35 and Older Accountability Group

Discussion in 'Accountability Partners' started by artifact, Nov 24, 2018.

  1. Timber

    Timber Fapstronaut

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    Hey, @GottaBFree, you are 6 days into a 31 day challenge. You did not commit to stay PMO free for the rest of your life. It’s just 31 days.

    you know the stories we tell ourselves right before we PMO? “Starting tomorrow (or on Monday, or January 1, etc) I am going to clean up my act.”

    Well, this is the opposite. “I can fall apart on the first of November, if I want to. But not today.”


    And just watch what happens.
     
  2. emanuel_free

    emanuel_free Fapstronaut

  3. JJ_Kino

    JJ_Kino Fapstronaut

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    You're not too far away another 5 to 10 days you'll start feeling amazing, endless energy.

    Lots to look forward to, keep going bro
     
    Last edited: Oct 6, 2020
    artifact, magvor and GottaBFree like this.
  4. GottaBFree

    GottaBFree Fapstronaut

    Thanks guys. All good stuff and I am in the middle of a stretch where I need it. It's kind of weird because it's a storm without imagry or anything. It's like the addict brain doesn't know where to point me to get the dopamine high lol.
     
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  5. tonyk1982

    tonyk1982 Fapstronaut

    I was feeling totally lost like that last week and I got through those few days. You will too. Good that you recognize your addict brain. Stay strong.
     
    artifact, magvor, JJ_Kino and 2 others like this.
  6. David2018

    David2018 Fapstronaut

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    I'm such a mess. 5 hours with chatrooms and PMO today. Neglected my job completely. Came late (no pun intended) to an important meeting (online meeting).
    I used to be brilliant...but I've been on a long steady decline where I can't do what I used to because of PMO. I woke up with such good intentions and it seems like the better my intentions the worse the result I have more successes when I accidentally don't use porn for a few days and then before I know it , I'm on a streak.
    I hate what I do to myself.
    I have so much to do. Maybe too much. But if not for PMO, it would all be done. I'd be the best at work instead of just getting by. I survive but I don't do well.
     
  7. GottaBFree

    GottaBFree Fapstronaut

    The how's and what we tell ourselves the why is may be different but we are all in the same boat.

    I don't think we can choose to stop forever without some education and false starts but we can pick what our rock bottom looks like.

    Picturing vividly where the addiction was taking me inspired me when I started on the forum here. I made that my rock bottom. Try not to kick yourself needlessly, but we can't spare ourselves the honest looks at what PM does to us.

    Also, keep in mind you want it bad enough to login here when you feel like crap. Lots of dudes have silently disappeared we but you are fighting. That's step 1 to winning and it shouldn't be discounted.
     
    Last edited: Oct 6, 2020
  8. tonyk1982

    tonyk1982 Fapstronaut

    Hello @David2018 - Are you more likely PMO-free when you are not intentionally trying to stay clean? In other words, you are so busy that your mind stays occupied and away from the addiction? Is that what "accidentally don't use porn" means? Friend - I too have wasted years of my life and failed to achieve so many things professionally and personally. It makes me sick to my stomach to replay that history. but here I am, here we are - trying our best to improve our lives going forward. for ourselves, our family, our friends. From what I have read on this site, the best chance for success in this endeavor is to be really clear about our INTENTION. I don't think any human can accidentally overcome an addiction. So for me the "thoughts lead to action" formula is super important. Define the intention - why and what. Then define the how - ie. when this or that urge creeps in, or your trigger appears - how are you going to take ACTION to support your INTENTION. I've written down a number of specific things like this. Without my coping list handy, I've got nothing to direct my actions to support my intention. I've been PMO for 30 years and it's only in the last 4 months that I've made any real improvement. Not perfection, but a lot of progress. If I can do it, so can you. Stay strong.
     
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  9. David2018

    David2018 Fapstronaut

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    Yeah, that's what I meant. It's like when I plan on not using chatrooms/porn, I keep going back one more time. Then all of the sudden I had a busy weekend and find that I'm 2 days into a streak. It's easier for me to keep that going and add more days then when I really start. It may not make sense but just an observation. I know I can't accidentally kick a habit. Trust me, I put a lot of thought and effort into kicking it.
     
