird places if we let it.

    Psubs are the same for me where I don’t limit it there. They just lead to P. Fapping without P just leads to fapping with P for me.

    Limiting the amount of time with P is important for me and trying to recover quickly after is also important. That’s a baby step that does help me. I’m trying to fall no worse than that.

    @David2018 we’ve got your back buddy. Keep moving forward. Your new commitment to yourself will take dedication, but you’ve got it.
     
    Last edited: Jul 20, 2020
  13. GottaBFree

    GottaBFree Fapstronaut

    Nice! Those difficult wins build a better way of life.

    That’s a sign to me I need to be extra vigilant for 2-3 days. I think the brain gets a taste of those chemicals it likes and temptation can be extra strong as it wants more for a time.
     
  14. Jerky

    Jerky Fapstronaut

    Indeed i am ready to do battle again. The war is never over and the enemy is relentless.
     
  15. David2018

    David2018 Fapstronaut

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    Yes, it really has to go. I can spend hours a day, multiple times it seems. I'm sore from it.
    I do find that just regular porn isn't the same. Can be a few minutes and done. Working on doing nothing. Need a new hobby. Maybe I'll take up knitting.
     
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  16. Pirate3819

    Pirate3819 Fapstronaut

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    I agree with everything @Raskolnikov II said in his post.

    IMO, I don't think anyone gets rid of their addictions, they change their lifestyle to cope with it. All addicts gain control over their lives by learning how to cope with their thoughts, sensations, and triggers. Like me, I assume, most people have used P for most of our lives. Think about it, if a person started watching P between 8 -13 years old and now that person is 35, that means that person have been watching P for approximately 63 -77% of their lives. It can be inferred that the brain is deeply wired to P, so it will take sometimes to fully learn the life skills that works for you to cope with your addiction.

    I have been activity trying to quit PM for about 5 years now even though I noticed that I had a serious P problem about 9-10 years ago. My triggers/traps are being bored at home, movies with beautiful women, flashbacks of sexual encounters and falling for the classical "you've been doing so good, it won't hurt to take a peak." type of thoughts.

    My coping strategies is to keep myself busy when I am home alone, like reading, writing, listening to podcasts or calling family or friends. I try to only watch TV with my wife. I cope with my thoughts by noticing, acknowledging (I say to myself "I noticed I am thinking about watching P"), and bring my attention to the feeling in my body. This helps my mind habitual the feeling and over time the feeling gets less intense.

    However, once an addict, always an addict, so staying vigilant is the key for me. So when I relapse, I try to not fall in the shame/guilt feeling because research shows that it makes it harder to recover. So I give myself credit for having the courage for going on the streak and remind myself of the other streaks I have gone on. In fact, I keep a journal how my streaks in my phone. I force myself write where, why, and how I relapsed and I keep up with how many times I watch P in a year. I use "Manhood" app to help track the amount of time I wasted watching P. This helps me put my journey in perspective. Sometimes, I read my notes to discourage myself from relapsing. Before joining this group, I probably been over 90 days quite a few times in the last 4 years. I have came ALONG ways from watching P everyday for several years. I really believe one day I will overcome this addiction and learn to cope with the triggers.

    I tend to struggle during the summer months, but I have started a new routine by meditating and going for a jog before I start work. This seems to help me get through the afternoon, which is the time that I am the most vulnerable.

    No, I don't believe it is natural to PM at all. However, it is natural to have sexual thoughts to motivate you to go reproduce, but nature wasn't intending for us to reproduce with a computer/tablet/phone screen.

    I deleted ALL my social media when I got serious about NOFAP. I highly suggest everyone to do that. Studies show that social media is not that good for mental health overall. So it is a win, win situation. Plus, it forcing you to contact friends and family if you want to talk/keep up with them.
     
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  17. Axel Foley

    Axel Foley Fapstronaut

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    Tired.. Exhausted.. Could've took a nap. Blew it instead. Even knew beforehand, and still did it. Don't even think I was horny. It was pointless. Back to Day 0.
     
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  18. Jerky

    Jerky Fapstronaut

    Glad you stayed. Some stay away. I was one of those and stayed away for 6 months. You're still here. That's progress.
     
  19. JJ_Kino

    JJ_Kino Fapstronaut

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    Congrats dude!!
     
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  20. David2018

    David2018 Fapstronaut

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    Good luck. Happens to the best of us.
     
  21. Rebooter13

    Rebooter13 Fapstronaut

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    So what i am noticing from your answer is that the only thing that radically changes after a big nofap streak is that you are learning to response to the triggers in a different way.And that's the only thing which can lead to better results in long term.This way you are building a better and more meaningful live and change your habbits.
    If i have to conclude it in one sentence it would be like "taking small steps and be more mindful".
    Something i think is difficult to change though is finding your way back after a relapse and from personal experience the shame feeling you mentioned is the biggest problem.I have noticed that as well and i decided to face my relapses in a different mindset.Since then i noticed a big change in my mood even after b2b relapses.
     

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