35 and Older Accountability Group

Discussion in 'Accountability Partners' started by artifact, Nov 24, 2018.

  1. FreebirdFH

    FreebirdFH Fapstronaut

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    sounds good. thank you.

    still a challenge to get to streaks of just 1 day. wonder how many in this group are doing the challenge living alone vs with a partner. from what i understand that's the "danger" of living alone. PMO. however when i was living with someone over the beginning of the year wanting sex too much is the only thing we fought about. finally understanding why this stuff is important.

    heard something interesting about PMO recently in a religious lecture. said the thought of PMO is more of a sin than the act itself. Once the fire's going it's hard to cool down. it's better to try and keep things under control before that point.
     
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  2. Timber

    Timber Fapstronaut

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    hey, not sure if this helps but I am in a relationship and have been in one for a long time. We have small kids and there are some other impediments to intimacy so sex is not a frequent thing.


    I am not sure if it is easier not to PMO when you are in a relationship. I suppose there’s just less time for it.

    When I did my super long nofap streaks, there were times when I practically demanded sex, I was pretty unbearable. I think this was 5-6 months into my streak. I think this goes to show that the attitude towards PMO or sexual desire in general is something that needs to be harnessed, regardless of your relationship status.
     
  3. Jerky

    Jerky Fapstronaut

    Lost my only set of car keys yesterday probably at gym or in parking lot. I'm glad it was after my workout that i noticed and not during. In the past i would have used this as an excuse to give in, making the situation that much worse. Thank God i don't have to do that today. What was lost shall be found, either way, i will have my keys. No need to despair. God is in control.
     
  4. FreebirdFH

    FreebirdFH Fapstronaut

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    Much easier not to PMO when living with someone. So true it needs to be harnessed regardless. When relationship was ending, she came to be for start of lockdown here in NYC - in Queens where it was worse than anywhere in the world. She didn't even want to date me anymore and came to me just so she wouldn't be alone. I didn't realize it at the time and told her not to come unless she was serious about being together. First few days were fine, then she was just a being complete jerk to me, non stop complaining about everything possible.

    She didn't want to have sex. I was like "are you kidding me? you asked to get back together, then ask to come to my place to lockdown with me and now there's no sex?". We couldn't even leave the apartment. Going to the hallway to throw out the garbage, you'd put on clothes, mask, gloves, glasses and put all the clothes in directly in plastic bag and in in the laundry basket. It was kinda scary here in Queens. i was ok with no sex as I could understand it wasn't her biggest priority.

    Then, after about 10 days of it, i literally demanded sex. I didn't recognize myself anymore - never hearing such things come out of my mouth a couple of times and started acting normal again. A few days later I was frustrated she was going to sleep super early and seemed like she was avoiding me after I was being so nice to her for days. She overreacted immediately, we got into a huge fight and been by myself since (dating here and there).


    Can't believe I couldn't see how my urges are out of control and mess up my relationships, who I choose to be in a relationship with, etc. I don't believe last girl was for me anyway and she had her issues too. Still, I need to get my urges under control. Can't keep going on with these one day streaks, if that. Im still at 2 or 3 times a day. Seeing if I was the one who had the power to call the shots about sex, I wouldn't have lost so much control in the relationship. She knew i was addicted to sex with her and started being a jerk. I can't let that happen.

    Having these urges my whole life, we're led to believe its a sign of strength, but it's not. Every time I've gotten into a girls pants at the beginning of a relationship inflates my ego and you think you have power but it's the opposite. If you continue thinking like that they'll always break up if they know you want it too much. It has to be part of a loving relationship, where you're both on good terms. An expression of love, not just getting off - which is all it is now.
     
  5. FreebirdFH

    FreebirdFH Fapstronaut

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    seeing i need more accountability. just did it again.

    thinking dating apps are just bad as P. just as bad! find myself swiping all day. we weren't meant to look at women all day long. a guy who has it under control isnt looking at girls all the time. it takes up too much space in the mind and eventually need a release.
     
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  6. magvor

    magvor Fapstronaut
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    Checking in on Monday. Last week was easy. Too easy. Must be wary for urges this week.
     
  7. emanuel_free

    emanuel_free Fapstronaut

    Checking in ... I hope everyone is doing ok!
     
  8. Haven't checked in a bit. I've been struggling lately and life's been a bit rough. Last couple days have been fine though. It's about choice isn't it? Simply make the right choice over and over again. Easy to say that though.
     
  9. tonyk1982

    tonyk1982 Fapstronaut

    last few days busy at work and with DIY home projects. Not much time or energy left for anything else. If I ran myself into the ground everyday from physical activity I'd probably never PMO.
     