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  10. John Call

    John Call Fapstronaut

    Hello everyone it took me some time to start writing again, I'm having a real problem because after I relapse I'm not able to face others and say it out loud that I relapsed and I couldn't face myself or face you here in the group or in the NoFap forum to speak it out.

    I think I was mistaken I thought that NoFap will be a journey only of success and I don't accept that I don't succeed but actually I had a lot of failures lately and I don't know what should I do,
    Anyway here I am back again starting a new streak and I hope I'm able to succeed thank you.
     
  11. magvor

    magvor Fapstronaut
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    This is so familiar. I find admitting that I wasn't strong enough to be really difficult.

    Well done for facing up to it and having the courage to be honest. Good man!
     
  12. Hi everyone...I've been PMO ing a lot recently after seemingly being very on top of this. I've been feeling low and stressed due to medication withdrawal and yesterday was a very grim day so I went to PMO....today I'm feeling more myself so starting a new streak today and hopefully get something decent going
     
  13. Timber

    Timber Fapstronaut

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    @David2018, have you considered doing something like an SA Group or working with a partner?

    These patterns you are describing are firmly lodged in your behaviour and it sounds pretty brutal! And if you can’t stop them, just watch yourself without judging as they happen. Doing things consciously is a really powerful technique that might shift something in your mind as you go through these routines. Good luck!
     
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  14. Jerky

    Jerky Fapstronaut

    Urges are constant but i've been here before. This is the point of my streak where temptation enters and i usually end up relapsing but not today. My energy level is peaked. My longest streak is 83 days. It's usually between 60 and 90 days that i fail. I am in my 3rd trimester. I know if i give in i will hit bottom. I will lose all i have gained. My energy level will zero out and i will be left empty, suffering, depressed and miserable, craving more and chasing emptiness. I can't go back there. I like where i am today. I want this feeling to increase and intensify. I want more energy. I workout 6-7 days per week only taking days off when circumstances do not allow the time. It can only get better, so long as i don't give in.
     
  15. Timber

    Timber Fapstronaut

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    Day 7 of sober October Challenge. No urges to P, drink, or go on social media. Definitely urges to M. Diet is a bit shaky but I’m off work with kids, cooking, etc, so cooking keto just for myself is hard!

    I moved to another mantra that is really brutal and very religious, so please stop reading this post if this kind of stuff irks ya!
    The new mantra is “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live but Christ lives in me”... it’s an ego-smashing line from the bible thAt just came to my mind last week when I just sat quietly. I started working on it and it took me a week to stop revolting against it. Hard to M when that is in your mind :)
     
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  16. Jerky

    Jerky Fapstronaut

    Urges are constant but i've been here before. This is the point of my streak where temptation enters and i usually end up relapsing but not today. My energy level is peaked. My longest streak is 83 days. It's usually between 60 and 90 days that i fail. I am in my 3rd trimester. I know if i give in i will hit bottom. I will lose all i have gained. My energy level will zero out and i will be left empty, suffering, depressed and miserable, craving more and chasing emptiness. I can't go back there. I like where i am today. I want this feeling to increase and intensify. I want more energy. I workout 6-7 days per week only taking days off when circumstances do not allow the time. It can only get better, so long as i don't give in.
     
  17. FreebirdFH

    FreebirdFH Fapstronaut

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    Back after almost a year. 2 weeks after this post last year i met someone really special to me. Didn't work out after about 5 months. Good thing is that i finally see how NoFap would have helped me tremendously and didn't realize it at the time. we had sex after about 4 dates which isn't that fast in today's dating world. but ended up seeing each other so much after that. nearly every day. well, a good 4 or 5 days a week. thought i loved the person. realizing how sex confuses things so much. I pressured her for intimacy way too much because i thought i needed it. in reality i was trying to cover up a lack of emotional intimacy. i think NoFap would really help so much next time around. if i could have had more self control, we wouldn't have argued as much. i regret what i did. of course have to look forward. at least have much stronger motivation to work on NoFap.
     
