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Discussion in 'Accountability Partners' started by artifact, Nov 24, 2018.
Good morning all, checking in. I hope to have a better week than the last three!
Yesterday afternoon was rough. In the space of about a half hour I got extremely frustrated and angry with a family member and shortly after received some really bad news. I held off PMO for a few hours but eventually gave in. And as much as I hate to admit it, in this case PMO did the trick. I calmed down and felt much more in control after that. But of course it is dangerous. It sets up the feeling in my mind that it will always be like that and as we all know, its usually not. So back at it.
Yes. Sadly I have had multiple experiences with this. You just need enough time. For you, 30 days is clearly not enough. You may need 60, 90, maybe 45 days will do it. Who knows. Just keep at it for as long as you can.
So true MT. The longer you are doing well, the more PMO is out of your caution zone, the more likely it will creep back up on you. I think of alcoholics who have been sober for decades going to meetings every week and listening to others' horror stories. It makes sure that they never drop their guard, no matter how well they're doing. And Instagram is the kiss of death. Once you go there, you are almost done.
(You are right. 7-9 were truly missed opportunities. What a shame. There was so much I felt was wrong with them. I can accept those movies as being an elaborate dream one of the main characters had after the end of RotJ. Then it makes sense. But otherwise, I like to think of the Timothy Zahn Thrawn trilogy (books) as being the true 7-9. It came out in the 1990s, was very true to the spirit of the original movies, and had George Lucas' blessing as the continuation of the story when it came out. The Thrawn character in fact will supposedly be included in Season 2 of The Mandalorian. And Jar Jar as a Sith lord, haha. Believable, considering that Yoda was first presented as a bumbling fool.)
Day 6 - staying vigilant for chaser effect while continuing intimacy with wife. The next step in dealing with my addiction to PMO. Slowing getting the strength to engage with the wife and build the wall to compartmentalize my addiction so that IRL sexuality doesn't get my mind chasing P imagery, memories, and old bad habits. Just trying hard right now.
Resetting my counter after 15 days.
That was a nice streak spenting most of these days on vacations.I have to admit even while i was away there has been some ergy moments but being away helped me ride the feeling without being able to give in.
Maybe thats a tool i brought back with me.Meditation helped a lot on that.
Checking in on a sunny Tuesday afternoon. So far, this week, it's been relatively plain sailing - no thoughts or urges to speak of at all. Long may it last!
Still here but haven't posted in a while. Feels like its been much longer though.
relapse. What started as a standard 'reset' turned into a binge of fapping. Now the self-disappointment is dragging me down.
I have to reset my counter. I just stumbled across something sexy in a non-porn-related environment and couldn't resist touching myself a little bit for a few minutes.
This made me realise: I have various strategies now for preventing myself from actively searching for content, but I don't really have any strategies for that moment when I stumble upon something by accident and my addicted brain gets transfixed by it. I know the best strategy would be to just get it of my screen immediately, but in moments like that my addiction just takes over and it often takes a few minutes before I'm able to think clearly again.
Checking in. Same old same old but tommorow is another day.
How long did it take before you felt your choice was gone? Could you have closed it down after a second? If so, there you go. If not, shake it off. I normally find there was a moment I lied to myself. Recognizing where that moment was helps.
Try not to beat yourself up.
I feel like I'm finally starting to climb out of a 4 week reset/relapse cycle and the main cause for my relapses was a cocktail of guilt, self-loathing and ambivalence.
Thanks, @magvor. Ambivalence is definitely a big component in my resets/relapse. The sense of "oh, why the hell not" always seems to push me over the edge.
This. Exactly this.
I feel like my counter is no longer strictly correct as I've been touching myself a lot more recently and today quite a lot. I just can't seem to help it at the moment...I'm feeling low and out of sorts/a a bit overwhelmed and that is always an indicator of the danger of relapse...I'm so tempted to look at porn but haven't yet. I want to keep going but finding it hard
So I'm strictly PO instead of PMO
Stay strong to avoid the P. Tell us about why you are feeling low? What is your surrounding that you can be touching yourself a lot? Perhaps a change of venue would be good for you? We are here to help you.
Good points here, comrades. Another user once told me to look in the mirror when the ambivalence hit, and tell myself why it WOULD make a difference to not relapse. Positive self-talk.
A technique I try to use for a lot of stimulus/response situations (not just PMO) is to create time between the stimulus and response. The stimuli could be a coworker comment, the kids misbehaving, a comment from the wife. Training one's mind to pause before reacting reduces (for me) the chance of bad behavior by reacting too quickly. You've taken the first step by now having awareness of this type of trigger. Try thinking through or envisioning this occurrence and establish your game plan in advance to battle your addicted brain getting transfixed. Then when it actually happens you have a thought process to rely on. You can do it. Stay strong.
Yes, now that you say it, there was actually quite some time in between the first moment I saw the image and actually touching myself and feeling like I was so deep in that I had no choice. Yesterday I thought that I was hooked from the first moment and I couldn't have stopped, but now looking back, that is not true. Yes, there was an immediate moment of 'ooh, I have to see more of this' popping up in my brain, but at that moment I could still have decided not to pursue that. It was only after pursuing it for a few minutes that I got sucked in.
Thanks for that insight! Because that first mental desire to look further and dig deeper cannot be avoided - that's just my addiction speaking, and I expect it will continue to speak to me perhaps my whole life - but acting on that desire can be avoided, as long as I'm aware of what it is and what my choices are. And that's a matter of repetition, I guess.
Thanks, yes. I actually did that today when again I came upon something stimulating and I just took a short break of just not doing anything, during which I concluded that the best thing to do was close my browser tab and move on.
I'm sorry guys, i relapsed after my longest streak of 36 days, it is very difficult to say it, i let myself down i let my wife down and i let you guys down.
i relapsed in the time that there was no P thoughts coming to me anymore, when i thought this is the new me with no PMO in my life, then out of no where it struck me when my guards were down.
But still, i'm not the old me again, i'm different, i did not binge in the relapse (and usually i would binge for days), i still feel the change in me, i will start again a new streak with the learned lessons from the previous fall, i hated the feeling after the PMO which is actually good to remember how bad and not enjoyable it was and i want to keep remembering this, Thank you guys for your support, i'm back on the NoFap track and this time will be different, i promise.