  10. Glad you're here. You will get back on track eventually.
     
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  11. @Tylerdarko - we have a spot for you in the member ranking. Reply to this comment if you're still interested in joining the group.
     
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  12. Jerky

    Jerky Fapstronaut

    Strange days at work. Anxiety and stress but God is forever there. There is nothing ever to fear. Urges have now turned into looking for excuses to M as in particular scenarios where 'if X were to happen, then i will M' so there's that, but there's also attractive women at the gym and i will not be able to appreciate their beauty if i am blinded by active addiction. Glad to be alive and clean today. Thank You God.
     
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  13. tonyk1982

    tonyk1982 Fapstronaut

    Day 29 - a calm last night and morning so far. At least for the present moment, my mind seems to be clearing a bit of the PMO storms (by this I mean imagery, memories of P that would present in my mind as objectified parts of women's bodies, which would urge me to look at more of that and then act out). The concept of objectification is significant in my mind, and I'm just thinking through this now. It seems that addressing the root cause of this focus on particular female body parts disconnected from the rest of her overall human being may be helpful. A body part does not exist on its own; it is attached to a person, that person should be respected. Maybe if I can take that P image and immediately relate it to the person overall (not in a sexual way) it might become less of a trigger. Kind of reprogramming my P memories, or even current P-sub images such as in person or other media, to disconnect the previous thought pattern of what would happen in those situations. But, I go back to my IRL situation with an attractive wife who meets my physical ideal and how that ramps up my desire when I look at her. This IRL environment has to be managed so as not to cause the objectification and subsequent behavior pattern. I'm four months into nofap journey and these are the more complex issues I'm facing, that I didn't even know about when I started. Stay strong today everyone.
     
    Last edited: Oct 13, 2020
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  14. Pirate3819

    Pirate3819 Fapstronaut

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    I relapsed again. I have to find a way to reframe this No PMO lifestyle change in my mind. I've been reading Atomic Habit by James Clear and I'm trying to incorporate some of his techniques to change bad habits/addictions. My weakness is in the afternoon when I'm home alone. My wife started working the afternoon shift. I hope she gets back on the day shift, that will help a lot. My willpower seems to decrease significantly in the afternoon. I was rarely alone in the afternoon on my last streak.

    What's so weird about this downward spiral that I've been in is that I have been exercising regularly and been quite productive with other hobbies the last month. However, I still have days where I binge for a few hours. I try to be aware that I'm watching P, so it's not unconscious behavior. IDK, I'm just ranting at his point because I just quite figure out why I can't get back on track.
     
  15. discovery

    discovery Fapstronaut

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    Have you been doing these in the afternoon? Why not reschedule these activities so that you're doing them when your wife is away at work and you're home alone?
     
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  16. Yes it's true once the thought is there in the mind it can be almost impossible to stop....but only almost, it is possible but I don't achieve it very often. I live alone and it certainly adds to my challenge of PMO
     
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  17. Hello all....good to be back and reading some interesting comments

    I've not been doing so well recently and as such my resilience to PMO has got very low...yesterday I was having such a grim day, the girl I was seeing is no longer contacting me and I was feeling very sorry for myself and ended up PMOing in the afternoon....looking at all sorts of filth (legal) as I usually do when I PMO. I knew I'd feel worse afterwards I always do but it was the allure of losing my self within the P and not having to face my negative emotions.

    Today I feel much better and feel more like 'whatever' with the woman, there will be more and I'm not going to beat myself up....on to a new streak from today
     
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  18. Jerky

    Jerky Fapstronaut

    I think about sex regularly now. Not that i really want to, though i kind of do, it just seems to happen on it's own these days. M urges are less frequent and sex fantasies are not as exciting as they used to be. When i imagine sex now, the goal is no longer just 'O' but more of a massively euphoric spiritual connection resulting in impregnation (yes, i use that word in my mind when i think about sex).
    Of course there's primal lust involved but it's secondary to the main goal. I guess the desire to have sex has gone so far as to remind me that it is solely for procreative purposes and any pleasures derived from it are only for the motivational reward factor to ensure the act is repeated often enough to proliferate our species effectively. M'ing to P is a total waste of time and counterpreductive at best. It is not the goal of our true sexual motivation. It is misdirected lust, plain and simple. Nothing more.
     
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  19. Timber

    Timber Fapstronaut

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    Day 14 of sober October. Some P urges. I keep having dreams referencing sex (without any imagery) and wake up with blue balls. Annoying! The thoughts of M are on the back of my mind a lot. Also, annoying.
     
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  20. @FreebirdFH - You have been added to the member ranking. Welcome back to the group and good luck in your nofap journey.

    @tonyk1982 - Congrats on your 30 days! You are our highest ranked non-member!:D
     
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