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  18. FreebirdFH

    FreebirdFH Fapstronaut

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    Must feel great for so many of you to have such long streaks. Maybe it would be helpful to know how impressed i am that so many of you are as strong as you are. If i had a fraction of your strength i wouldnt have turned off an ex girlfriend so much and wouldn't feel so much despair. NoFap really is important. Giving in to the animal instincts is viewed as harmless by many, but it really its not harmless at all. It causes a lot of pain to oneself and to others. I dont know how many times i've gone on dates with someone and slept with a girl knowing their wouldnt' be a relationship, just so i could be satisfied. Maybe most of the time it's not a huge deal, but i now i've hurt a lot of people too. All of that pain could have been avoided had i waited to get to know each other first and not given in. It's unnecessary pain. It's real. I could be mistaken, but I've heard people even on this forum say it's not the end of the world and don't be so harsh on oneself, but it is very harmful.

    There's more harm than i even understand but i'm trying to read up on it more and learn. I think this is a really important challenge to take on. Thanks so much for having the opportunity to be in this forum.

    Also, wondering if there's a counter that tracks streaks? feel like that would be helpful to track progress.
     
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  19. tonyk1982

    tonyk1982 Fapstronaut

    For me, my ability to have a 20 or 30 day streak was only made possible by what I've learned here and the support of the community. It is a welcome feeling to experience the improved emotional and interpersonal world that is made possible by not engaging in PMO addict behaviors for hours/days on end. (in other words, not feeling the shame and guilt of having to hide the fact (lie) to everyone around me that I just spent 10 hours with my phone in one hand and...) I can't say I necessarily feel "strong" although that is my admonition to everyone - "stay strong". It's more like I feel a sense of satisfaction that I'm no longer wasting my life and can be honest with myself.
     
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  20. GottaBFree

    GottaBFree Fapstronaut

    Reset. Day 29.


    Got really really upset last night. Stayed upset today. I don't do PSubs or edging, I just fall when I fall

    I need to stay busy at times like this I guess.

    I'm going to try to start a new streak right away. I never succeed at that but I'm not going to let that stop me from trying.
     
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  21. FreebirdFH

    FreebirdFH Fapstronaut

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    That's amazing. still don't understand why someone would feel like crap after ending a streak of 20+ days, etc. makes me wonder if i should feel like dirt for only having a streak of .5 day. i can see how abstaining for months until married or having a committed partner would be really helpful. so many times i talk to women and as hard as i try not to, i'm using someone. it's awful. its a terrible habit.

    a month ago i noticed all the p actors who've died from suicide or overdose. there are so many. if looking at a site for 10 minutes, hard not to see one who passed away. imho it's awful to get pleasure looking at someone who's passed, or who's had a terrible life and giving nothing back. using another human is awful and i've done it so many times and pretended it was harmless. just something for me to think about. there's a reason why i feel ashamed afterwards. i feel so much more motivated to progress this time around. going through that breakup sucked and still does.

    another benefit of abstinence is that my decisions won't be influenced by pmo desire and will have more respect from women. the right kind. when a women isn't respectful and you still want to have an o with her, it's selfish, disrespectful to both people. both people lose respect. i wasn't understanding that until lately. i used to wonder why shed get so upset with me when i pestered her for .... over and over and over. i thought it was my right to have it, but it wasn't. i was wrong and i'm paying for it now.

    i used to think women will respect me if i have .... with them. that's what a lot of guys think. initially maybe, but inevitably if not under the right conditions, things go sour and the respect is gone. its a transgression. i realize i'm getting opiniated and don't mean to offend. just working out some thoughts.


    i feel so much pain from all the p and hookups. p really rots one's brain and soul. feeling that it's a completely healthy pain. like pain from anything destructive is a good thing. as long as i use it as motivation to change. i don't want this feeling anymore. i want a real relationship. i'm tired of this nonsense. i really want to change. i don't want to go through this anymore.
     
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