Day 14 - some good news...there is hope my friends. Some months ago I was experiencing a real lack of sensitivity that prevented O during intimacy with wife. I have only MO'd once in the last 50 days (no P). Happy to report that sensitivity is back and response is total. It seems the body CAN change back to its previous condition. This is welcome positive reinforcement to help battle my addiction and gives me another reason to avoid PMO when the urge to act out surfaces. Stay strong everyone - results can happen!
I reset with M. I did not use P or any mental imagery. I have been working with some new ideas that came out of these realizations: - sexual energy is extremely powerful because it is connected to survival and procreation; - I cannot defeat it if I Just rely on my will or the sense of accomplishment. These just make me “the guy who didn’t fap for X number of months.” This in itself does not satisfy. - just like @Raskolnikov II said, sexual energy needs to be transmuted. I think it means it has to be subsumed into something that is more potent than survival and procreation. This is the only way to win. So, I recently discovered that a life of self-sacrifice is a very potent force. I try giving my time and possessions every opportunity I get. The rush I get from this is crazy! It feels cleansing too. I am also working with a mantra “I’m a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God” (there’s a really cool discussion about mantras in Ram Dada’s book about bhagavat Gita). The idea is to repeat it as often as possible and to offer whatever feelings I have to the mantra... including lust, shame, etc - whatever accompanies PMO. It becomes the primary narrative that runs on the back of my mind. everything else becomes a sidenote (something I experience but not something that fully absorbs my attention). I have to say that when I do it, it does take the pleasure out of M and lust. They are just not the same anymore. I have only been saying my mantra for a few days but I am noticing a change in my mind already. I am actually looking forward to seeing what will happen next.
Thanks @artifact !! I'm working hard everyday to stay "sober". God knows how much I'm fighting to stay where I stand, I'm going to keep doing it this group is always a great help and support during my times of crisis ! Let's keep moving to the top!
Jesus, I'm in a bad place. I'm binging. Monday, Tuesday, almost thought I was out of it on Wednesday, but today I'm back at it again. What's wrong with me? I need some encouraging words, people...
Checking in... Into day 6! Initial goal is not to release semen for the remaining days of this month(August).
To begin with plan not to waste your vital seed for the next 24 hours. You can do this. Many on this forum have done this before and they are all homo sapiens!
I didn't even waste my seed, I edged for hours. Don't know if that's worse or better. I know it's very bad, that's for sure.
Ha! God, I wish I could do that. During my vacation I was 2 weeks almost not online and it was so easy to stay away from PM. Now I have to work from home alone at my computer the whole day, and I can't just walk away from that. And my work was insanely stressful this week. Well, there's no excuses. I know what I have to do, I know what works and what doesn't. I just still sometimes make the stupid choices, that have proved time and time again to be very stupid.
it’s not stupid! Give yourself some credit. The part of you that wants PMO is nothing but ingenious! Just come here every time you want to diddle yourself and write something. It’s a bone killer! then take a break and go for a walk/take a cold shower, look at pics of your kids, etc. Good luck!
I agree with Timber. When you start to edge, the most important thing is to stop yourself and get away from the internet. You are jonesing like a junky when that happens. You have to distract yourself with some physical task before the urges get to overwhelming. Do something productive that is not related to the internet or television. If you stay busy the urge will eventually give up and you'll be back on track. Now if I can just follow my own advice.
@gearboxwhine - we have an opening in the group and you are next on the waiting list. Please reply to this comment if you are still interested in joining.
I'll be gone for a week and it should be relatively easy to stay sober. It'll be yet another reminder that I don't need this crap. Of course I'll come back home and have to face the computer.
MT - you do know what to do and have done it before. What is different this time - alone with the computer? For me in that situation, getting to this site when the urge hits is the single most valuable thing I can do to stay sober. We are all here to support you. Stay strong.
I've been down about what I perceive as a lack of progress. Aw well. I'd be lying if I said I didn't want a life PM free, so the only thing to do is not quit and not abandon hope.
