35 and Older Accountability Group

Checking in... @artifact nice to see you in double digits again!

 

Day 8 of sober October.

There are some urges to look at some provocative photos. I had a big urge to M yesterday but I think it has passed.

I am getting a bit of a handle on my diet too.

I am learning a lot when trying to balance nofap with no drinking, reduced sugar, and no social media. I am attached to these in different ways. Drinking is relaxing. Social media makes me feel socially engaged. Sugar is comfort. My sexuality is an ocean that encompasses them all at once. This is definitely the key to pleasure for me.

Something to ponder for today: “Pleasures conceived in the world of the senses have a beginning, and an end and give birth to misery.”

 

I think that's pretty normal after a long streak. It certainly is for me. Don't sweat it man. Resiliency is a big part of this game.

@FreebirdFH, good to see you here again!

@Jerky I think that is a dangerous mindset you have about what it would be like if/when your streak ended. It might serve you now in the moment as a deterrent, but based on reality, it is highly likely that your streak will end at some point. And if you seriously believe that everything will be so horrible when that happens, it likely will because of this belief. As you have in the past, you will just get up, dust yourself off and start a new streak. It won't be so bad.

 

Still here! Would be great to go on waiting list and join again. How does that work? I"m writing/participating now. Should i not be posting? What would change once i'm off the waiting list?

 

AND just like that, a longest streak ever has ended. 26? 27 day?- Feel good about the extent and OK with breaking it. Just couldn't handle it any more and had to release. Some anxiety, some boredom, much relationship stress and lots of pent-up pressure in the groin have all combined to "make me do it" (being facetious here....)
It wasn't prefect streak. There were small slips "(that ended with nothing) and lots of testing. So, in a sense, I am happy to start over and make this a better and long one.
Going away on a secluded safari with the husband and friends. Disconnected for the next 6 days. A perfect scene to start fresh. Moving on!

 

Riding out the urges today. It seems they have subsided since yesterday. I have no intention of M but i did enjoy the intensity of the urges. I have to admit that sexual imagery did cross my mind. I will use this as motivation to keep my energy levels and drive elevated. Not giving in is very rewarding.

 

Daily 24 - my daily struggle. After a few mellow days that b1tch is back, trying to push my addict brain into P. Bringing back images of specific things that were a total obsession for me. And perhaps still are. Literally had the phone in hand several times to start searching, and set it down each time. By thinking about many of the stories here about how crappy we feel after falling into a PMO session, I gave myself a pause to think and gather some strength. This sh1t ain't easy always.

 

Checking in and starting on a new streak.Lately i noticed the main reason for my relapses was the stress that comes with the usual thought.."let's do it one more time and then i quit".So let's just say i had a deal with myself.I will allow myself to relapse but after 15 days.After 15 days i am free to relapse and this is it.I really want to notice how the procedure will feel until the end because I am sure about myself that, this thought i have when i am relapsing that i am doing something i shouldn't do, plays a big part on those erges who comes before finally i decide to relapse.
I hope i can make it for 15 days for two reasons, first i need to clear my mind and second because i really want to notice my feelings and my thoughs during these period.
At the end of the day, i have tried many different ways at the past and after some success in the begining i always fall back so why not trying something new.

I am sure many people would say that since you want to quit, allowing yourself to relapse is wrong and propably i would say the same..But i think i had a distorted opinion about what nofap is.I was thinking that, since you join the club, masturbation is something like a forbiden fruit that you shouldn't eat and that opinion had a counter-effect on me and made the addiction heavier.
Think about it, we don't even say that word "masturbation" in our posts just in case we trigger someone or ourselfs and istead we are using the letter "m".That's how sacred this word is and we are giving it more value if we are focusing our energy on avoiding it instead realising that we are not abandoning something forbiden but we are moving towards to something better.So nofap is not about quiting mastubation but about fixing ourselfs and our lifes.
I shouldn't afraid to relapse like it's something sacred which i wasn't suppose to touch...and maybe like that i will make some of it's shine disapear.
Hopefully setting rules like that will make the process easier.

 

yes, the struggle is not between “bad” and “good” but between “unfocused, lustful, and self-centered” to “purposeful, whole, self-sacrificing”.

I masturbated earlier this evening. No P and no images. The pressure last couple of days was unbearable.

onwards and upwards. Still no P for now about a month and half.

 

Back at a day. Feeling better than I did on the last day 1. So that's some progress. Getting another day would be huge.

Falling for only 1 day would be an improvement.

 

Checking in on Friday. Going to do some exercise this afternoon, so feeling generally upbeat and pretty excited for that!

 

Friday check in.

Mild urges during the day and stronger urges at night, I'm experimenting with listening to lucid dreaming sounds right before bed, seems to be helping.

Try it for yourself see if it helps you as well.

 

I would say no P for that long is a progress.It's not only that you rewiring your mind functioning without it but i guess you win some time for yourself because usually the porn sessions last longer.

 

Day 10 of sober October. I am getting a handle on no P and no booze. I am actually really enjoying my time without both.

Social media isn’t a problem either.

Sugar and M seem to be the biggest challenge! I guess a part of my would be perfectly happy to M while eating a chocolate cake... )