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Discussion in 'Accountability Partners' started by artifact, Nov 24, 2018.
Just checking in....
Yes still like to join please.
f'ed up again, its amazing how one thought can trigger the cascade...
Checking in.. feeling the urges tonight for first time since starting this streak... Praying I can ride them out.
Things haven't gone so well recently, haven't been able to put together a consistent run, although the need to watch porn hasn't been there, the urges to fap have been too much to resist.
Keeping my eye on things during this run, keep strong lads.
Day 18 - feeling down and out today. Keeping thinking about escaping my feelings with P. trying to figure out another diversion but I'm stuck.
Another day..nothing new. Got up early and went to an online chat room. Spent about 3 hours there. Then later in the day did another 3 hours or so. Then to my surprise my wife wanted to have sex lol. After 6 hours of PMO today. Well that didn't work.
I'm not giving up. I'm here. But I do wonder what's different today than the other 1000 times I tried to stop.
The difference is panic. Stress. I've been analysing my relapses from the last months and that's it everytime. When I'm calm and sure of myself, I feel no need for PM whatsoever. I know it doesn't bring me anything but frustration. But then there's moments that I just freak out, because of work or a fight with my girlfriend or something, and I don't think clearly anymore. The idea of coming to this site doesn't even occur to me in this moments.
So what I have to do is catch it sooner. As soon as my breath is getting faster, or I feel like I have to postpone my lunch with 15 mins because I should finish some e-mail sooner - those are signs that I'm getting stressed and I have to stop it there. And I'm gonna recite some mantras every 30 mins that I'm at the computer, so that hopefully they're still in the back of my mind when I'm in a state of panic.
Ah yeah, that sucks... I've been there.
See if you can find some difference between the days when you do PMO and when you don't. What drives you in that direction?
I have added you to the ranking. Welcome to the group! You are starting off great in the number 5 spot.
I am delighted to say I have made it to 64 days now without looking at any P....I don't feel close to using it at all although more tempted by M and O but mostly managing to keep away from that also. Now heading for 90 days
Checking in from zero day and after some back to back relapses.
I prefer to see this as a break and reconcile with the weekness i shown the last days rather than hating myself, it reduces the after effects on my mood.
Tomorrow i am starting the month on a new job with new opportunities and hopefully a new better sreak starting from today.That's better mindset!
A few months back i've made a decision to not have a clear target on my streaks and this have removed a lot of pressure helping me to make one 15 days and one 18 days streak (personal records for this year so far) but now i feel like i need a more clear target.This will help me during weekends because i don't see myself relapsing midweek because i noticed it alters my mood the next days and i don't want to go to my new york with that guilty feeling, avoiding people and eye contact.I want to have clear mind and be capable to focus on my job.
So i will set the target to 3 weeks challenging myslef on nofap after a lot o time.Let's see how it works.
This is how I feel at the moment. I am basically giving myself a break. That said I am still logging into NF daily and resetting my counter. I said before that I am kind of like an on/off switch. I can also say that my success/failures come in waves.
Don't mean to sound pessimistic, but I feel like I've come to a realization regarding the members here who have had some impressive, long streaks only to struggle again badly afterwards. I think that before you hit a long streak, you have this belief in your head that once you do, everything will be a lot easier afterwards. But then you go straight back to square one. It's like that long streak never mattered at all. So its harder to get back on that again. That's been my experience at least and I know that some of you can relate.
Anyways, best of luck to everyone.
Mr Artifact please reset my counter.
I am sharing the same opinion and experiences with you.Suddenly you stop caring about everything and this thing starts eating you again.
Sometimes watching other people here stoping a good streak and then finding it difficult to get back on track makes me think that this is never going to end.And then when i am going deeper with that i am thinking that it's only natural to have sexual erges that you want to satisfy and we are thinking of our streaks with the wrong way.A never ending streak is almost imposible to happen but many good streaks in a raw will make the difference.What's the difference on relapsing every 100 or every 200 days?In both cases you've done a good job.
But then if you are not careful or very willing about your goals, the addiction problem comes up which makes it easier to keep relapsing or loose your track.. and my thoughts are going back to an endless cycle when i am thinking again that this is not going to end because of that...
These, maybe philosophical thoughts are in my mind the last months after starting paying more attention in this group.I think the answer on my last paragraph is in the last sentence, you have to be careful and willing to try again.It's ok if you relapse unless you have the willingness to keep going.This happens everyday in our lifes.We keep failing and we keep trying since our first day on this planet... Said the guy with zero days on his counter
I've admitted that I am a PMO addict. Addiction is addiction. Either you commit to sobriety or you don't. In AA they say "one drink is too many and a thousand is never enough". For me, that approach HAS to be my intention. And yes - to the previous posters - it's likely NEVER going to be easy. Less difficult on some days, for sure. PMO is a complex addiction; the intrusion of the internet/dopamine reward system to the human mind maybe isn't yet fully understood. I do know this, that underlying the sexual addiction issues with PMO is an addiction to the screen. And screen addiction takes many forms - we've all seen them. This PMO variety is horrible because it interferes with a deeply emotional, psychological, and physical function - sex. Maybe all of our focus on "streaks" 30, 60, 90 days whatever and the counter is too much pressure and unhealthy for us. How about we just focus on it day by day? Stay strong everyone.
Mr artifact... How do I join this accountability group?... Like to join & give it a try if I may... R.
However... This is day one for me.
Checking in after a week "unplugged". It's been good to get away from computers and the Internet - as far as that's ever possible!
This morning is feeling a bit like hard work, but catching up here seems to be helping.
Feels like its been alot longer than it has. Though its only today i need to be concerned with.
I agree. My big problem is chatrooms but when I go a few weeks without PMO/Chatrooms I'll start to feel that I'll just look at porn for 5 minutes....and that progresses and then it's all over.
Day 0 - Well I decided on an experiment after reading here about the effects of using after a streak. I'm not overwhelmed with the guilt, shame, etc that I used to experience when I PMO'd, but it's more like wtf did I do that? Not productive, really no enjoyment or satisfaction, just a pointless waste of time. I think my next experiment is to stay sober and NOT come to this site so much - I feel like it is almost a psub for me. Reset & restart. Stay strong once again.