35 and Older Accountability Group

Mega urges today but didn't give in.

Feels good

 

I have read the rules and would like to join this group. 37 years, broke 5 day streak today. Planning for 14 days.

Also, how do I add a counter? The forum-counter link I got from the newbie docs does not seem to be working.

 

Thanks JJ!

Awesome! It really is a war of attrition. You just have to keep at it.

 

@discovery Congratulations on 90 days! I will follow your lead.

 

Thanks man! You got this, Jerky!

 

Excellent post. You seem to have a lot of awareness and skills to battle this addiction. I am at 15 days for the first time in 30 years and this site has been the only way I got this streak. So many others' stories have made me realize things about myself that now help me battle this. Stay strong!

 

Don't be too tough on yourself. Gain awareness of what was happening during those two weeks and come up with your methods of dealing with that for next time. Reach out here if you're getting follow-on urges to your relapse. Stay strong.

 

And I'm back to the top!! Let's keep climbing we have to beat this we can't let PMO tell us what to do we shouldn't be slaves of it I firmly believe that we haven't born for that!!

 

A question.

I'm struggling with another huge relapse that I really did not see coming. I had been contemplating a lot lately about the nature of P: why I look at it, what I hope to get from it vs. what I actually get from it. And I thought I had really reached a new understanding of it, to the point that I thought, alright, I really don't see myself going back there ever again. And then bam! Worst relapse since I started on this forum last November hits me. Really, really bad. And I really, really did not see this coming.

Now I'm a bit conflicted what to learn from this and how to go further.

On the one hand, I feel like this has shown me that I'm still much more addicted than I keep thinking, and I need to find a way of reminding myself of this on a structural basis. For example, I could write "I am addicted to P and every innocent-looking P-sub can lure me back to it so I have to stay away from any sex-related thoughts and content" in my diary every day.

But on the other hand, that goes against this reasoning that I see here a lot and that I've been trying to apply, which states that you should create this new reality for yourself in which you no longer care for P. You keep telling yourself "I am no longer a person who does this" until it becomes the truth.

This latter strategy seems to me to be the most positive and potentially successful, but then again, it basically means that you're lying to yourself to a certain degree and you set yourself up to fail because you don't see the danger coming when it does.

So, which strategy would you recommend, where I can keep reminding myself of my addiction and don't underestimate it, yet at the same time don't focus on it too much to the point that it's this fixed reality that I don't get out of?

 

The feeling you can defeat P is a huge trigger for at least a couple of us. That kind of thought is still key to win IMO.

I think for me it’s because I feel like I can “take a break” and “get back at it later.” “No big deal”. It’s wrong. It’s difficult to get back on track.

I have defeated most trigger situations. That one is oddly one of the last that gives me the most trouble even though I’ve recognized it and givin it a name. That is all it took to defeat most of my triggers.

So I’d recommend recognizing this as new trigger if there is truth to it. If that’s what it is, I’d feel great about the progress and keep moving forward with a close eye on this trigger.

I think I’ve made progress on this one by having a couple ugly patches but not giving up hope. I’m new on this streak, but I think that trigger won’t get me as easily again.

 

(I used to have a nasty habbit of this cycle:

fail
Fail
Fail
Give up hope
Think about how horrible P is
Feel depressed I gave up hope
Success
Success
Success
Following “the rules”
Success
Success
Getting cocky, less vigilant about “the rules”
Success
Success
“I feel great, I can beat PMO!”
Repeat

 

More or less it looks like my cycle..
Sometimes i can change my mood in a few hours and going easy from "i am not going back" to "fuck it, let's do it one more time and start again tomorrow".I would guess the more you practice and try the more success lines you could add there.

In my opinion we are so dedicated to the goal of never PM again that we tempt to forget our progress so far.Realistically the goal of never PM is not easy to achieve when we have exposed ourselves so much on that.What we could do is compare our today selves to our past selves.If we do that, i am sure all off as can see some progress.Others have managed to get better streaks and have much more PM free days while others started to be more mindful about their addiction and they are in their way to start making their first good streaks.

I decided to adapt this mindset and it's not only changed my mood positively but it helped me start doing a little longer streaks.I know 7-12 days which most of my streaks are now are not that good but at the same time i know that they are much better from 0-4 days streaks i had one year back and watching that app i am using on my phone showing me that i managed to nofap around 65-70% percent of the days in the last 3-4 months gives me hope and pleasure.My only problem so far is that when a relapse is happening usually it will be followed by another one or two so this is when the "Feel depressed I gave up hope" comes..

 

I think the truth is somewhere in the middle.I can't give you any advice on that i believe you have to find the mindset which works better for you by yourself.
Keep in mind though that it's natural to balance between them until it happens.Maybe you are at the point that you are trying to understand what is happening and your thoughts are still forming in your brain.It may take some time but eventually you will find it just keep trying.

 

I have read the rules and would like to join this group
39 years old male
Day number 9

 

Cool. Welcome. Artifact will get you added or on the waitlist if we have one now.

Look at my signature under my counter. I use that link to start a new counter when I reset. It will get you started.

 

Great post.

Ive thought about it more while driving around. I think it’s like a chaser effect for me. (Chaser effect: after sex or fapping you are susceptible to having strong PM urges for the next day)

When I feel like I can finally overcome P and it’s possible there are happy chemicals getting released in my brain for sure. When it goes away there is a bit of a “down” and that’s where the weakness is. Then I feel like I’d be able to get back on track soon anyway, “so maybe one more time”

 

Day 0/90 - waiting for my counter to reset. it actually feels good to start over. Last time i stayed out for an extra day. Today i got right back in it.
Moving on.

 

My opinion/my experience...with various addictions over the course of my life. Either you are an addict or you're not. There is no gray area, or quantification like "much more addicted than I thought". If you've come to this site, you are an addict. Enough crap has happened in your life because of PMO that has brought you here. For me, the acceptance of that fact was huge. Reading about others' stories opened my eyes as to how pervasive PMO has been in my life for 30+ years. So now I see myself as a PMO addict, that's all there is to it. That's what I face in the mirror everyday. With that reality accepted, it is not so much as a "new reality" in which you no longer care for P, but an acknowledgement of what you are, your potentially unhealthy habits related to that addict, and an awareness of facing what you have to do minute by minute to stay safe. If that mindset is for you to "no longer care for P", that is one way of approaching it. But that seems a little mild-mannered. For me, it's gotta be way more deep-rooted than just not caring for it. With the help of others on this site, I've become aware of all the negative consequences of my PMO addiction and how that is not what I want my life to be. And to avoid those consequences I looked at my addiction head-on and created a tool kit of techniques to be aware of my triggers, and either avoid them or deal with them. Coming to this site helps a lot in all cases. For me it varies from focusing on it all the time especially when starting this process or at certain times/situations when I know I am at risk, to not focusing on it all. Here's the thing - over time situations that used to trigger me now barely register. But when the urge comes at me I say to myself "there it is, hello urge" - that is who I am. ok, now to my coping technique. And over time it happens without even thinking about it, it just gets done. And when it doesn't happen that easily, that's when I get more help from my own toolkit or by coming to this site. I've been trying to quit for 30 years. Before this last streak, I relapsed 13 times in 90 days. so I ain't got this beat yet. but for some reason in the last week it hasn't been so difficult. but I know that just around the corner it might be...an internet ad for women's gym apparel with a hot bikini babe and clickety click there I am getting set up for failure and a PMO session. this is just my journey. thanks to everyone for their support. stay strong.